More

I completely forgot to post about the Cisco/Convergys banquet thingy that Adam brought me to on Wednesday. The end of their fiscal year was August or something so they had a big hoopla to celebrate a great year and hand out awards to their top performers. I think there were 10 or so categories and Adam won awards for probably 6 of them. He won practically everything he was eligible for. It was amazing. I’m very proud of him. It’s wonderful that he has a job that he’s obviously good at that he also seems to enjoy (most of the time.) It was an interesting evening. We sat at a table with his sister and her fiancé (who I already knew) and three other couples. They were all very nice people. Chris cracked everyone up of course. All in all it was an entertaining and enjoyable evening. The whole award thing went kind of long and by the end I was yawning and had a headache. Adam also got picked in the prize drawing and ended up getting an electric griddle and a single serve coffee maker (which he has since returned for cash so we can buy other things since we already have 3 coffee makers. Yes. 3.) It’s so annoying how he wins everything. I never win anything. Grrrr. Oh well. It’s for the common good this time at least. Muahahahaha.

I’m not sure what kind of opportunities there are for him to tag along to business type things with me. I know Milprint has a Christmas party but I’m not sure how that works. IMA has a “bring your SO” night in December, but I’m not sure he’ll be interested in coming to hang with a bunch of accountants. LoL. I just think it’s interesting to see another side of a person. I don’t usually see his “I’m at work” side or meet anyone from that part of his life, so it was neat.

I was thinking last night while boxing up most of the stuff in the living room. I’m going to have to get used to having a roommate again, although this time will be completely different in that I actually know the person and like them (double benefit!) I don’t think it will be too hard to accept the fact that it’s not going to be “my” apartment. It’s going to be “our” apartment and therefore I can’t just boss him around to do things the way I want them done. This might be kind of difficult given that I’m a control freak with a minor case of OCD… I’m sure there are going to be things he does that drive me nuts. In fact, I already know what a few of them are. I’m sure there are going to be things I do that drive him nuts too. And I hope he’ll tell me about them. I don’t want the fact that we’re roommates to cause problems because every roommate relationship I’ve had up to this point has gone to hell eventually. In fact I only keep in touch with one of them (Catherine) and we’re much better friends now that we don’t live together. I think a potential problem may be that both Adam and I have a touch of passive-aggressiveness in ourselves. We’re more likely to avoid talking about something that bothers us and just grumble about it inside. Eventually that causes bigger problems though. I know this from experience. This is why I’m going to try and attack any problems that arise as soon as possible. I really want this to work and I’m pretty sure he does too. He’s been spending more and more time over at my apartment and things have been pretty smooth sailing. I’m not sure how much is going to change once we’re living together all the time. I guess we’ll just have to see how it goes.

T-2(ish)

Well we leave for New York on Sunday morning. Early Sunday morning. I’ve got pretty much everything under control at work and I’m ready for a vacation. It should be an interesting experience. Hopefully fun as well, but it’s always nerve-wracking introducing someone to members of my family. We’ll see how it goes. The way I see it, we’re not going to see any of these people more than once a year anyway so if they really don’t like each other, it’s only a temporary inconvenience every once in a while. Heh. How’s that for a bad attitude? I’m sure it will be fine. Adam is a pretty likeable guy and he tends to get along with most people. I’m not asking him to be best friends with my mom or sister. That would be scary. Even I don’t get along the greatest with them. I just want him to know that they exist and be able to put a face and personality with the name. I’ve met many members of his family already. It’s easier to go that way because many of them live in the area. My family, on the other hand, is spread far and wide so it’s harder to get everyone together. Anywho, it will be a fun trip. That was the point of that whole rambling thing there. I’ve had an icky sinus thing going on for the last week so I’m hoping that will go away before we leave.

We have an appointment to pick up the keys to the new apartment on the 24th. This is the day after we return from New York. Given Adam’s work schedule, I’ll be moving a lot of the littler stuff throughout the day on Saturday, he’ll be moving most of his stuff early Sunday morning, and my bigger stuff will be moved Sunday evening. I should have no problem getting everything out of the apartment by Wednesday and perhaps I can get it all cleaned by Thursday so I can drop the keys off early. Depending on how things go during the weekend we’re also considering taking Tuesday afternoon off to finish moving big stuff. A lot of this is up in the air and we’ll just have to see how things go. I am excited though. I’m really looking forward to it. Well, not the moving part. The living in a better apartment with Adam part.

I’m heading to the DMV tonight after work to change my address and get a new driver’s license. I figure it’s worth the $4 to have an address that isn’t in Sheboygan. And to get rid of the horrible red box around my head that screams “UNDER 21 UNTIL 02-09-01.” I wonder if they’re going to make me take a new picture. I’m not looking forward to that, but if they tell me to I guess I don’t have a choice. Other than that all the address changes are taken care of. I went to the bank yesterday and all the others were already taken care of. Woo. I’m so organized.

That’s about all I’ve got. I’ll be taking lots o’ pictures and will be sure to post them when we get back.

Posts from 2003-2004

I just wanted to let everyone know that I added my blog from my other website to this blogging site. I basically copy and pasted from the other webpage to this page so the formatting really kind of sucks. The other site went back to January of 2003 so I figured it made sense to put them all together in one place for some kind of continuity. It's strange to go back and read them and see all the crap that has happened in the last two and half-ish years. *sigh* It's so unfortunate that a great deal of it revolves around what was going on between John and I. I still can't figure out why he was such an important person in my life given the fact that the whole relationship was completely messed up. Oh well. I barely even speak to him at this point. He always tells me he'll call me but I know he won't. And that's ok. I don't get messed up about it at this point. I have Adam who actually calls when he tells me his will. And takes me out in public. And reciprocates feelings. Wow. Who knew a man like that existed?

On a completely different topic - it appears I have begun to get spam comments so I'm going to look into how I can stop them. Yeah, no one is interested in your insurance website. Geesh. For the love of. As I was typing this sentence two more of them showed up. That's just ridiculous. I'll see what I can do about that. That should keep me entertained until Adam gets home from work. *sigh*

Getting Philosophical

Things are progressing in the New York trip category. Not much is “confirmed” thus far, but I think we’re pretty much decided on going with the flow with definite end points for a few of the days. I realized a few days ago that this trip is during the third week of the month. My IMA meetings are always the third Tuesday of the month. Whoops. I get to try and find someone to stand in for me for this meeting. I’m the ever important Collector of the Money and Distributor of the Meal Tickets person. Heh. I just kind of completely forgot about it. I hadn’t put the meetings on my calendar when I looked for a good time for New York. Oh well. It’s not exactly an unsolvable dilemma.

In the apartment arena, things appear to have kind of worked themselves out. This is assuming those ladies at Breezewood really know what they’re talking about and I’m not going to bank on that. They informed us that the current tenants in our apartment are actually leaving at the end of August rather than the end of September so there should be no problem with us moving in a week or so before the end of the month, thus avoiding a “must move in 30 seconds” type situation. They had told us this previously before we signed the lease. When we went there for our appointment, the lady who was there had no idea what we were talking about. It’s precisely this kind of communication problem that makes me nervous. But as Adam says, we were both on the line when they said the people would be out by the end of August. I’m not sure what kind of legal recourse that could give us should they have been full of shit, but I’m hoping it all works out. I put in my Intent to Vacate form last Friday, so I’m moving out at the end of September no matter what.

Now I’m left with the tedious task of changing addresses and otherwise preparing to move. Thankfully I had the great idea of getting my PO box 5 or so years ago so I avoid most of the moving address changes. According to my calculations, the only addresses I need to change are the ones that Bemis has (which I changed this afternoon) and the IMA mailing list one (which I can do online.) All the other (important) ones go to my PO box already or have already been changed to do so. I’m so organized. Tonight we plan to head down to the Time Warner office and put in the switch for cable and the internet. After that, all I have is my electricity. They have an online form I could fill out, but I think I’m going to call their 800 number anyway just to be sure it goes through. When I moved last time they somehow “lost” the request to stop service and I ended up paying for a month that I didn’t live in the apartment because the stupid landlord would never call the electric company to accept the charges. Ok, it was only $20 or something, but still. It was annoying. I’m going to do it right this time.

Those are the two major happenings in my life right now. Other than preparation for these two things I basically sit at home watching movies, bad tv, or playing “text twist” on Yahoo games. My life is boring. I’ve been heading to bed at around 8 lately and I end up accidentally falling asleep before Adam calls me around 10. I usually wake up when the phone rings, but I get the feeling that I don’t make much sense during those conversations. Or I come off as very crabby. He has been spending more and more nights over at my apartment these last few weeks. It’s nice, although he doesn’t ever seem to want to get up in the morning. I’ll have to come up with a more creative way to wake him up than poking him and saying “get up.” We’ll see.

And now we regress back to something that happened a few weeks ago that I forgot to mention previously. When Adam was ref-ing for the 3-on-3 tournament put on by his church, he invited me to attend the Saturday evening mass and then go out to dinner with him and the other organizer people. While he is full-on Catholic, I jokingly refer to myself as “Catholic on Christmas Eve for a few years in high school” because I would play my cello with an ensemble developed by my mom at Holy Name in Sheboygan. We never actually stayed for the service though, as we were just the before mass entertainment. So this was my first “real” Catholic service experience. It’s not like it was a big shock. I mean, I was Lutheran for a few years a while back and they’re really quite similar (no matter how much Lutherans deny that.) Of course I felt like a dork when everyone got up to do the communion thing, but there’s not a lot to be done about that. The lector (or whatever the person who leads the service is called) had a beautiful voice. I could have just sat there and listened to her all evening. The priest was kind of interesting although some of the things he said made me snicker. All in all it wasn’t a bad experience although I’m not sure how much of it I could handle on a regular basis. All that sitting and standing and kneeling stuff gets confusingand annoying. I kept getting my hands crushed by the guy in front of me.

