Sunday, December 05, 2004

December 2004

Monday, December 27, 2004

Man, this whole "no internet" thing really sucks. I think I'm going to have to call Time Warner and give in to their $50 a month for Road Runner thing. Argh. Well, I'm a college graduate now. Woo. I got this thing in the mail this morning that shows the horrible picture they snapped of me as I Was walking across the stage. I can buy many more of them if I so wish. Why would I do that? The one on that piece of paper is bad enough. Uck!
My Christmas was uneventful. I spent the whole day trying to figure out why there was nothing on tv. Granted, I only get two channels. But geesh! That and mourning my Vikings' horrible loss the day before. Grrr. It's pathetic that these two teams played basically the same football game twice this season. *Sigh* Oh well.
I have no plans for New Years as of yet. Don't really expect to get any either, but that's ok. I've been going to sleep at about 8 every night for the last week anyway. I'm such a loser. :)

Monday, December 13, 2004

Less than a week. I could start counting in hours now. But I won't. That would be lame. (hee hee)
Anyway, long weekend, long day. All I really want to do is go home and sleep. Unfortunately I still have 4 exams to take and a really messy house to clean. Grrrr. Stupid relatives.
Nothing much to report other than I got a job. Yes. I will actually grauate employed. So, that being said, it's perfectly understandable why I got completely trashed on Saturday night. Woo.
And it's a job I actually want. Go me!
Really, that's all I've got to say. Life has been pathetically boring. But I do get to go do the drug testing thing tomorrow. Yay!

Sunday, December 5, 2004

Well folks, we're down to the two week mark. Yes, that's right. Two weeks from today I will be a college graduate. Woo. I still lack total enthusiasm because I have no job. Hopefully by the end of the week I will, but that seems too optimistic for me. *sigh* That's about all I have to say. I just wanted to change this page over for the new month. :)

Friday, November 05, 2004

November 2004

Monday, November 29, 2004

Added more pictures to the photo album of me with my hacked off hair. It's still doing weird things, but oh well. We're under a month now. Yes. I graduate. At 9:30 at Kolf. Come support me. Come bomb the building. Come do whatever you want. Or not. It's up to you.
I actually considered writing some kind of reply to the phone conversation that was had last night with my brother. Then I remembered I really don't care. I'm a supporter of the isolationist plan. Stay out of my life and I'll stay out of yours. :)
Have another interview lined up for Wednesday. Considering this is actually a job I want at a company I wouldn't mind working for, wish me luck :) Damn I need to get me a job. Although George told me today that I can stay at Presto through the end of this semester (which is actually in late January) and if I still haven't got a job, they will hire me on as a Presto temp for a bit. He really doesn't want to lose me :) It's rough being so important.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Good God. I have such a headache. I'm going to go home and take a nap. Right after I'm done staring at this computer screen for a little longer. I don't really have too much to say, but I figured it has been some time since I last wrote anything here. Been busy. Been lazy. What have you.
There is a relatively large spider crawling on the wall next to me. Eww. Good to see they clean these computer labs...
Still no job. Still working on that. That's about all I've got to say about that. Feeling crappy. Going home before the spider decides to attack me. (*Ack*)

Friday, November 12, 2004

Dammit. What is is about this day? All day at work I could have sworn it was the 13th. Now I just typed "11" instead of "12." Do I have some kind of bad karma with the number 12 or something? Creepy. Yeah, this whole day was pretty much one stupid/embarassing/pointless/painful thing after another. It was a Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong day. Paper cuts, tripping over shit, dropping shit. It all happened. Many times.
Oh yeah, and my graduation clock was wrong (thanks Catherine.) It was counting down the days to December 12th. I graduate on the 18th. Don't ask me. I don't know how that happened. But it's fixed now. 36. Ugh.
Still no job. Got a random e-mail from some company I've never heard of asking me to apply. Ok then. That's weird. But their company website screams (and I do mean SCREAMS) FrontPage and they specialize in computer consulting services? *Sigh* I think not. Some people's children.
I'm kinda putzing here on campus. Once I go home, I know damn well all I'm going to do is eat, drink, and do nothing of any use. I need to get as much production out of me while I can. I've done my QBA homework (yay me!) and I hope to perhaps maybe send out a few resumes while I'm here. (Ha!) I'm so sick of trying to find a job. I don't have one yet. Maybe that's why.
Martha's Wish List:
1) A mixer so I can bake cookies. Yum.2) A slave. Ahem, I mean boyfriend.3) A job.
Yes, so there it is. My impressive wish list. I must be hungry. I do plan on cooking some stuff tonight. Maybe I'll go rent a movie. Nothing really good out though. Why waste the money? I don't know what I'll do. Call me. We'll hook up for some good times. Muahahahahahahaha.

Saturday, November 6, 2004

What is it with me and guys with kids? I do not like kids. I do not want to have kids. Ever. I do not want to be with a guy who has kids. Ever. Why can't I find a decent guy who can keep his wee wee in his pants dammit! Or at least keep it from impregnating someone. Argh.
So, here is sit on campus doing homework on a Saturday night. How sad. I'm so depressed. I bought my suit today so I'll look nice and ridiculous for my interview on Monday. Man, I hate interviews. Necessary to make a living though.
I have a headache. I'm hungry. I think I'll go home now.

