Big Sigh

So Friday was his birthday. As I understood it, the original plans involved me being his designated driver while he partied at various bars with various friends. What actually happened was we went to dinner, went to one bar alone, and I freaked out on the way home because I hate driving in snow and he ended up driving back to Oshkosh instead of me. Ugh. Stupid weather. I'm not sure what caused the change in plans, but whatever. It was fun anyway. He spent most of yesterday here too, just lazing around and watching movies. I got him Ladder 49 for his birthday and after I made him sit through How to Make an American Quilt (ie: very girly, man-bashing movie), I sat through his macho, fire-fighting, yet very depressing movie. It wasn't really as bad as I had anticipated. So that was good.

I'm still not sure what's going on. I know as a female I inherantly overthink things and find meanings in things that guys do when they actually mean nothing by them at all. Although this guy is particularly weird. He watched American Idol with me and it was kind of his idea. That's just odd. Anyway, back to things he's doing. At this point he has a toothbrush in my bathroom. He got a keychain that holds a picture and he's asked for a small picture of me to put into it. The other side of the keychain is a mirror so when he opens it up, he'd see me and him. The other night at the comedy club when the comedian made some crack about single people and asked if anyone in the crowd was single, he didn't clap or do anything of that sort. I don't know what to think.

On the other hand, I keep making comments about how I don't like dating and I constantly bash kids. It's almost uncontrollable now. I don't know why I do it. I don't think I would mind dating him. At this point, it's almost like I'm dating him anyway. It depends on one's definition of dating though. I don't see anyone else or do anything with anyone else. I don't really want to either. It's not like I don't have the opportunities. He did mentioned the fact that he noticed that he's the only one in his family to carry on his last name so he'd better have at least one kid - a boy. I'm not sure that's really a good reason to have kids. Sense of obligation or whatever that would be. But to each their own. He's also mentioned he has no plan to get married for at least another 5 or 6 years. I was going to comment that he might want to find the person to marry first and THEN start planning the actual wedding but I think that would have opened up some other topics of conversation.

I think I might be sending him mixed messages in that I thoroughly enjoy being with him and I think he's aware of that but I say things that might give him the idea that I don't want to be tied down to someone or date anyone. I always emphasize my desire for independence. That doesn't mean I want to be alone. Just not smothered. I don't want to become a Mrs. John Doe. I don't know. Man this sucks.