I have a general problem with the format of both Catholic and Lutheran services. They both are very structured and involve statement, response type interactions between the priest/minister and the congregation. I learned from my time with the Lutherans that you can basically memorize your “lines” and go on auto-pilot through the whole service. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t that kind of defeat the whole purpose of gathering and worshipping? If everyone is there saying all the right things at the right time while in reality they’re making their shopping list in their head or thinking about what they have to do when they get home, what is the point? You basically have to remain alert enough to hear the dude in front say “the lord be with you” so you can respond “and also with you.” I’m not a fan of organized religion (or actually, any kind of religion) but it seems to me if you’re going to make the effort to go to church for an hour or so every week, you might want to go somewhere that can keep you on your toes. Otherwise you're basically just going for show. That’s just my thought on it though. The most interesting and engaging church I ever went to was the Evangelical Free Church. They had all kinds of music, interesting sermons, and other things to keep the congregation fully participatory during the services. None of this “lord have mercy, Christ have mercy” stuff. There is no way you could tune out an entire service. It’s too bad they replaced their pastor with a complete asshole who had a problem with my mom so we had to leave. It was a fun church to be a part of.

Wow, I kinda went off there for a bit. Enough of that. I do my best not to make a mountain out of a molehill or whatever that saying is. I’m trying not to place too much importance on that kind of thing but it’s difficult given my upbringing and previous doomed-from-the-start relationship. Oh well.

Anyway, after the church thing we went to Victoria's for a dinner thing. Aside from the fact that I was probably still slightly hungover from the previous night and hadn't eaten all day so I was kind of crabby, it was a good time. The folks there did the requisite shit giving about me dating Adam (or AJ, as he is known there... heh.) They were a fun group of people. I didn't interact with them as much as I probably would have if I had been all there, but oh well. Next time. After a few bites of chicken parmigean (I know, I spelled that wrong), we packed up Adam's plate full of the ocean into a box and headed back home.

Well, right now I’m going to go focus on figuring out how I’m going to get all my crap packed up and moved to Neenah. Ugh. I hate moving.

*Applause*

Don't ask me about that title. I'm not very creative so now I've decided to just use random words instead of anything that makes sense... Just go with it...

So, a few interesting things have developed over the last few weeks.

Firstly, during a discussion at work about whether to send me out to Lebanon (PA) for a week, it occurred to me that I have almost two weeks of vacation that I need to use before the end of the year. I decided to see if I could swing a trip to New York since I know my mom has been bugging me to come out there since she moved, uhm, three years ago now? Things seem to be going well in the planning phase. As it stands, I should be spending a week(ish) in upstate New York the third week of September. Adam will be coming with me. We’ll be driving since the whole rental car thing is just a complete rip off if you’re not 25. So far the plans include Niagara Falls, Buffalo (including a dinner out with my sister and mother to celebrate her (my mom’s) birthday), possibly one of the various state parks, and anything else that tickles our fancies. We’ll see how it goes. It should be an interesting time. My mom has already threatened Adam with the old photo albums. I think she was kidding…but I’m not sure. It will be a good opportunity for him to meet my mom and sister before next May when everyone else (I assume) will be there and the dynamic will be much different.

Apartment-wise, we had the meeting with the new landlord people last week and sat down and signed a bunch of paperwork including the lease. The person didn’t seem to know what she was doing which was kind of concerning, but Adam told me she was new so she probably didn’t know exactly how it all worked. Great… I’m also concerned about the timing of this whole deal. Our lease starts October 1st, and unlike Brookside, they don’t have a one month lead time. The people who are in the apartment now could theoretically move out on September 30th. Since my current lease is up on the 30th, this could cause some problems. I was re-reading my lease last night and apparently I have to be out of the apartment and have the keys returned to the office by noon on the 30th. This means I have to have all my stuff out and have the whole place cleaned by that time. Wow. Now if the people in our new apartment don’t leave until the 30th, you can imagine the dilemma. The management is supposed to be checking with the current occupants to see what their plans are, but they haven’t gotten back to us yet. This could be one stressful move…At least it’s a much better apartment though, right? Heh.

Ok, so there were only two interesting things. Other than that, it’s been life as usual. I’ve been cleaning a lot lately, getting rid of all kinds of crap that I don’t need. I figure that way I won’t have to move it with me. I’ve gone through my four+ years of Cosmo magazines, re-reading them all before I throw them out. It’s remarkably repetitive. I mean, how many ways can there be to please a man? I only need one or two and I’m good… LoL. I probably won’t renew it when the subscription ends at the end of this year. I guess that’s just something you grow out of eventually. I was never a diehard Cosmo girl type anyway. I just read it because it amused me. I prefer Maxim any day though.

I also had a great time cleaning out my medicine cabinet. I found some iron tablets that expired in 2002. Oops. Guess I forgot to take them, eh? I’ve been procrastinating on cleaning the closet in the bathroom. There’s all kinds of crap in there I never use. All kinds of hair crap. In my attempt to tame my unmanageable mane (see, I’ve been reading too much Cosmo), I acquired a myriad of frizz-reducing, hair-controlling sprays, balms, and other such products. I used each one once and determined that it didn’t work worth a damn and threw it in the closet, never to see the light of day again. So I get to go through all that crap and throw it all out. Fun. See why I’m putting it off? I did clean out the closet in the dining room though. I’ve got a lot of bedding I no longer need (twin size sheets? I don’t think so.) I’ll be keeping my full size bed (it will be in the second bedroom) and we’ll be getting a queen, so the twin and king size sheets I have are not of any use to me. Away to Goodwill they go. I’ve given so much stuff to that place in the last few months…

I’ve been lying around watching too many bad movies lately also. Wal-Mart had this whole bin of movies that were $5 and I totally over-indulged in them. I must say that Earth Girls are Easy is quite possibly the worst film ever. It’s one of those “it’s so bad, it’s good” deals. It’s got tons of cheesy song and dance numbers (including the ever popular “’Cause I’m a blonde (yeah, yeah, yeah…)”), a really stupid plot, and some pretty bad acting. Jeff Goldblum was a totally hot alien though… It was completely irresistible. As was To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. There really is nothing like Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo in drag. I had the great fortune to find A Simple Twist of Fate, a movie I’d been trying to find for a few years now. I suppose I could have broken down and bought it online, but then I would have missed out on my “Oh my god, I found it!” shriek to which most of Wal-Mart was treated. There were a few others that I bought as well, but they didn’t inspire such glee. I’m a member of the Columbia House DVD club, but I’ve really been slacking in buying my 5 or whatever DVDs I have to buy in order to fulfill my contract. They just don’t have the best selection. Oh well. I’m sure I’ll find something.

The Results...

Ok, so the whole "inflatable" thing was just a ruse to throw me off track. What the surprise was is this:



It's so cute. It makes me laugh. We saw it last week at Sparkadoodles and he decided to go back and get it for me. How sweet. More pictures on the photobucket site. (It says "OINK" inside! Hee hee.)

This morning we went up to Verlo and checked out some mattress sets. We want to get a bigger/longer bed for when we move. I think we found one that's firm/squishy enough for both of us. We'll see. We've still got time of course.

I'm definately going to be glad to get away from here. The noise from the highway is nigh unbearable at night when the windows are open and last night the stupid neighbors to the right sat on their balcony drinking and talking loudly until almost 2 in the morning. *sigh* Inconsiderate bastards.

Anywho, that's about all I've got.

Blah...

Hmm. What to write? In all honesty, my life has gotten pretty boring. I work all day and spend my evenings alone in my apartment watching stupid tv or reading back issues of Cosmo. I occasionally drink too much and fall asleep too early. It's like I'm back where I started but the only thing that's changed is that Adam got a second job. Funny how that one thing seems to have changed so much. It's not just that he's not around as much as he used to be, although that certainly is true. I feel like I just have a bad attitude about the whole thing. I can't seem to get over it.

Anyway. In some ways it's nice to have so much "alone time." Right now, for instance, I'm sitting in front of the computer topless with a pore cleansing mask on. It's very bright green and smells funky. I would never do that if Adam was here (although I'm sure he wouldn't mind the topless part.) It gives me time to do weird cleaning or just lay around doing nothing. Of course I get lonely and bored so it's a tricky thing.

It's been too hot here lately. My electric bill this last month was ridiculous. I've had to leave my bedroom and sleep on the futon directly in the path of the AC a few times. I cannot wait until we have an AC unit in the bedroom. *sigh* Last night was decent and today hasn't been too bad. I've just had the windows open all day. It's still pretty warm but less humid. The weather in Wisconsin generally sucks all the time though so this is to be expected. A few weeks ago it had been practically drought-like conditions it had been so long since it rained. Then all the sudden one night it rained for like six hours. The street flooded (again) and my car practically floated away. (Ok, slight exaggeration.) Ridiculous. Now it's just been freakin' humid as hell and miserable for all those trying to conserve energy. *sigh* again.

Nothing much else has been happening lately. Lots of nothing. We have an appointment to go sign the lease for the apartment in Neenah next week so we'll see how that goes. Other than that my calendar is pathetically bare.

I need some excitement in my life dammit!

Oh yeah. Adam has "a suprise" for me tonight. It's inflatable. I'm slightly wary of it and have no clue what it could be, but he says he's 90% sure I'll like it. We'll see... it apparently takes assembly so I have to banish myself to the bedroom when he gets here so he can set it up. Weird...

I'll keep you posted.

I swear...

The airplanes are trying to drive me completely insane. For the past hour, there has been this pack of maybe 15 or 20 planes flying around in what appears to be a big circle. This means that every 4 or 5 minutes there's this awful roar over my head. My balcony doors actually rattle. This has been going on for AN HOUR. What could they possibly be doing up there for AN HOUR!

For the love of...

Must...Kill...Airplanes...