Monday, November 1, 2004

Yes. That's right. No-fucking-vember. Where did the time go? Why don't I have a job yet? **loud screaming inside my head**
Ok, now with THAT out of the way...
Not really too much to say right now. I've been drifting on the boat in lah lah land again. I need to quit doing that. It doesn't accomplish anything. And I need to quit randomly making out with guys. But I digress. Haven't done that for a little while, although not by my choice. By my body's choice, if you catch my drift. ;) Ahem. Anyway. TMI, I know. I'm babbling. This is because I'm tired. I have been drinking too much Mountain Dew right before bed lately. This is bad both because of the caffeine content of said beverage, but also because I have to get up ten million times to pee during the night. And then my toilet won't stop running and it pisses me off at 3 am. Yeah. It's a good life. That stupid thing is really ticking me off lately.
Geesh, I have ADD tonight or something. I think my game plan is to go home and sleep. Screw this homework and studying shit. Of course, if some guy happens to show up...muahahahahaha. Not too likely, but it's a nice thought. After those, well, MONTHS of who knows what, this is the other extreme of hormonal imbalance. But that's ok. Live it up or whatever.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

October 2004

Friday, October 22, 2004

What the fuck. These computers on campus suck some major ass. I had written this whole kick-ass entry about all kinds of crap and then I went to open some e-mail thingy and it closed all my web browsers. Stupid piece of shit.
Ok, I'm calm now.
I don't remember what I wrote before, so oh well. Probably something about me being a loser and hating life. That's generally my train of thought. I'd better save this before it spontaneously closes on me again.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Ugh, the thought processes I had to go through to write that date. When did my brain stop working? It's so sad.
Anyway...I'm in between classes. Oh how I love night classes. I wish all the classes I could take were night classes ***sarcasm dripping from the walls and ceiling*** I had two exams today. Not really too much to say about that. I can't say I'm putting a great deal of effort into my studies. Actually, I'm not putting a great deal of effort into much of anything these days. Except making out with guys. I seriously think I need to see a doctor or something. So, Monday we had an office visit over at CG. Then Kevin came down to visit again. Yeah. I was horribly tired (I had stayed up to watch the Vikings game on Sunday) and I probably wasn't the best company. So it goes. Then yesterday I had every intention of going to my history class. Really, I did. I just went to the computer lab to print out the lecture notes. Honest. But Steve was there and he convinced me to skip class and go back to my apartment for a bit. WHY!?!?!?! What is my problem? Granted, it is fun and all, but geesh. Maybe I'm having some kind of self-esteem episode and I'm looking for validation. Hmm. Or not. I don't know what the deal is, but I'm willing to listen to anyone who might have some insight.
OK, I know. The real issue is I need a boyfriend. I meant insight OTHER than that.
Anyway. I must part for now. *sob*

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Ok. So I had every intention of getting one of those free "blog" account thingys to make Evan happy. I even signed up and all that crap. I just don't like the way it works though. I prefer all this unnecessary work. :) I even wrote an entry there:
" It's a really crappy day. Dark, dreary, supposed to be cold and rain all weekend. Yay Wisconsin! And both presidential candidates are in my freakin' backyard today. They're going to shut down Hwy 41 probably right about the time I want to be heading home. Figures.
I'm not sure I've cured my "hormonal imbalance" although I've been doing enough crap lately, one would think it would begin to subside. Sigh. Kevin came down to visit me on Tuesday evening. We tried to rent porn, but he picked out this stupid documentary thing. (Ok, so maybe I had a little something to do with it. Maybe.) Heh. It's so sad. I can't even go rent porn right. Argh. Wednesday was CPA night. Good food, and hanging at a bar later with the "professionals." Damn, there are some HOT accountants. Mmmmm. But I behaved myself. Drank too much, was hung over, and skipped my history class Thursday morning, but behaved. :)
Then yesterday I had every intention of going to get a hair-cut and then cooking an extravagant and unnecessary dinner. Yeah. Well. I was minding my own business in the computer lab and Mike starts talking to me. He ends up coming over, helping me eat that aforementioned extravagant/unnecessary dinner, as well as a few other things. *ahem* He doesn't leave until like 9. So, I got nothing done. Sigh. I have problems.
But that's ok.
This weekend should be nice and boring. No plans, just work. I'll probably drink too much tonight and get nothing done. That's so sad. So it goes though."
Yeah. Wild times. And I DID drink too much last night. Oh well...

Monday, October 11, 2004

Argh. Hormones. Raging. At the speed of light. I need a boyfriend dammit. Nothing much to report. I need to get my ass in gear and get a damn job already. I'm working on it. There's just so much other stuff going on. Perhaps if I had a good sack session I'll be able to focus more.
There was a really hot guy working at McDonald's the other day. Mmmmm.
Anyway. I'm getting hungry. I'm on campus right now doing some stupid music analysis thing for my Music and Culture class. How annoying. I'm tired. But I need to get my resume out there. Argh. This sucks. Well that's about all I've got.