Ok, I admit it was partly my choice to work at a place directly across the highway from the airport. But seriously, I'm so sick of the airplanes. Yes, that's right folks...it's EAA time (i.e. good luck getting anywhere in Oshkosh time.) *sigh* In past years I've been able to avoid all the hullabaloo by simply avoiding the south part of town. Unfortunately I don't have that option this year. *smack on head* What was I thinking? It wasn't so bad (airplane-wise) until yesterday. Both yesterday and today it seems like there's a constant stream of planes flying over my office. No less than 10 passed over my head as I walked from my car into the building this morning. Since we're so close to the airport, the planes are still relatively low to the ground and therefore deafeningly loud. Continuously. All day. AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Add to that the fact that they blocked off 44 so everyone has to use the street right in front of Curwood to get anywhere. This means that it takes forever and a year to get out of the parking lot and then you're stuck at the stoplight (which the police have been manually operating since Sunday) for a good ten minutes. I hate EAA. All the stupid tourists who don't know the left lane is a turn only and then try and sneak back in the right lane halfway through the intersection. I don't THINK so! There's a fucking sign a good ways back telling the idiots about the turn only lane. I'm not going to let them in just because they're morons. I almost got smacked into by one of them today. Gave him the finger. In front of his small boy child. Heh. That felt good. Then at the next stoplight the RIGHT lane is a turn only and once again people can't be bothered to follow the rules of the road...

It's over on Sunday... Just have to make it to Sunday...

Got a call yesterday that informed me (well, us) that our application for the apartment out in Neenah was accepted and one opened up that fits our specifications. Woo. Time to start shackin' up! LoL. We of course don't move until October, but it's still something to look forward to. Adam slept here on Tuesday night (don't really know why. It was his idea and I wasn't going to complain.) and it was nice. It's different on weekends than on weekdays. It will definately be an adjustment to live full-time with someone again. Although this time it's actually someone I like so maybe that will help. (Just kidding Catherine!) I have concerns of course, but I'm not going to let them bother me. As long as Adam knows that sometimes I need to be left alone, he should survive. Hee hee.

Oh yeah, got an e-mail from someone today (definately not a friend... some psycho ex of a friend of mine who took an "interest" in me a few years back, stalkingishly e-mailing me and begging me to hang out with him because he really liked me and then telling me he was dying of a brain tumor or something stupid like that) telling me that I must have gained a ton of weight because I was HUGE. Uhm. I would have thought he'd be dead by now, but ok. I ignored it and deleted it. In hindsight I don't even know why I opened it. Oh well. Yes, I know I've gained weight. That's what happens when you sit at a desk for most of the day and then eat unhealthy food at night. I'm working on it. My biggest vice is beer. It's horrible for any diet, but so hard to give up! :) Once it stops being so darn hot and sticky out I hope to start walking and biking again but I've gotten lazy since the weather has been so unbearable. In all fairness, this guy met me when I was at my lightest. My lightest since I was probably about 10, so I'm thinking it's not really fair to compare me now to me then. Ideally I'd like to get down to that again, even lower if possible. But I'm trying not to let it bother me too much. Adam always yells at me to shut up when I say I'm fat. It's just that so much of my pre-adult and adult life has been spent obsessing over my weight and the fact that no matter what weight and shape I am, someone will always call me fat. It's tiring. There are people who are skinnier than I am, but there are also people who are much fatter than I am. I figure if I can still shop in the regular ladies section (as opposed to the plus size section) I'm ok. And I've still got a few sizes to go through in the ladies section, SO FUCK OFF YOU DUMBSHIT.

Thank you very much.

In other news, uh, hmm, not much else to report really. I've been travelling around a bit for work lately. Was up in Denmark last week and in New London last week and yesterday. This month has flown by and somehow things just got out of hand and I needed to go up there and try and help stop the stampede, so to speak. It doesn't help that my plant manager has been on vacation for a week...and won't be back until next Monday. What a great time to take a vacation... *sigh* I've been spending more time sitting home alone since Adam has been working lots of nights over at Wal-Mart. I'm still not sure how I feel about that whole thing. I guess I'll get used to it. I got the new John Irving book and I'm about halfway through it. I'm noticing a lot more blantant sex kind of stuff in this book as compared to other books and I'm not sure it all of it is really necessary. Maybe my mindset has just changed so I don't appreciate it as much? I don't know. All in all it's a good book so far. I'll reserve my final judgement until I read the whole thing. We all know how much stuff can go on in 300 pages...

Speaking of sex...for some reason my sex drive seems to have gone MIA. I'm not sure if it's a "body fighting the birth control hormones" thing or if it's a mental thing. It's just weird. I'm not really liking it.

And on that lovely note, thus ends this entry. :D

Success!

Our latest attempt at camping was MUCH more successful than our first attempt. The weather was gorgeous, the air mattress was unbelievably comfortable, and we seemed to have great timing in pretty much everything we did. I also took a lot more pictures this time (but since I took most of them, there aren’t too many of me…) and you can find them at http://photobucket.com/albums/v665/mld82/

Ok, now the more specific recap. Both Adam and I took Friday afternoon off so we could get an earlier start. We left his house around 1:15 and after stopping at Menards and Wal-Mart for our last minutes supplies, we were up at the park around 4:30. It was a very fast trip. There was a lot less traffic and we didn’t get stuck in Green Bay for an hour this time. Heh. We checked in and headed to our campsite. This time we had a site much further north, in Nicolet Bay. Site 610, which just happened to have a semi-private trail to the beach. What a coincidence. We proceeded to unpack some things and put the tent up. We had bought a new tent for this trip - a much larger tent that provided some challenges during the assembly process. We figured it out eventually and were able to marvel at the hugeness of the tent. Adam could almost stand up inside it! At this point he was all hot and sweaty and we decided to check out the beach. Neither of us had thought to bring swim suits since we were unaware of how close to the beach we would be. He just used his mesh shorts and went wading while I hung out on the beach. After he refreshed himself, we hopped in the car and made a quick run back to Sturgeon Bay where I acquired a swimsuit. I figure I was due for a new one anyway. The one I have now is from my freshman year of high school. On the way back to the campsite we stopped for a late dinner at Diggers. They’re the home of the best burger in Door County (at least that’s what the guidebook said.) Since I don’t eat hamburgers, I was content to be impressed by their curly fries and yummy beer. After we finished there we returned to the campsite and Adam successfully built our campfire. Those little pieces of wood soaked in lighter fluid do wonders! LoL. We made s’mores and sat outside watching the stars for a bit. We then called it a night and enjoyed the cooshyness of an air mattress. Luckily there were no “Adam flailing around while asleep and Martha flying into the side of the tent” moments. It was actually quite comfortable and our bathroom trek was very well timed.

We woke up/got out of bed around 6:15 on Saturday morning. We headed over to the showers at a different camping area since the ones by us weren’t co-ed and it is much easier to do the whole showering thing together since I brought all the shampoo etc. Plus that way we only took up one shower, leaving more for other campers. This didn’t stop an old lady from giving us a dirty look though. *sigh* There was no hanky-panky in the shower. Geesh. Anywho, after we were all cleaned up we headed to the Gibralter Grill for their tasty breakfast buffet like we did last time. Those cinnamon buns are to die for! Once again we were practically the only ones there. After breakfast we headed up to Washington Island. We had decided to take the ferry out again and enjoy the island under less stormy skies. Ok, I admit it. I wanted to see the pigs again. Heh. We got to the ferry landing about 2 minutes before they started loading it. We drove out to the Mountain Tower and walked up way too many stairs to get to the damn thing. Then we had to walk up MORE stairs to get to the top of the tower. Pretty view of the island from up at the top though. We hiked back down and decided that that was our exercise for the weekend. LoL. We got back in the car, vetoed the ghetto looking maritime museum and concurred on visiting the Manitowoc one sometime instead. Also vetoed were the farm museum and some other museum that we weren’t sure what it was about. We headed back to the ostrich farm and said hello to all our favorite animals again. (Except the rabbits. We don’t like them anymore.) The camel was friendly this time and stuck his head out the side of his fence. Adam petted him and discovered that camels and very soft. We upset a pair of yaks (or whatever they were), pissed off the donkey, annoyed the llama, incited rage in a goat, and made the bear climb up the wall. All in all, it was a good time. The pigs were still cute.

After stopping at a few gift shops and having no luck finding a pint glass, we returned to the ferry station and once again showed up right before the ferry started loading. We sat up on the top of the boat and enjoyed a nice breeze on the trip back to the mainland. We headed back south and stopped at the candy store again. Yum, sour apple balls. We then went back to the campsite and made some lunch. That’s right folks, we cooked on the grill we bought and made lunch at our campsite. Woo! We were unaware the grill required assembly so it took a bit longer than expected, but Adam cooked some chicken and we enjoyed the cookies his grandma had made. We still had some time before I was willing to go to the beach again so we lazed around the site for a bit but ultimately decided it was too warm for that. We hopped in the car and set out in the quest for a pint glass. We stopped at numerous little shops, but no pint glasses were to be found. Oh well. When we got back to the park we changed into beachwear and headed to the lake. We spent about an hour frolicking in the water. It was very refreshing. When we were done and showered we headed out to Diggers again to share a basket of curly fries. We returned to the site, built another fire and had a re-run of the previous night, although I think we went to bed a bit earlier.

We awoke around the same time on Sunday and disassembled our campsite by about 7. After showering we headed to Gibralter again. This time we WERE the only ones there. Even though Adam bumped the table, spilling coffee and water all over the place, we ended up getting our breakfast for free. We’re thinking the waitress didn’t want to get up from reading the paper, but who knows. LoL. We headed back to Greenville, unpacked the car, watched Maid in Manhattan (which I’m ashamed to say isn’t that bad of a movie), and then I felt like I was going to throw up so I went home. In was a pretty fun weekend but there are no definite plans for an encore trip as of now. There’s too much uncertainty with Adam’s working at Wal-Mart and I’d still like to be able to do something with Catherine and Tony at some point.