Monday, October 4, 2004

I swear to god, if that chick over there doesn't stop hacking up a lung soon, I'm gonna go strangle her. I HATE computer labs. They suck ass.

Sunday, October 3, 2004

Good God. What is my problem? I think I’m having hormone surges or something. It’s ridiculous. So, on Tuesday I was minding my own business in the computer lab on campus. Then a guy IMs me and we’re chatting. I’ve known this guy for 4 years now. He suggests we go in the elevator, ride up to the third floor (offices, no profs there this time of night) and fool around. Hmmm. I resist. He keeps persuading me. Finally I say, “What the hell” and log off and meet him outside the lab. Unfortunately the school must have thought ahead because they disabled the 2nd and 3rd floor on the elevator so we couldn’t go up there. Sigh. We then head over to the library. There’s an elevator there too. So, we make out in the basement of Polk. Why? I really couldn’t tell ya. I made it clear that I didn’t want to have sex with him. Apparently just groping at me was ok with him. Argh! Not that I didn’t have fun. I did. But what possessed me to do that? Grrr.
Ok. Then there’s today. Last night, a guy I met online a while ago calls to inform me that he’ll be in Oshkosh in the morning. Woo. He’s decided to come visit me if I so desire. So he calls me this morning and I go pick him up on campus. We come back here and hang out for a while. Watch SpongeBob. Talk. Make out. AAAHHHH! Once again, it’s not like I didn’t have fun. But seriously, what the hell. I really need a boyfriend or something to keep me under control. I guess this is what I get for trying to control my urges. They just creep up on me unexpectedly now. Dammit. It’s weird though. I still don’t really want sex at all. Just the occasional making out thing I guess. I think I miss that part of things. It was all so simple when sex wasn’t even part of the equation. Kissing is a lot of fun (when they don’t slobber all over me at least. Ewwwwww.) And let me tell you, being pushed up against the wall of the elevator was pretty fun too. Tee hee.
On a side note: the guy I had fun with this morning has a brother who works at K-Mart with me. Every time I saw his brother at work tonight, I just started giggling. How immature is that? Sigh.
Sometimes I worry that people think I’m a tease.
But then I get over it and realize I don’t care what they think.
I think maybe not having the internet at home will be a good thing. In case you haven’t noticed, most the stupid things I do (or have done) are the result of meeting people online. Dumb, dumb, dumb. There are a lot of weirdoes out there. A lot of horny bastards. And then there are the occasional decent, interesting people. I tend to get a lot more of the previous two than the latter one. But I guess time will tell. I might miss bitching at people in chatrooms. Good stress relief. I mean, just go into a Wisconsin chatroom, type “The Packers suck” and everyone will scream at you. It’s great.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

September 2004

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Alrighty. It took way too much effort to figure out the date. Sigh. Well I finished cleaning the old apartment this afternoon. Man, am I tired. Everything is moved into the new apartment. I picked up the futon on Saturday night and John helped me put it together. (Thanks, John. *MWA!*) Good thing, because I would have had a hell of a time trying to figure it out. Who knew that an allen wrench was just a bent piece of metal? Pfft. Plus, all that turning of bolts and crap. That's a man's job. Hee hee. As long as I found one who was willing to do it, why not, right? He then "rescued" his kids from Octoberfest (lol) and came back later with a bottle of rum. We sat and talked for an hour or so. I don't know. He seemed a lot more relaxed in this new place. Maybe it was no one else was there, maybe it was he's happier with where his life is now. I don't know. But I liked it. And he left the alcohol at my house, so this means he should come over more often. At least that's the way I choose to look at it. :) He could come over every day and that would be just fine with me. Highly unlikely, but that's another subject. And he was quite the gentlemen the whole time. (Well, aside from the momentary conversation about bending me over the futon seeing as it was the perfect height.) But then he left to go watch boxing. LoL. And that's ok too. I was in a pretty good mood so it didn't bother me. (And the love-hate saga of John continues. I know, it's obnoxious. I just can't seem to figure it all out so I just go with it. We'll see how long it lasts this time.)
Classes are still deathly boring. In all honesty, I'm not really missing having the net or tv at home. I check e-mail at work and I come on campus to do other things (including updating this website.) TV, eh, haven't missed. I have watched some movies, but for the most part I've just been reading more. It's better that way. Books contribute more towards the enhancement of the brain anyway, right? Although I suppose that depends on what kind of books one reads. I just finished A Widow for One Year (my favorite book, by the way.) I'm not sure what I'll delve into next. Perhaps The Female Man. I bought that a while back and never had the chance to read it. I don't think. If I DID read it, I don't remember it. Never hurts to re-read something. Unless it's a book like Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. That one hurt the first time around. I can only imagine the pain of a second go-round. (aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!)
Ya gotta love the "honors" program here at UWO. Inflicting crap like that on innocent freshmen. And then inflicting a semester about "the idea of race" to a group of white, middle-class seniors. Bah!
Not that I'm dissing UWO or anything. Fine education. You get what you pay for, I guess. (Reminder: UWO is the cheapest school in the entire state of Wisconsin.) Muahahahahahahahahaha
And with that, I guess I'll leave the wonderful Radford Lab for the evening. Don't want to run into some guy whacking off...yuck...