Update Version 2.0

Well it’s T minus one week until our next attempt at camping. So far the weather looks like it should be decent. According to weather.com, all three days should be sunny and warm. We’ll see about that. With my luck, hurricane Denis will decide to tough it out over dry and land come all the way up to Green Bay and rage around the peninsula while we’re in a tent. *sigh* LoL. Just kidding. There are a few changes that have been made since our last trip. Hopefully they’ll make the whole experience a bit better although I maintain that the reason it was so bad was because the weather sucked.

First of all, we bought a new tent (well, Adam did.) It’s bigger/taller than the other one and is brand new and should therefore be hole-free. Apparently the tent he had had a few teeny holes in the door that let the water come in a bit when it was torrentially downpouring all night. So we’ll see how this new one works out. Hopefully it’s as easy to put up as the other one was.

Secondly, we bought an air mattress. True, we did actually buy this during the last attempt but we didn’t really use it since we kind of packed up and left in the middle of the afternoon. It’s a queen size one that just barely fit in the other tent. It was relatively comfortable but I have a sneaking suspicion it will lead to some problems. The main one is the fact that Adam tends to toss and turn a lot during the night. Normally this is just an annoyance, but nothing I can’t handle. With this air mattress I fear that his tossing could send me flying into the side of the tent. We’ll see what happens I guess. If all else fails I suppose I could strap him down somehow so he can’t move. Hmm. Now there’s an idea. Heh heh.

Anyway, thirdly, we bought a propane camp stove rather than hauling a charcoal grill around. It takes up less space and is more reliable and faster. Adam has also decided to buy fire-starting thingys at Menards so hopefully we have more luck with the fire this time.

Lastly, we also bought an inflatable loveseat. Stupid, I know, but it was so cute it was just irresistible.

At this point it looks like it will just be us two. Catherine and Tony seem to have gotten very busy lives at the moment so we’re hoping to do something with them at another time. I’m fine with this arrangement. It will give Adam and I more time together in the great outdoors. Woo. (No really, that was a serious “woo”.)

In other news, I recently gave into my desires and splurged and bought all six seasons of Sex in the City. It cost me a pretty penny, but I seemed to have a lot of money sitting around (as Adam well knows since I apparently kept telling him how I had a lot of money and he finally got fed up with me and told me to spend the damn money on the DVDs that I’d been talking about getting for months) So I’ve been spending a few hours each day watching a few episodes. I just started season four yesterday night. It’s such a good show. Even Adam likes it and has agreed to watch episodes with me. I find that interesting. That’s really the only big ticket item I’ve bought lately. Oh wait – I also bought a new hard drive. Yeah, go figure that the only part that was reused from my old computer would die 6 months after the new one was built. *sigh* So I lost everything again. Luckily I hadn’t really built up the kind of stash I had had the first time. Most pictures I had uploaded to photobucket anyway. It’s just a matter of rebuilding my Money files and trying to remember everyone’s addresses. I think I saved most the e-mails from February so hopefully I’ll be able to recreate that file as well. I’m crossing my fingers that this hard drive won’t spontaneously erase itself, but who knows. My track record isn’t too hot.

I’ve been keeping busy at work and have been to one of the summer board meetings for IMA. It’s interesting to see the inner workings of the group. It’s much different than I would have expected. It still appears that I will have a lot of fun and meet a lot of interesting people. Hopefully my previous bad luck with organizations won’t rub off onto this one. There’s really not a lot of travel ahead for me. I know I’ll be heading up to Denmark for a day or so later on this month to do internal audit testing up there and I need to get out to New London to do a fixed asset physical sometime this summer but that’s about it.

About two weeks ago Adam and I submitted an application for an apartment out in a complex in Neenah. My lease isn’t up until October, but we were being proactive and liked the place so much we wanted to get their attention as soon as possible. They have a two month notification period so we should know if something we want opens up by August sometime. Luckily my apartment complex has only a one month notification requirement so there should be no overlap. Assuming something opens up in August, that is. My lease also has a “you can’t move out in November-February” clause it in so hopefully something opens up or we’ll have to wait until March. Not that that would be a tragedy or anything. It’s just that there are so many things about my apartment that are bugging me lately. The place we’d be moving to is a much nicer area and they’re much nicer apartments. They have a garage, a dishwasher, and a washer and dryer in the apartment itself. How awesome is that? The kitchen is huge with lots of cabinets and counter space. It will be a lot of fun. My apartment seems to be falling apart a little bit at a time. The bathroom is the worst hit. The toilet seat totally broke last weekend and had to be replaced. The shower makes weird noises and spontaneously switches from hot to cold. The sink doesn’t drain worth a damn and every so often weird shit comes bubbling up out of it and leaves nasty crap all over the sink. The faucets drip. *sigh* And don’t even get me started on the neighbors. Ugh! It will just be nice to get away from all that. Yes, it’s a longer commute and I will no longer be able to go home for lunch, but I figure it’s worth it to live in a better place and be closer to Adam. Well, live WITH Adam. I guess we’ll see how things work out.

Adam recently got a nights/weekends part-time job over at Wal-Mart. He starts on Monday and seems to be excited about it. I can’t help but think it’s my fault that he decided to do this. When we were talking about getting an apartment and were looking around at our choices, he got nervous about whether he’d be able to afford his part of the expenses. Yes, I make more than he does, but not THAT much more. He just decided he’d be more comfortable with the whole thing if he took this job for a bit to accumulate some money in savings and add a little padding to his current balances. I can understand this and I totally support it. I’m just not sure how much I’m going to like his being unavailable to me for so much of the time. Both he and I likened it to my stint in Lancaster. I suppose him doing this now will eliminate the need for him to do this later on. I really like the idea that he’s trying to get himself together and organized financially since he knows this is a big thing with me. I guess it’s kind of flattering that he’s been asking for my advice and help about this kind of thing. Money does tend to unleash a psycho part of me though and I worry that I’ll get too bossy or something. I don’t know. I suppose I shouldn’t worry since I’m sure if I was bugging him he’d let me know. That’s one great thing about the relationship we have: we both don’t see the need to be someone we’re not and we have no problem being completely honest with each other. If he’s doing things that are irritating me, I tell him, and vice versa. It’s a good thing. So anyway, I think I’ll be finding myself alone more than I have been in the recent months but I’m thinking this might be good. Maybe I’ll get that latch-hook done. Or started. LoL.

More Ponderances

Lately I’ve been thinking about how perceptions and attitudes about things change depending on what is going on in your life, or, probably more importantly, who is in your life. I apologize if this gets out of hand and I end up spouting all kinds of philosophical bullshit for a bit, but I’ve just been thinking about this lately and I felt like typing it all out here. And this is my blog so therefore I can do whatever I want. Heh.

Case in point: I’m sure any of you who have known me for the past few years were aware of my pessimistic view of, well, everything. I had given up on finding a decent guy and having a normal relationship. I had grown resigned to the “relationships of convenience” that seemed to find me on a regular basis. When I met John, I gave up on my idealistic “I’m going to marry a white boy between the ages of 21 and 25” since John is obviously neither white nor in that age category. With the abandonment of the regular, normal relationship came the abandonment of marriage and, subsequently, children. I decided I was content with what I could get. I actually was able to convince myself that I didn’t want to find someone who I could love and who I could be with forever. I believed that children hated me and I hated them too. It’s amazing how your brain is able to take things like that and make you believe that’s really the truth.

Then things changed.

When I met Adam (for the second time), I was almost instantly hit by the feelings that I had when I was around him or talking to him. Trust me, I tried to ignore them, rationalizing them away as a misinterpretation of a friendship. I mean, I was so messed up by that point, who was to say I wasn’t just making these feelings up? The problem was they weren’t going away. Every time he’d come over and we’d do things together I would still get them. Every time the phone would ring and it was him (and let’s face it, not many other people call me), I’d get a fluttery feeling in my stomach. Since the first conversation, there hasn’t been a single day that he hasn’t called me at least once. That’s a lot of fluttery feelings. I don’t know why I waited so long to accept the fact that they weren’t going away. Ok, yes I do. It was because I dreaded the rejection that I was so sure was bound to come. I was positive I was just being psychotic and letting myself get attached to another guy who would just mess with me and then fall off the face of the earth with no warning. Fortunately I allowed myself to leak things out on this blog and things worked out.

But now other things have been happening. Over the past few weeks we’ve had quite a few odd situations. The first one occurred in Copps. We were over in the dairy section where I was picking out some yogurt. I wanted the whipped stuff while he told me I should get the regular stuff because it was on sale. A lady nearby told him that he shouldn’t argue with his wife. Let her get what she wants. That’s rule # 1 of marriage. I didn’t know what to say. I guess I got flustered and turned a hideous shade of red (this is what he tells me.) I mean, yikes. We’re already bickering like a married couple? The second also happened at Copps. (He commented that perhaps we should start shopping elsewhere. LoL.) We were in the check-out lines last weekend and he was messing with an electric toothbrush. It vibrated very loudly, which he found amusing. (And who wouldn’t?) The checker commented that perhaps that’s what he wanted for Father’s Day. Uh, What? Do I look pregnant? I see no children… I don’t know what that was about, but it was another weird moment. The third happened last weekend as well. We were shopping a Kohls when he called a co-worker. When he mentioned that we were shopping, the guy on the other end apparently asked something like “for what, a ring?” and Adam freaked out and assured him it was nothing of that sort. I mean geesh people! What’s with all these things! We’ve only been dating for two months!

But that raises another issue. Yes, we’ve been dating for two months. Woulda been longer if either of us had taken some initiative sooner…but still…two months. I know there’s no pre-set timetable for relationships and there’s no guide to follow to chart how well your particular relationship is moving along, but it seems to me that this one is moving really fast. The thing is it just feels right. It doesn’t seem like it’s a bad thing that things are happening so quickly. I don’t question the decisions we’re making. We’ve been discussing the fact that my lease is up in October and we’ve been contemplating the idea of moving in together for quite some time now. It doesn’t seem like a stupid idea. It makes sense to me. I am not second guessing it. This scares me.

Over the last week I’ve been thinking about things. Serious things. When that lady mistook us as a married couple it didn’t really bother me. I think I’m ok with the idea of eventually being married. Being constantly surrounded by (albeit, psycho) pregnant ladies down in Lancaster has got me thinking that perhaps having a kid or two wouldn’t be so horrible. The logical connection here is marrying and having kids with the person I’ve spent almost every free minute with for the past few months. This makes sense. There hasn’t been a day since probably January that I haven’t talked to Adam. Not one day. I like the time he spends with me. Even when we’re doing something I generally don’t enjoy (ie: camping. LoL.) When he spends the entire weekend at my house, I like the times we’re just sitting around doing nothing. I like that we’re comfortable enough with each other to be able to sit around doing nothing. I like that we can sleep together - and I do mean SLEEP. He is the first person I’ve been able to share a bed with and actually get a decent amount of sleep. And I know for a fact that he snores and flails around in his sleep. It just doesn’t seem to bother me. It’s just so weird. There are just too many good things that make too much sense to me to ignore them all. Sometimes it’s like we’re inside each others’ minds. It’s nice.

Ok, well I think I’ve exhausted my emotions for now. We’ll see what happens I guess.

Update

(Note: I actually wrote this entry on Thursday, June 16)

I’m actually typing this as I sit at work down in Lancaster, waiting for the clock to read somewhere more near 3pm. That’s my self-chosen departure time. Aaah, independent thinking is wonderful.

Anyway, it’s been a little while since I’ve updated this and although it appears that I spend 90% of my time being bored in a hotel in a dinky town, I have actually been doing some other things. My last day at Kmart was Saturday, June 4th. It was not a day full of tears and hugging. In fact no one seemed to notice or care that I was leaving. I had to fill out this gay exit interview questionnaire and hand in my vest and discount card. Boo hoo. By the time I actually walked out the door I was just glad to be done with it. No one I really was friends with was working then anyway so I suppose I could stop in sometime to talk with them but I’m not sure I want to. It’s just nice to have weekends completely free for now.

This past weekend was my first week of the aforementioned freedom. After having a pretty terrible week (which I may go into later, although it’s not really my place to do so) Adam decided to give camping a try. It was kind of my idea, kind of his idea, but overall it was a joint decision. I think he needed to get away for a bit. So we drove up to Door County on Friday afternoon, armed with a tent, a grill, and lots of other camp necessities. Unfortunately the weather didn’t exactly cooperate and it thundered, lightninged, and rained for most of the night. Add to that the fact that we apparently got the lumpiest campsite available and you’ve got the perfect recipe for a good night’s sleep. Yeah. Sure. At least the tent was waterproof.

Saturday started out a lot better. We showered and hopped in the car and drove around the peninsula for a few hours. Then we caught the ferry out to Washington Island. We drove to the very tip of the island and then stopped at an ostrich farm on the way back. We fed the various animals that lived there. My favorite, without a doubt, were the two pot bellied pigs. They were twin sisters and they were just adorable. They ran around and followed us, oinking gleefully when we stooped down to feed them. They were so friendly. There was also the camel who they said liked giving kisses, but I’m not sure anyone would want them from that huge slobbery mouth. There was a forelorn looking donkey who was isolated all by himself in a corner. Then there were the ostriches. Or llamas, if you’re going for a Dude, Where’s my Car? reference. They were pretty big and mean looking. When Adam held out the cone they give you with the food pellet stuff, the ostrich ripped it out of his hand and attacked it. We finished up at the farm right before it started raining again. Talk about good timing. We got back to the dock and caught the ferry back to the mainland. We drove back through all the little towns, stopping at the Door County confectionary on the way. I got a ton of candy that I probably shouldn’t have, but they had all kinds of candy that I haven’t had for years: sour apple balls, butterscotch disks, those strawberry things wrapped in strawberry printed foil… and fudge. Yummy fudge. We then headed back to the campsite where Adam displayed his manliness by chopping firewood. He had had some trouble the previous night with the whole “getting the fire started” thing and he figured maybe smaller chunks of wood would catch on fire and stay burning easier. It was so hot though that he eventually ended up in nothing but his boxers. Not that I’m complaining. Tee hee. After he recovered from that we went to lay down in the tent for awhile. It was so damn hot in that thing. After some discussion, we decided to abandon the camping idea for the rest of the weekend and go to an air-conditioned hotel. Ironically, we came to this decision right after he got a decent fire started and it refused to be put out. We packed up the site, doused the fire with water until it finally died, gave the firewood to a neighboring site, and headed to Green Bay. We happened to drive right through a pretty nasty storm that apparently spawned a few tornadoes. At least we weren’t in a tent this time…

After a much better night’s sleep, we lazed around in the room for a few hours on Sunday morning and then headed back to his house. We unpacked the camping gear and then he cooked some chicken on the grill and we made s’mores. Then I went home and got ready for another week down in Lancaster.

We do plan to try the camping thing again sometime this summer. We went to Wal-Mart in Sturgeon Bay and got an air mattress so hopefully that will help with the lumpiness factor next time. It was just so humid and the weather really sucked. We just need to choose a better weekend and I’m sure it will be a great time. I took a few pictures of the weekend (although not as many as I would have liked) and they’re posted on the photobucket site.

In other news, next week will be my last week in Lancaster. No really. It will be. One of the other ladies who has been out on maternity leave since March will be returning on the 27th so I will no longer be needed. Yay. I can finish out the month back in Oshkosh doing my real job. It might take some adjustment though, being home so much. I’ve spent so little time in my apartment lately it’s almost like I don’t even live there anymore. Ok, perhaps that’s an exaggeration. It’s just going to be weird. I might have to hold Adam hostage in my apartment for a week or so. Muahahahahaha. Just kidding.

I have a few IMA organization meetings in the next few months, but other than that I really have no big fun or exciting plans. Oh yeah, tentative camping plans for the second weekend in July with Catherine and Anthony too. Apparently Peninsula State Park is all booked up so we’re (and by “we’re”, I mean “Adam”) is going to try and get us into some other place over in Waupaca or something. I don’t remember. My short-term memory is a mess.

We passed our two month anniversary this past week. It hadn’t occurred to me until Adam made some comment this past weekend about how long we’d been dating. I couldn’t remember when we had started going out and I thought he was way off in his estimate, so after doing a little research (through this blog, as a matter of fact) I discovered that Monday was 2 months. I shared this little fact with him and he sent me flowers on Thursday. Purple flowers. I’m going to work on getting a pic of those in photobucket as well. People down here in Lancaster were envious. One of the ladies told me that he’s a keeper. LoL. I agree. That is kind of the plan.

Sometimes I just feel so un-girly. Aren’t we women supposed to be all date conscious and make big deals out of every milestone? I didn’t even remember when we had decided to start dating! I’m a sorry excuse for a female. *sob*

Just kidding. I think if I was that kind of person I’d annoy even MYSELF and that’s not a good thing. I’m ok with having a “male” attitude about some things. I guess perhaps I need to get in touch with my feminine side too. Hee.

Anyways… that’s about all I’ve got for now. We’re planning to go out for dinner on Saturday, but there are really no other plans for the near future. Which is cool.

Life is strange...

I apologize in advance if this gets out of hand length-wise. This driving 3 hours twice a week thing gives me lots of time to think and muse over things, so I have a lot of stuff to get out here. I have no problem admitting that I'm not the kind of person who can sit around and talk about my emotions. As Adam has probably figured out, I'm also not generally comfortable with someone else sitting around talking about THEIR feelings. Now, don't think that means I don't care and I don't want to know about them. I just don't know how to react to them and I get the feeling I usually react in the wrong way. Somehow smiling and nodding just doesn't seem to be the reaction he wants. I don't know. The thing is most of the stuff he says to me is things I've been thinking to myself anyway. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who notices these things but I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that he's the one who vocalizes them.

To clarify my point, here's an example: We went out to dinner on Friday night. He called me and told me to be ready to hop in the car when he pulled up. He wouldn't tell me where we were going. It was a surprise. Now, he knows I don't particularly like surprises, but I went along with it anyway. :) So we're in the car and I can't remember if it was on the way there or on the way back (I think it was on the way there) and it was raining and the sun was out so of course there were rainbows all over the place. We were just talking about random shit and seemingly out of nowhere he says that his mom commented the other day about how since we've been dating, he seems a lot happier. He went on to say that he kind of brushed the comment off without a lot of thought and went to work. But later on in the day, it came back to him and he noticed that she was right. He said that he HAS been happier and has been feeling different than he ever has before. (I'm paraphrasing...I don't remember exactly what he said...) It's just so weird because on Thursday afternoon on the way back home from Lancaster, I was sitting in my car, thinking about how right now I'm probably happier than I've ever been in my entire life. I was actually composing an entry about that particular subject.

A few days before that he called me in the evening while I was at the hotel and we talked like we usually do every night. Then again, seemingly at random, he makes some comment about how he knows relationships are supposed to take some effort to work, but with me it doesn't seem like work. I commented that this should be a good thing and he agreed. But I agree with him too. What is going on here does seem almost effortless. The weirdness here is that a week or so ago I started composing a list of all the things I liked about him (because he has asked me more than once what made me decide that I wanted to date him and I wanted to be prepared the next time) and the very first thing on my list is that I'm so comfortable with him and can just be myself. It just seems to come naturally. Sometimes I tell him to quit reading my mind as a joke but at times I can't help but wonder why he seems so in tune with what I'm thinking. No, I'm not worried at all that he has ESP or something because there are definately times that he's completely clueless. It's just weird sometimes. But good weird.