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

So, the internet was shut off yesterday around 3:30 or 4. And then this army of Time Warner guys show up at my door. They knock. I answer. They ask, "Does Laura Miller live here?" I answer (truthfully), "Nope." Before I can even suggest that they might want all their equipment back, they say "Ok, thanks" and leave. Oooook then. I guess they don't really want it back too badly. Now I'm going to have to make a much bigger effort if I want to get it back to them. I'm not sure it's worth it. So, hey, if any of you reading this work for Time Warner Cable, I've got all your crap at my apartment. Come pick it up when you want it back. On the other hand, if you prefer leaving it with me and charging Laura for it, good luck getting the money, but have fun! That's fine with me!
In other news, hmmm, nevermind. There really IS no other news. I start moving tomorrow. I still don't have a job. That's about it.
Ho hum.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

You know, I don't even remember typing that last entry. That's kinda sad.
In any case, I didn't think it was possible, but I'm afraid I'm going to not learn EVEN MORE this semester than I didn't learn in the last one. I thought last semester was the pinnacle of worthless time spent pretending to get an education. I was wrong. *sob* The only way I can think on the bright side of this one is to tell myself that I'm not even paying for it. But I'm wasting a hell of a lot of time. I could be doing other things. Like working at a real job that pays me more. ARGH!
People online have really started to bug me so I think I'll be ok with it disappearing in a week or so. People just suck. Everyday I confirm my "choice" to never get married and never have kids. To think about bringing some other devil spawn into the world is just crazy. And to think about having to be with some person all the time...every just too much. Even someone you love with all your heart would get on your nerves I think.
I've been having issues lately. I'm not sure what kind of issues. Just normal psychosis or something. The endless battle amongst my inner selves. Or something. I think this is due to way too much free time. Or at least free "brain" time. (See aforementioned lack of education occuring at school.) So, my brain wanders. I need to start sitting in the back of the classroom and reading a magazine. For 3 hours. Yeah. I'm tired now.

Monday, September 13, 2004

This semester is going to be so boring. My QBA and music classes are basically just huge insults to my intelligence. Hmm...what's a time signature? Excel can do WHAT? Argh!!! The other classes aren't as bad as those two, but still, no motivation, no interest. My history professor is cute. But married. But still cute. That's about all I have to say about school.
I get the keys to the new apartment on the 23rd. So, if any of you want to help me move my shit, let me know. Also, if anyone knows of someone who needs a computer desk or a full size bed, I still have those sitting around here. If no one buys them, I have to call some charity place and beg them to pick them up I guess. What a pain. I've been having dreams about Laura taking me on Judge Judy because I didn't cancel the cable. It's a good dream. I kick her ass in court (Figuratively. I think I'd stand no chance in a physical altercation. She's got a good 75-100 pounds on me there. Heh.) and Judge Judy gives her a royal yell fest. Something about "responsibility"... Aaah.
That's about all I've got. I've had no time to do anything lately. I wonder what happened. Must have messed up my scheduling of free time this semester. Oops. Oh well. :)

Wednesday, September 8, 2004

Hmm...weird. Classes start today. But that fact is really of no significance. At least, not to me. Oooh...I need a huge transplant of motivation. That's really about all I've got to say. Work calls.
Thursday, September 2, 2004
For some reason, on the way home from work today, I got to thinking about the guy I lost my virginity to. I'm not sure why. It was weird. Aah, the good times. It's amazing how much can change in a relatively short amount of time. Unfortunately, most changes have been bad. Eh. So it goes. I think the less said about that, the better.
So, school starts in less than a week. I've been extraordinarily crabby lately, so perhaps this is a good thing. This is the first time I've been happy to get a tuition bill. Although then the cashier's office changes their hours and I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to go get my books. Sigh. Who needs 'em?
Temptation to smoke has been growing. I think my theory about stress relief lying in smoking or sex is a pile of shit. I don't want sex. Although I have been tempted to smoke. So maybe there is some truth to it. Or perhaps it's just boredom. Who knows. It's been too hot lately. I think my brain is melting.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

August 2004

Saturday, August 28, 2004

Woo...just under the gun there, as it's 11:58 PM. So, I expected to sit around all weekend doing nothing. HA! 'Twas not to be. I got called into work around 3 today and they told me to come in tomorrow too. Go figure.
The fall semester starts in a little over a week. I got my tuition bill on Friday. Let me tell you, this is the first time that getting a tuition bill was a good thing. This means I can go buy my books. Woo! Let's hear it for financial aid! In any case, this semester should be...well...boring...but survivable.
Not much else is going on in my life. Work. Blah. Work. So it goes. I suppose eventually I need to go and do something else with my time. Maybe. It just doesn't seem worth it though. I've come to the conclusion that either I'll end up alone forever or I'll end up having to settle for something less than what I want. I don't think it's possible to ever find a guy who is what I want. I've also noticed that since I've been alone for so long, it is probably going to be difficult to be with any guy. Independence is destructive.
Man, I need a sugar daddy.
Drinking is also destructive. Makes ya say stupid things. Like this entire entry, for example.
I'm gonna go now.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

I decided I was tired of complete strangers getting the wrong idea about me because I happened to have stuff concerning sex on my website. Problem solved. No more sex page. Boo hoo. Doesn't really matter, since I'm apparently never going to do it again. Oh well. That's ok. I've been so tired lately, I haven't even missed it. Add to that my constant disgust with the male gender and we've got the makings of a celibate woman.
I think this living alone thing might be more destructive than I thought. I have too much time alone doing nothing. I figure I'll either start eating a lot and get really fat, start reading a lot and get really fat, or do something else that I haven't decided and get really fat. Basically, no matter what I do, living alone will eventually make me fat. Just a theory. We'll see if I can prove it. Although maybe I'll start doing Tae Bo like a maniac and get in shape. (Insert laugh track here.) Hey! It could happen. I have to have some kind of motivation in this body somewhere...
I'm not the happiest person in the world today. (Although, am I EVER the happiest person? ...that's a completely different topic. Stay focused, Martha.) I have a total of 8 hours at K-mart next week. Yes...That's 8 hours for all 7 days of next week. That's horrible. I have the entire weekend of the 28-29 off. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going to be so bored. Not to mention poor. Sigh. I'm hoping someone quits or calls in or something so I can get more hours. I can't pay rent for 2 people on 8 hours. I'm going to be cutting it close for the next few months as it is. It really sucks. Roommates suck. People suck. Everything sucks. Grrr.

Friday, August 20, 2004

Sooooo tired. Hooray for WI weather! I got a monster cold sometime Tuesday...Wednesday was just a blur...Thursday wasn't much better. I was pretty lucid for most of today at least. Needless to say, I haven't accomplished much this week. Ok, make that nothing. I really need to do my laundry. It's been sitting, sorted, on my floor for about a week. Argh. I just don't have the enery. Or motivation. Or both. Whatever.
This lack of energy may have been a good thing. I've been going out of my way to pick fights online lately. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just feeling disagreeable. It's just that so many guys have PMed me about my "What I want in a Man" page to tell me that I'll never find a guy who fits all those things. Or that I'm not good enough to deserve a man like that. Or any guy like that will be a big wuss. get the idea. Ok, so if you don't like what I'm looking for in a guy, that's fine. There's no need to PM me and insult me about it. Geesh. People are so damn annoying.
So, it occured to me that there are less than 3 weeks left before the semester starts. Aargh again. Where did the summer go? That's insane. I took a look online at how much books are going to cost me. My range is $312 - $416. Not too bad...although my financial aid will cover it. I just have to sit and wait until the bill comes and then I can fill out that cash advance thingy. I think. I's not like I've ever done this before. :) Woo...Financial Aid.
Perhaps I will send out graduation announcements of some sort. Not invitations. I don't want any more people showing up than are already planning to. I'm not too keen on my family associating with people I know around here. Tee Hee. I'm kinda liking my independence and distance from them in general, you know.
As I live and write. Another guy just PMed me about my man page. And I quote: " I re3ad your description of what you want in a man do you really think you'll find someone to meet that description?" Yeah...there's a 3 in there. Sigh.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Mmmm. Chocolate Volcano. I'm going to have to take a trip to the other side of town to go to Culvers and get some of that. Not that I have the money to do that. Not that I need the sugar and fat and empty calories. It's just something I feel I need to do. :)
So people. Click here to see all the stuff my roommate left behind that I am subsequently selling. If you or anyone you know is interested in any of this shit, let me know.

Sunday, August 8, 2004

Well she finally left. Early this morning apparently. She leaves me a note in the mailbox telling me to call the cable company to do something or other. My ass...I'm gonna hook up my shit and wait until they decide to turn it off. It's in her name anyway. Maybe I'll order some Pay Per View porn...
It's been a fun weekend. I'll be moving to the single across the hall at the end of September. Sigh. I hate roommates. I can't seem to find a good one to save myself. She left a ton of crap here too. Furniture and the like. I figure I'll sell it. So, if anyone is interested in 2 computer desks, a tv stand or a full size bed, let me know. That's about it. Aah, the silence is wonderful. I have to clean the bathroom though. I just gave up while she was here. It was a lost cause. So now I can clean it and be able to take baths. Woo.
I've got nothing...