Anyway, back to my original subject. When he says things like that, at random, it catches me off guard and I don't know how to react to it. I've never been much good at expressing my emotions. And not that anyone really knows me that well, but I generally just keep things inside, whether they be good or bad. This is probably why it took me a good 3 months to express (albeit, in writing on the internet) what I really wanted from him. I tend to shy away from exposing too much of that kind of thing because I never know how the person is going to react. I readily admit that I have severe trust issues. I also have a spectacular maze of defense mechanisms all ready and armed at a moment's notice. So far I haven't had to shut myself down to deal with anything that's come at me from Adam. I really hope it stays that way. I've learned from past experience that once something happens that requires me to do that, it's pretty much a lost cause. I realize that what I just typed makes me sound psycho and I'm not going to try and explain it. I also realize that Adam is not anyone from the past and I really shouldn't compare him to that. It's just that my past made me the person I am right now and that affects the way I react and interact with him. I just get so mad sometimes at my inability to express what I'm feeling. I know there are times that I should say or do something and I can't bring myself to do it. I don't know why.

Anyway, given some conversations over the last few days, I think it's safe to say that things are going well. And Adam, although I know I probably reacted to things you said in a strange way, just know that I was listening to you, I heard what you said, and I know exactly what you mean because I have the same feelings.

Moving on.

We went and did the great cell phone exchange yesterday. It didn't take very long at all. I was impressed seeing as how he told me we'd have to wait in line for hours. We did get there right as they opened though so that probably made a difference. I am now a proud new Alltel user. (That's what Adam has and we figured free mobile-to-mobile minutes would come in handy.) I also got a new phone. I'd had the huge Nokia for over 4 years and it's had the battery taped on it for about a year now so it was time to upgrade. I got the Audiovox 8910. A cute little flip phone.

New one Old One



It's going to take me some time to familiarize myself with all the extra crap that is on phones these days but it should be fun. Now I need to get some dirty ring tone to program in there for when Adam calls me. Muahahahahaha. Just kidding. Maybe.

I have a least two weeks left in Lancaster and since the person I was replacing is now on manditory bedrest...we'll see I guess. We have a "state of the union" pow wow next week. But being away from home so much and having Kmart schedule me so many damn hours inspired me to finally put in my two weeks notice last night. I have 2 weeks worth of vacation to burn up, but after that I asked to be taken off the schedule permanently. I stayed there after I graduated because I was still enjoying what I was doing. Somewhere in the last few months something has changed and I no longer feel that way. They also have been scheduling me way too many hours than I want to be working. It's time to move on past that part of my life. Ironically enough, my four-year anniversary there is this next week. Go figure... I doubt whatever raise I'd get would make it worth my while to stay there. LoL. I asked Adam what we're going to do with all the free time I'll have on weekends now. First he got an evil look on his face. Heh. The we came up with things to do more of: biking, walking, I won't have to ask off to go camping now, boating. I think at first it will be odd to not work on weekends but I'm sure I'll get used to it just like I got used to having a lunch hour.

And all you people who kept bugging me to quit, there ya go. I did it.

Meh

I'm not quite sure what to write here. It's been awhile since I wrote anything on this thing but nothing interesting is really happening anyway. I'm still spending the majority of my life in a car or in Lancaster. When I am here in Oshkosh I'm generally stuck in Kmart for too long, wishing I could just go back home and sleep. Or do other things involving me in a bed. Muhahahahahaha. Ok. Involving me and Adam and my bed. Geesh. We're a bunch of horny bastards.

Anywho. I know I keep saying this over and over but I really mean it this time. My days at Kmart are numbered. Every week I have less and less motivation to get up and go to work. I never want to be there and both the customers and the majority of my co-workers just make me want to go on a homicidal killing spree. Ok, perhaps that's an exaggeration. But seriously, every minute I spend there in that horrible red vest is almost torture-like.

Last weekend we went to the outlet mall and I bought a bike. I had originally wanted to get rollerblades but somehow I got talked out of that. So I got a Schwinn. (Reg $499, I got it for $160-ish because it's last year's model.) We're planning on taking it out for a spin tomorrow so we'll see how I like it. We'll see how much my butt (and other more sensitive regions of my body) like it. Hopefully I'll like the bike and bike riding and will be motivated to go ride on a regular basis so I can lose weight. Cuz I'm Fat. :((

Speaking of fat...when I went to the doctor last week I learned I'd gained 30+ pounds since my last visit and I'd shrunk by almost an inch. Great. On the positive side of things, I'm still ridiculously normal otherwise. Woot. I also got myself some hormonal help again. Let's hear it for birth control! In your face you stupid republicans! I got the Seasonale shit that will give me only 4 periods a year. That rocks. :) Being womanly and all is nice sometimes but sometimes you just need a break you know...

Anyway, with that extreme over-sharing, I draw this entry to a close so I can go watch something on tv with Adam.

Talk about a long commute...

So.

Let's see. It's been awhile. What has been happening "In the Life of Martha"? Well, mainly I guess I should mention that work decided to send me down to Lancaster for 3-4 days each week for the next 6 weeks. Lancaster is appx 3 hours southwest of Oshkosh so it's a long drive. It's a tiny hick town with not much to do. I get to stay at a hotel (with cable tv!) for a few nights each week. So far it doesn't suck terribly. It's actually kind of nice. It's a much more relaxed environment than corporate is. It's different and I'm doing things I haven't done before so it's also educational and ups my overall value to the company. Not that I had any doubts about my value...I think I'm a pretty good catch. :) In your face Schneider National!

Kmart has been scheduling me for about one day a week, four or five hours. This is fine with me. Gives me more time to spend at home (when I'm here that is.) The next IMA meeting is the week after next so we'll see how that goes. I'm not anticipating anything too horrible since I've been going to meetings for a few years now. I don't expect anything will change just because I'm now on the board. I have a doctor's appointment this coming Thursday (yay insurance!) so hopefully they can figure out why my body is whacked. It's obnoxious, but I won't go into too much detail. Let's just say I think I need some help with hormonal balance. Meh. I just love going to a place where they strip you naked and prod you with various cold instruments. Now that's my idea of a good time. (not)

Whoa, talk about TMI.

Anywho, nothing else is really going on. We were messing around with the camera last night so there are some new pics on the photobucket site. Here's a preview:

Another Thing...

How could I have forgotten this? We went to Oneida (Bingo and Casino) on Saturday night. This was my first time at a casino. It's pretty cool. I went in with $20 and came out with $50.50 and a $12 gift certificate. :D Adam didn't do quite as well, coming out about $4 ahead. But as he put it, he didn't LOSE anything... We're both Fun Club members now and have plans to get a regular gambling habit started. LoL. A regular, yet responsible, gambling habit that is.

Ugh. Rain.

*sigh*

Alrighty then. I really don't have a lot to say. Nothing much happens in my life these days. I'm afraid if I did start talking about some things I'd just end up complaining too much and being generally whiny and annoying. And I don't want to do that. I'll just say that sometimes I get frustrated. Yes. Frustrated.

Things are going well in general. Work is still fine although I find myself rather bored at times. I still do about 5 hours a week or so at Kmart and I heard through the grapevine that the store here in Oshkosh is very likely to become a Kmart/Sears hybrid store in the near future. I'm not sure what that means for the store and the employees. Kmart isn't really great at communicating things to their employees. I reach my four-year mark at the Oshkosh store in June. I had my year review this past Saturday. I find these things laughable since each year I get "reviewed" by a manager who has been my manager for about a month and can therefore not really know anything about what I do. It's a joke. Unfortunately, my current new manager is an ugly bitch who has let the power go to her head. She's less than a month older than I am, has worked at Kmart for about 1/4 of the time that I have, is knocked up, and thinks she rules the world. I don't respect authority too well in the first place and there's no way I can respect authority that comes in that form. During my review she basically said "You're a bitch" (in a less direct way, of course.) I think the higher ups will notice something's askew when I go from "Exceeds Expectations" last year to baaaarely squeaking past the "Needs Improvement" category this year. Yeah, whatever. Just because I know more about softlines (my area) and the whole store in general than she does and refuse to be bossed around by her ignorant dumb ass turns me into someone who is disrespectful towards fellow employees and short/rude to customers. Ok then. Everyone else at the store knows I do my job and I do it well. It's just another case of my manager having a personal grudge against me and trying to make me look bad. (Hello, Larry!) The last one got reprimanded by the store manager for being a dick and then he left. My hopes are still that she either dies during childbirth, which even I have to admit is kind of harsh, or she decides to be a SAHM after the birth of her hellspawn, which, by the way, is going to be one of the ugliest babies in the world. Truly ugly people shouldn't breed. Anyway, this review score will affect the amount of my raise but we all know that really doesn't matter at this point. Yay full time employment with benefits. Just watch and see them try and make me work Memorial Day. I don't THINK so. Perhaps I'll be quitting sooner than anticipated.

Moving on...

I went to the IMA meeting last week and somehow ended up sitting amongst the entire executive board: current and upcoming president, secretary, treasurer, etc. They convinced me to take a position on the board for next year. Granted, it wasn't very hard since I had kind of planned to scout out a position anyway. It was nice how it just kind of fell in my lap though. I am now the Director of Meetings and Membership. It is a position that doesn't take a lot of effort, but it should be fun and I should meet a lot of new people. Yay for networking. Sue would be so proud of me. :) I actually start my duties with the final meeting of this year since the current person in the position will be out of town for that meeting. Heh. Jump in feet first or whatever the saying is. It should be a good time. I am the youngest person on the board as far as I know. By quite a lot for most people. Lots of old men, basically. :) We'll see what kind of things come from this new connection.