Monday, July 05, 2004

July 2004

Monday, July 19, 2004

Blah. Meh. Grr. Pfft. Bah. Eek. and numerous other comic strip-like expressions.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

I had another moment last night. Another one of those “Gee, I wish there were more than 24 hours in a day so I could enjoy my life for longer” moments. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, I HATE onions. I hate the taste of them, the look of them, and especially the SMELL of them. Unfortunately, I live with a person who has a creepy and somewhat disturbing love of onions. Needless to say, this doesn’t really make for the best living conditions. I swear, that girl puts onions on everything. And yet she manages to find a guy who wants to live in the same room and I can’t even get a guy into my apartment. Live is unfair. And she can’t be bothered to clean up the juice or put the onion in a bag or anything, so the entire apartment reeks of onions and everything in the fridge starts smelling like them too. Ew. All I can say is “ew.”
I had the weirdest dream again last night. This one was all about bugs. I’m thinking this is because there have been an incredible amount of bugs in my apartment in the last few days. How gross. I hate bugs. Anyhoo, in this dream, there were many many bugs in my house. I was going crazy after them with a vacuum cleaner. These were all really hideous bugs. I’d vacuum up some appendage, say a leg or an arm, and then all of the sudden they would morph into gorgeous guys. They were all horribly maimed in someway though because I’d just torn off a body part prior to their transformation. How depressing is that? I think I have problems.
Rargh. So many things are bugging me lately. And surprisingly, I’ve been in a relatively good mood too. Strange. I’d be in a better mood if it would STOP RAINING for a day or so…geesh. Maybe I should get those new windshield wipers after all…heh.
Blah Blah. I’ve got nothing to say, really. This week is boring and will continue to be as such, I assume. Nothing ever happens in my life. Nothing good at least.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

I just had a moment. I was going to the kitchen to get another beer and I happened to look down as I was walking. In my left hand was an empty Hagen-Daas chocolate peanut butter ice cream container. In my right hand was an empty can of Miller Lite. This is what my Saturday nights have been reduced to: eating really bad for me ice cream, drinking cheap beer, and watching the entire first season of Sex in the City. Sigh.
What I wouldn't do for a guy who wanted to hang out with me and not have sex...
**Hours (and about 6 beers) later**As I sit peeing on the toilet surrounded by the stench of my roommate's (or perhaps her internet boyfriend's) recent shit...I think, "Gee, I wish there were more hours in a day so I could enjoy my life MORE..."

Friday, July 9, 2004

My life is so boring. I was going to rent movies tonight but then I felt totally pathetic so I decided against that. So here I am, sitting alone in my room doing nothing instead. Woo! Great idea, Martha.
**Random thought** I just love sneezing. It's almost orgasmic... **End of random thought**
I'm feeling especially ugly these days. I haven't talked to anyone other than people I work with for WEEKS. Don't even ask about other "pleasures" in life. It's like since I started my "Thoughts on Sex" page, I've quit thinking about it. Or when I DO think about it, it's nothing good. Men just suck. It's totally depressing. I went to Sheboygan for July 5th (Note: I won't be going back there for quite a while...) and there were just so many families and people with babies. It was horrible. I felt so out of place and alone. I never notice that so much in Oshkosh. It's a completely different atmosphere I guess. Maybe I'm just psychotic.
No comments please...not that anyone reads this anyway...

Monday, July 5, 2004

I swear...if K-mart doesn't fix the air-conditioning soon, we're going to have old ladies dropping dead in the aisles...and that will not be pleasant. It hasn't even been that hot outside yet and it has been practically a sauna inside the store. It's horrible. But whatever. Maybe I'll sweat off some weight. LoL.
Life is so boring. I don't know when I'll be heading to Sheerbordem. I had a horrible dream last night about my car self-destructing on the way down there, so I'm kind of nervous about going...

Friday, July 2, 2004

Once again, if you want to join me in Sheboygan on Monday, let me know.
For the love of…this day is never going to end. I thought that when you’re keeping busy, time is supposed to go fast. That theory is being disproved today. It is taking FOREVER to get to the end of the day. I guess I could just be thinking that…not like I have anything I’m looking forward to. I get to run errands and then sit a home. I plan to get plastered tonight. Bought some vodka yesterday and I have a whole bottle of cranberry juice that has just been patiently waiting in the fridge for a while. Yay. I’m not an alcoholic. Really, I’m not.
Today is payday. I get to start paying my mom back. Unless I spend way too much on clothes, which could happen. Since I haven’t bought any clothing forever, I am in desperate need of quite a few things. My shoes for k-mart have had holes in them for months. My black pants are looking kind of sad at this point. I need some new light colored shoes too. And underwear…don’t even get me started on underwear. 3 or 4 of my bras have had the underwire snap in half under the boob. It pokes me. But what can ya do. Fortunately, k-mart is having a buy one get one half off sale. Woo! Granted, they’re about $10 in the first place…grrrr…
Life is rough.
I’m still in a relatively upbeat mood. Not sure why…still…There are so many things I should do…but I never seem to get around to them. I’ve been so incredibly lazy lately. And tired. Although those two things are most likely connected. I really need to get off my ass and do stuff. It’s so hard to be motivated when you’re so tired though. It’s an evil cycle.

Saturday, June 05, 2004

June 2004

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Ok people. I'll be in Sheboygan on July 5th. That's Monday. I have the WHOLE DAY off! Wow. So, if you want to join in the (drunken) fun, let me know. Their fireworks are Monday night around 9:30PM and I plan to stay for those too. Not sure what's going to be going on during the day yet. Perhaps some lazing around on the beach. We'll see. I also take suggestions (and donations ;) ) I also plan to go to the fireworks up here in Oshkosh, which are on the 3rd at Menominee Park. If you want to accompany me there also, let me know. Woo...I don't even like this country, but I figured if I have a day off, I might as well live it up. Any excuse to drink, actually. Heh.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Headache. I’m tired. I don’t know why. I have been sleeping a lot better than usual. Sigh. I think I’m PMS-ing because I’m so hungry. But hungry for bad things. Plus, I was hella horny last week…so perhaps I was just ovulating. This week, I’m not really on the prowl. Which is good. Since I never get any anyway.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

I feel icky. I’ve felt icky all day. This is what happens when I sleep too much I guess. I turned the TV off before “Futurama” was finished last night, and unlike the previous few…weeks…I didn’t wake up at 5am. I woke up at 5:45. Woo. But I’ve just felt like crap all day. And I get to go work at K-mart tonight too. Woo. The fun never stops! I just want to go home and sleep. Although maybe not. At this point, I don’t really want to be there any more than necessary. Everything annoys me now. I think maybe my blood sugar is low. I haven’t been eating much sweet stuff lately. Dunno. I’m no health expert. I get to go home in 10 minutes though, so it’s ok. Well. I get to go home for about 15 minutes. Stupid K-mart can’t schedule me right if its life depended on it. LoL. Can I get anything decent from Burger King for $4? The McDonalds on College Ave is in the midst of all kinds of nasty construction so I really don’t want to try and brave that. Or perhaps I should just wait and eat something healthy quickly before I head to work. Hm…

Friday, June 18, 2004

It’s payday today. Doesn’t really make a difference though. I have to pay bills that I’ve been putting off. Woo. I’m hoping perhaps I’ll have a little bit to buy some food. I bought a jar of peanut butter last week and that’s basically all I’ve been eating. PB is good and all, but after awhile, it just gets gross. It doesn’t help that my roommate owes me over $60 for electric bills yet she keeps on going out all over buying shit. That’s just annoying. Kind of rude too, actually. Oh well.
I’m considering starting a new page. This one will be like a “sex log.” I’m not sure it will be that great of a page since I haven’t been getting much action lately. The reason I suggest this is because lately I’ve had some guys do weird things and I’d like to comment on them. For the good of the entire male gender actually. Offer some insight into what I (and most likely, other females) want and think. I think it would be beneficial. Just as with my “stories” page, I wouldn’t use names, but this would be much more basic of a page. Not just interesting things. Normal things too. Although I’m not sure how much I want to be telling the whole world. Heh. I guess I need to take into consideration how many people actually read this though. Not many…and those who do probably don’t care. But I think it might be a good resource anyway…someday…if I ever get myself a boyfriend.
I’m not sure what to expect tonight. John knows I don’t work and I had already informed him that I’d like to spend some time with him. His track record doesn’t say much for him though. I’m not going to call him, so the only way I’ll go over there is if he comes online I guess. Maybe I’ll spend money I don’t have on alcohol. Yay, alcohol!
I’m really liking the “Sex in the City” thing on TBS. It’s an excellent show. I’m disappointed I didn’t have HBO while it was on. I might have to buy the DVDs. It’s so funny, yet very true. I’ve never really like Sarah Jessica Parker too much, but “Brooke” from “Melrose Place” is on there, so it’s all good.

Monday, June 14, 2004 - - - Happy Flag Day!

I’m taking donations. Heh. Money, food, whatever. Life is rough.
Anyhoo, so Friday sucked major ass. So much rain, flash floods, and the like. The street in front of my house got turned into a river. Pics are in the photo album. I got soaked trying to get home. I had to park down the block at Ponderosa and walk back to my apartment. Water up to my knees. Argh. Then I had to walk back later on so I could go to work. By that time, the water had receded for the most part. It rained again on Sunday, but no flooding that time. It’s also supposed to rain throughout this week. How much rain do we need?!? Geesh.
So, Saturday I went down to Sheboygan for a few hours to hang out with Jess. Trisha decided she’d rather sleep than be with us. Pfft. Loser. : ) We watched Anger Management and ate some Papa Murphy’s pizza. The movie was pretty funny. The pizza was ok. That was the first time I’d had a Papa Murphy’s pizza. Interesting. Perhaps I should check if there’s one around here. Then we dropped Dakota (her son) off with his dad and went to a bar. I didn’t know a single person there, which is kind of weird. I’m not sure how I should feel about that. She knew a few people and we got some free booze. Heh. She also got some ugly guy hitting on her, which I thought was pretty funny. We didn’t stay too late since I had to get back home. Which I did. I hate driving. It was hella foggy and people just can’t drive at all. And what is up with the stoplights on Johnson St. in Fondy? I mean, do they ALL have to turn red right as you get there? There are probably 12 lights and I had to stop at every one. How annoying is that!?!
So then I had to work again yesterday. It’s weird. My manager had me setting ads and redoing walls and stuff the department heads generally do. He was going through all this regulation stuff with me. Like I care? I’m not really interested in what corporate says needs to be done with ad signing and stuff like that. I only set it when the department heads don’t. And I don’t plan to work at K-mart forever, so I don’t really care about it either. But I still have to sit and listen to him talk to me about it. Argh. Most the time, I just want to hide somewhere. I hung out over in infants for awhile, trying to find missing pants. It’s obnoxious. Most infant clothes are sets…a shirt and matching pants. For some reason, one piece always seems to disappear. Either that or the two pieces on a particular hanger will be different sizes. Yeah idiots, you thought you were sneaky and we wouldn’t notice? Give me a break. You’re just a pain in the ass. If I ever see someone switching two sizes, I’m going to go after them with my box cutter.
Really, I’m in quite a good mood today. Even though Justin bailed on me again. I wasn’t too surprised though. Sorry, Justin, you don’t really have that great of a track record. Although neither does anyone else…So Paul came over instead. Now, this guy confuses me. We’ll chat online and he’ll say how he can’t go have random sex because he’d feel guilty about it. Yet, he comes over to my apartment and gropes at me… I don’t get it. Maybe someone else out there can explain it to me. I think perhaps I disappointed or annoyed him, but I wasn’t about to encourage him and have him being all sorry and shitty feeling later. I mean, I’m a good friend and all, but I don’t want to perpetuate any kind of evil cycle.
Hey Brian…get over your cold dammit.
Everyone seems to be getting sick. I hope it passes over me. I don’t really want to get a cold or bronchitis or whatever people have these days.
Oh yeah, I have a decent schedule this weekend, so if anyone wants to do anything on Friday night, let me know. I’ll be able to stay out to a decent hour since I don’t have to be to work until 3 on Saturday. Granted, I’ll have no money so the things to do are limited. But whatever.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