Hobby-wise, not much new has developed. We finally got a puzzle we could put together after two depressing attempts at two strange puzzles. The one we got together was a 100 piece Barbie puzzle, but it still counts. It glows in the dark too apparently. I'll get a picture of it one of these days. Yes, it's still sitting on the table intact. We need some kind of ego-booster to work on the 500 piece leopards that have been sitting, unfinished (make that barely started) for well over a week. Heh. I guess puzzles aren't our thing. I also got a latchhook kit of a cat but the latchhook keeps breaking. So until I get my butt back to Hobby Lobby, that's not going very far either. We looked at roller blades at Target last weekend but I decided to wait and go to a sports store up in Appleton at some point. My back has been acting up the last week or so and therefore we haven't really done much of anything in the exercise arena. We'll get back into in soon, especially if the weather warms back up. It's been pretty icky lately, cold, windy, and now it's raining. Make that pouring.

That's about it for now. No big plans for the near future. Should be getting a new cell phone and plan in a few months. I'm switching to Alltell because then Adam can call me for free and vice versa. Granted, no one else ever calls me anyway so I'm in no danger of going over my minutes, but I've been with US Cellular for over 4 years with exactly the same phone and exactly the same plan. It's time for a change. Look for new pictures in the album. We've been experiment with new recipes lately. Which just reminds me. I forgot to snap a picture of the Bahamian chicken we made on Friday and I was supposed to get the leftovers instead. Which I just ate. Oops. It was very pretty. Trust me :)

Hmm. Guess I lied about the "not much to say" thing. Heh.

Forgot something...

Oh yeah. He brought me flowers again last night - white roses this time with one purple one (dyed) in the middle.

Whew

So...

Quite a few things have happened since my last post. Most importantly I suppose is the fact that Adam really DID read my blog. I found this out when he called me at work on Wednesday and said, "So I was reading your blog..." I, of course, had an "oh shit", heart sinking to my stomach moment wondering what his next words were going to be. I figure he had two options: He could go the "wow, you're a crazy psychopath and I want to stay far, far away from you" way or he could go the "wow, you're cool and I'm glad you wrote this and I found it so we can just get over it and move on to more important things" way. Luckily he opted for the second one. He said all I would have had to do is ask (see end of previous entry for reference as to what I would be asking) and he would have said yes. So, yeah. It's all good now.

Although, he made breakfast this morning (french toast...mmm) and did the dishes and later on he told me he was afraid I was going to take a picture of him while he was doing them and post it online, telling everyone I already had him trained. Training him is really not any intention of mine. He's not a kid. He already has the ability to do most anything he needs to be doing. I don't want him to change who he is. I don't expect him to. I'm not one of those kinds. I'm sure there are things about him that will bug me (haven't really found anything yet except for his tendency to call me and then get distracted by something on his end of the phone and leave me sitting there, waiting for him to talk to me. He knows this bugs me though. :) But hey, at least he calls me!) and I'm sure there are things about me that bug him. Luckily there are lots more things about him that DON'T bug me than things that do so we're in good shape.

It's kind of weird, typing this stuff knowing there's a (good) chance he'll read it. I'm not editing my thoughts or anything because of it, but it's just odd. Maybe this medium will allow me to express things that probably wouldn't come out too well in another way. Who knows.

Enough of that.

I started the latchhook that I bought a week or so ago. The damn hook keeps breaking. I think I'm going to have to go back to Hobby Lobby and return it. A latchhook doesn't really serve its purpose if the grabber thingy snaps off every time you try and pull the yarn through the canvas. *sigh* Maybe I'll head over there tomorrow.

Right now, I'm being incredibly lazy, watching Terms of Endearment on UPN (dammit, I always cry when she dies! Good movie though.) and observing the sky get increasingly darker. It's supposed to storm tonight so that ought to be fun.

That's all I've got. I need to go in the bedroom and make my bed. It got kind of torn apart earlier. Muahahahahahahahahaha!

Highly bored

Hmm. I'm really not too sure why I'm writing anything right now since I have nothing much to say. I'm just kind of bored. I don't really have anything to do tonight and I don't feel like doing anything unnecessary.

My neighbors are driving me nuts. On the plus side, they had a "didn't pay rent and will be kicked out if you don't" notice on their door for the second month in a row. Here's to hoping they get evicted. :) Adam doesn't like them much either. We also don't like the idiots downstairs who constantly take up all the visitors parking and play mariachi music really loudly almost every Saturday morning. Ugh!

I want to live in the middle of nowhere with no neighbors.

Nah, I'd get scared so fast...not a good idea.

It's so weird to have nothing at all to do. I will have to work on getting a hobby or something so I don't spend all my time laying on the couch or playing Solitaire Thirteen. That can't be healthy. Maybe I'll start doing latch-hook again or something. I don't know. Need to find something with Taz on it... he's hard to find.

Ok then...

What the...

Both posts are there now. So now my last one sounds stupid. That figures.

Hey, at least I don't have to rewrite that one now. Woo.

Blogger.com still sucks though. Perhaps I can sue for emotional damages. :D

Wow

I just had a kickass entry here and when I clicked "publish" it told me I had errors and crashed.

I'm pissed.

Blogger.com, you SUCK

Wow

It's been a little while. I guess I kind of forgot to post things.

So I went and had "Easter dinner" at Adam's house. They went to Taco Bell and brought back all kinds of things. His whole family was there: mom, dad, two sisters, and his sister's fiance. And then him and me. It was interesting to see the dynamics amongst the siblings and parents. They seem to be a relatively close-knit family full of humor. And Chris (the sister's fiance) fits right in. Most of the conversation was about his redneck family and how to deal with them at their impending nuptuals. It was kind of funny: They started their meal off with some prayer thing, crossing themselves and reciting something (they're big catholics), and I guess I looked kind of taken aback because Chris looked at me and mouthed "you'll get used to it." LoL. It was an interesting experience. I didn't talk very much mainly because not only was I observing things, but I really had nothing to add to a conversation about redneck relatives or installing a toilet. (Don't ask.) It was still fun.

Last night Adam told me that his mom likes me. He told me this while we were laying in bed, which is slightly concerning, but I guess it's a good thing that she approves. He told me she's a good judge of character. And always lets him know if she doesn't like someone he brings home. So I guess I'm ok :) Woo! Not that it's his MOTHER who I want liking me, but it can't hurt.

He sent me some fake internet quiz thing like you'd get in a chain e-mail message yesterday at work. I was suspicious, but I did it anyway and had a laugh. One of the blanks asked you to name someone you were attracted to. He called me later on and asked me who I put in that blank. *sigh* Does this guy need to be hit with a 2x4 to get the point? I mean, come on now. I think he was just being coy (or whatever the equivalent manlier term is for that) but he said he was just curious...with no ulterior motives. Yeah, right. My ass. I did answer him in a later e-mail, but apparently he skimmed right over it because he asked me again last night. I told him that I'd already answered him. He just asked if it was an obvious answer. I told him I sure hoped so, considering where he was and what he was doing... Heh... I'm so cute.

I picked up my new glasses yesterday too. They're much stronger than my old ones. Smaller and lighter too. I'll work on getting a decent picture posted. Had a huge headache yesterday afternoon and things still look kind of weird today but I'll adjust. Next on the "improving my life" list is a new cell phone.

Oh yeah - and getting Adam to be my boyfriend...officially...

I've got no creative title for this one...

He brought me flowers last night. Not roses or anything like that. Just normal spring-like flowers. He told me he tried to get as much purple as possible. Because I like the color purple.



What kind of "friend" gets someone flowers? Especially a guy. Guys aren't really known for their incredible ability to do nice things for girls they aren't trying to get with. Perhaps that's a statement drawn from my experiences with the lower rungs of the male gender, but I still stand behind it. This guy is altogether too nice. Although he does do things that annoy me. Like call me when he's in the middle of doing something so he's constantly distracted or talking to someone else in the background. If you can't give me your undevoted attention, don't call me! Call me later when you can focus completely on me. It's my generally selfish nature to desire to always be the center of attention. Grrr. It's so obnoxious.

I found a ticklish spot on his elbow last night. Heh. It was fun. I swear there isn't a part of that guy's body that ISN'T ticklish. He's so much fun. :) Like an amusement park.

He also got Spongebob car seat covers. Why?!? I don't get it. Why is this so difficult. Oh yeah, because we're both wusses! Woo!

Anyway, there is indeed more to life than him. Things are going well with the job and the car and life in general is pretty good. I got a jacket this week from the plant I work for. I'm all official now that I have a piece of clothing with the company name on it, right? Picture is in my photobucket album.

I ordered my new glasses on Thursday so I should be able to see without getting splitting headaches in about a week. And if my new glasses make me look dumb, I'm going to blame Adam. I decided against contacts since I apparently have weird shaped eyes (thanks mom and dad) and I'm so used to glasses anyway I think it would be odd not having them. Plus they make me look smarter. :) This time I didn't get the transitions lenses, so that will be an adjustment. I'll have to find some sunglasses. I also got titanium flexible frames so they're really light and won't break when (I mean IF) I step on them. They're all bendy. :) This is a good thing, knowing how clutzy I am.

Other than that, not much is going on. No big plans or anything. I'm just drifting through life right now. It's fun. :)

It's the alcohol talking...

Ok, that title line is a slight exaggeration. I mean, I've only had 2 beers tonight. Granted I've put myself on a 1,200 calorie diet because I'm FREAKIN' FAT so perhaps the alcohol will affect me more than usual. One can only hope. Did you know that there are 96 calories in a bottle of Miller Lite? Ugh!

Yes. I'm fat. But feeling wonderful about my fatness because Adam tells me I'm not fat. Yeah, whatever.

Anyway, nothing much is happening here lately except for snow and more snow, melting snow, slushy snow, big puddles in the parking lot because of snow. Ugh. When is spring going to arrive? Any day now would be quite alright with me.

Adam invited me to have Easter dinner with his family next weekend. Ok, he actually said that his mother suggested that he invite me but that he was ok with the idea as well. Now what does that mean? Argh! This guy talks more about the future (and not just the relatively near future) than any other guy I've ever known. He talks about how we should go camping up in Door County this summer. About how we should take vacation time from work at the same time so we can fly somewhere using his frequent flier miles. About how when my birthday (finally!!) falls on a weekend in like 2007, we should go out somewhere so I can get free endless beer. I mean really. 2007?!? It's barely 2005. *Sigh* I don't know what to do with him. Ok, yeah, I have some ideas but that's not really something I want to get into here...mind wandering...aaaaaaaahhhhh!.

Back to the subject at hand. I know, the easiest thing to do would just to broach the subject myself since apparently he has no intentions of bringing it up. It would be so much easier if I could read his mind. This is much more likely to turn out the way I'd like it to than the whole John thing was. I mean, this guy calls me. A lot. This guy takes me out places. In public. A lot. This guy doesn't have three kids. This guy isn't a psychotic loser. He has lots of things going for him. Sometimes I wish he weren't so adorable though. Ugh. I look at his eyes and I just melt. This is not good. Or is it? I don't know.

Anyway, Kmart scheduled me 6 hour days this weekend. Great. After scheduling me 10 hours in the last 3 weeks combined they suddenly decide to pile it on this weekend. It sucks. I don't want to work that much. And next weekend they have me there for 11. Ridiculous. At least they're not absolutely horrible hours. They're bearable and still leave me with time to have some fun. Poor Adam. I sure do like my fun. Hey, does that count as exercise? We were having this conversation (while we were both at work...oops...) this afternoon. I said it probably depended on how it was done. I suggested that he bench-press me...work his muscles...or perhaps prop me against the wall. He just told me to shut-up (nicely, of course) because he didn't want to be in an "uncomfortable position" for the remainder of his day. Who knew I could have such an effect on someone? >:)

But I'm sure that was a whole lot more than any of you wanted to know. :)

Big Sigh

So Friday was his birthday. As I understood it, the original plans involved me being his designated driver while he partied at various bars with various friends. What actually happened was we went to dinner, went to one bar alone, and I freaked out on the way home because I hate driving in snow and he ended up driving back to Oshkosh instead of me. Ugh. Stupid weather. I'm not sure what caused the change in plans, but whatever. It was fun anyway. He spent most of yesterday here too, just lazing around and watching movies. I got him Ladder 49 for his birthday and after I made him sit through How to Make an American Quilt (ie: very girly, man-bashing movie), I sat through his macho, fire-fighting, yet very depressing movie. It wasn't really as bad as I had anticipated. So that was good.

I'm still not sure what's going on. I know as a female I inherantly overthink things and find meanings in things that guys do when they actually mean nothing by them at all. Although this guy is particularly weird. He watched American Idol with me and it was kind of his idea. That's just odd. Anyway, back to things he's doing. At this point he has a toothbrush in my bathroom. He got a keychain that holds a picture and he's asked for a small picture of me to put into it. The other side of the keychain is a mirror so when he opens it up, he'd see me and him. The other night at the comedy club when the comedian made some crack about single people and asked if anyone in the crowd was single, he didn't clap or do anything of that sort. I don't know what to think.

On the other hand, I keep making comments about how I don't like dating and I constantly bash kids. It's almost uncontrollable now. I don't know why I do it. I don't think I would mind dating him. At this point, it's almost like I'm dating him anyway. It depends on one's definition of dating though. I don't see anyone else or do anything with anyone else. I don't really want to either. It's not like I don't have the opportunities. He did mentioned the fact that he noticed that he's the only one in his family to carry on his last name so he'd better have at least one kid - a boy. I'm not sure that's really a good reason to have kids. Sense of obligation or whatever that would be. But to each their own. He's also mentioned he has no plan to get married for at least another 5 or 6 years. I was going to comment that he might want to find the person to marry first and THEN start planning the actual wedding but I think that would have opened up some other topics of conversation.

I think I might be sending him mixed messages in that I thoroughly enjoy being with him and I think he's aware of that but I say things that might give him the idea that I don't want to be tied down to someone or date anyone. I always emphasize my desire for independence. That doesn't mean I want to be alone. Just not smothered. I don't want to become a Mrs. John Doe. I don't know. Man this sucks.

Hey, Adam

So, he said something last night that leads me to believe that perhaps he looks at my website and perhaps even reads this blog. If this is the case, for the love of whatever you want to love, take the steps to relieve me of my confusion!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

In other news, I've spent my last few days in really boring training sessions. I'm looking forward to the comedy club tomorrow (we're going because he got a free ticket for his birthday or something...) His birthday is Friday, so it should be an interesting weekend. I hope. He hopes. We hope. :)

Ok, I figured it out

Ha ha! So there! I figure out how to post pictures! The original picture is kind of huge so it looks weird sized. Oh well.

In any case, there is my new car (and me.) It was already pretty dirty though because of the stupid snow. Grrr. And stupid melting snow. Grrr again.

That's really all I intended to do in this post. I've got to get to work soon. More later. I'm sure.

And the night plays on

Ok, I know this is probably a bad idea since I already posted once tonight slightly intoxicated and now I'm attempting to post again, a few hours (and more than a few beers) later. But here goes. I just wanted to let everyone know that pictures of my new car have now been posted on my website. Oh yeah, and the picture of the hideous hickey I got today is there too. *sigh* men...

Also, I stepped on my glasses today and they're bent to hell. Great...

Aaah, the confusion

OK, I don't get it. He came over last night, we rented some movies, he fell asleep during the movie (Meet the Parents), he woke up, other activities ensued, and eventually he camped out on the futon while I slept in my bed. This is not problem as he snores like a lumberjack and runs the risk of smothering me in my sleep since he rolls around erratically. I much prefer my big bed and my non life-threatening stuffed animals. Anyway, today I slept until about 10 and then I moved out into the living room where he was watching the movie we watched last night (ok, so the movie I watched last night and he fell asleep during last night.) We actually watched the whole movie this time. After that we watched the second movie we rented (The Waterboy) while I did my laundry. Once again, other activities distracted us from watching the whole movie in one sitting. Then we walked for about an hour and a half over to Wal-Mart and back and he put RainX on my car while I made dinner. While we were walking, he brought up the subject of his most recent girlfriend. At least I think she was his girlfriend. I'm not sure. When I first met him, it was right before he started seeing her. I know her because I work with her at Kmart and she was asking me all kinds of questions about him. Apparently the reason he stopped talking to me all of the sudden was because she didn't want him talking to me because she saw me as a threat. Why did he tell me this? Did he see me as a threat as well? At that point I really had no interest in him. When she asked me if I would ever consider dating him, I said no - he was too tall for me. I also really didn't know him that well. Apparently that wasn't good enough for her and she forbade him from talking to me. But when I got the internet back at my house and he started talking to me again he indicated that he was still seeing her. But he was seeing other people as well. As was she. This confused me. I mean, I'm no professional at this whole dating and relationships thing, but I think if you bother to call someone a girl/boyfriend, it seems to me that you should see some kind of future with the person and have some kind of exclusivity clause. If you're going to fuck around with numerous people, why bother "dating?" UGH!

I just don't get it.

I think it's been made extraordinarily clear to him that there are other guys out there that want me. I mean, 3 or 4 guys have been messaging me constantly - while he's here. It's not like he doesn't know that I'm blowing them all off to be with him. And if he hasn't noticed, he's denser than I thought. But I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Tonight he experienced - how should I say it - some "performance anxiety" - which he blamed on his cousin. His cousin called him last night after returning home from a date that didn't go too well. I told him it didn't really bother me too much. It's not like I get off from that anways - which brought up an entirely different subject. Uck! In any case, he left about an hour ago under the pretense that he has to lector at church tomorrow and needs his sleep. Yeah. Ok. He called me about 10 minutes ago to tell me that he has the biggest hard-on ever right now. Like I want to know that? MEN!!!

I apologize if this post makes no sense. I've been drinking a bit tonight. And with that, I bid this post adieu.

Interpreting Male Actions

Ok, so I'll be the first to admit I have no idea what guys think about at any point of their lives. I don't know why they do or don't do certain things. I have absolutely no expertise in that area at all and have no right to try and explain these things. That's why I'm putting this out here for those of you that might have the inside scoop (ie: you guys out there.)

We went bowling last night. He calls me up around 6 and says, "Wanna go bowling?" I ask who else will be there and his first response is "As long as I'M there, does it matter who else comes?" Then he responded that a few of his friends would be there as well as his cousin. Ok. This would be a good chance to meet a few of "his people" and see how he reacts to me when in the company of other people. People he knows. We were originally going to stop by his grandma's house (where his cousin lives) for a bit before heading over to the bowling alley, but when he came to pick me up I distracted him a little...ahem...so we were running a little late...We still stopped by to pick his cousin up, but I didn't meet his grandma. She sounded nice though. :)

Aside from the constant references to the fun they had while they were wasted and the boring conversations about every sport imaginable and how they were going to kick each other's asses at them all, his friends seem pretty nice. They all seem to work at Wal-mart too. They all seem to be younger than he is too, which is kind of...I don't know. We had fun and I almost won the first game. I beat everyone but his cousin...and he pulled that one out of his ass in the last frame with a strike.

I don't know how to interpret his actions throughout the evening. I don't know if I should. He introduced me as "some girl from Oshkosh." His cousin seemed to know I existed previously. When I would go bowl, he (not his cousin) would take my chair and then have me sit on his lap. At one point, he flipped me over and just started making out with me, picking me up off the ground. He snuck up behind me and slapped my butt (really hard, I might add. That hurts!) when I was about the throw the ball. Randomly throughout the evening he'd pinch my butt...or grab my boob...or pick me up and kiss me...I don't know what that was all about. We left before anyone else did and on the way home he stated he didn't really like the fact that these random people (his cousin's wal-mart co-workers) showed up and joined our game. I thought he knew everyone there, but apparently there were 4 people there he didn't know.

I don't know how to react to this stuff. I don't know if he's just doing this to show people that he can get some or whether he does it because he likes me and it's fun...I suppose I'll have to ask him eventually.