I think I’ve been watching too much Law & Order. I’ve been having odd dreams lately. Last night (or rather, this morning, I guess) I had a weird one. It’s even weirder because I kind of remember what happened in it. Here goes:
I was walking down S. 17th Street in Sheboygan. That’s the street I lived on when I lived with my mom. There’s this bakery near the corner of Pennsylvania and 17th (I think, I suck at street names.) I pass by that and continue walking down the street. Then I’m way up the street by my mother’s store. But the place two doors down from hers is no longer an empty building of crap with tombstones in the front, but now it’s a Chinese restaurant. I go into the restaurant. Apparently it was morning, because they were serving “Chinese-style” omelets. (Don’t ask me, I have no clue.) I sat down and then the maitre-d’ came out and started explaining (in broken English) how the cook used a special process to seal in the most flavor. Then I noticed that some guy was staring at me. He was giving me quite the evil look. I guess this creeped me out because I got up and walked out of the restaurant. He followed me. As I walked through the door, I noticed there was a hearse parked in front of the building. For some reason, I could see all the way through it and there was the body in a tan bag with police tape all around it. The guy who had followed me went and somehow got the body out of the hearse. It was thrown on the ground and the top part of the bag opened up, revealing the head of some dead guy. I started walking back down the street. The guy followed me, yelling at me. Something about how could I have hurt her so bad. He had known all along I was no good. I had apparently killed some female he knew. His sister, wife, mother, who knows. He didn’t say. And now he wanted to kill me. It was about this time that I noticed that in this dream, I wasn’t really “me.” I was middle-age male. That was weird. Then the other guy says he has to kill me on the count of three. He counts one, two, three, and pushes me towards an oncoming car, but then pulls me back before it hits me. He laughs maniacally. He explains that that was just a test. He counts to three again, pushes me, and then I woke up.
Whenever I have particularly odd or vivid dreams, I try to figure out where they came from, since dreams are just the inner workings of your subconscious. This is what I’ve come up with. Let me know if you have any insights.
1. The aforementioned overdose of L&O helps out with dead bodies and menacing guys.2. The whole Reagan thing all of the news probably has something to do with dead bodies too…3. I’m planning on going to Sheboygan this weekend, so that explains the setting.4. I haven’t been eating much lately. I can’t afford food. So I’m guessing the bakery moment and the Chinese restaurant were hunger induced. Although, there were doughnuts at work the other day, so maybe that was it.5. The Chinese omelets get blamed on “Roseanne.” There was an episode on yesterday where they start serving breakfast at their café place. 6. That whole speech from the maitre-d’ was probably inspired by all the Food Network shows I watch. Either that or that Gerber baby food commercial about their nature lock process.
I can’t explain why I was a middle-aged man. I also can’t explain why I would have killed some female. There must be some deeper meaning in that.
Anywho, the weather has been crappy lately. Right now I’m sitting at work, looking at the dark skies and hoping it doesn’t rain until I get home. I’m pretty sure that won’t happen. “Summer” has been really boring thus far, so if anyone has things to do, let me know. I’m going crazy (er?) Although I suppose there are a lot of factors going into my insanity.

Tuesday, June 8, 2004

I will be in Sheboygan around 6:30PM on Saturday night. If you want to meet up with me around that area, let me know by Saturday morning :). I plan on hanging around there for a few hours (depending on who's there and what we do...since I have no money, heh) and then I'll be heading back to Oshkosh.
It is damn hot here. Had to turn on the AC when I got back from work tonight. It was too humid in here. Starting to smell funky, although that might just be the dishes. It's been too hot to do them too. :) Tomorrow... Other than that, I've really not got much to say.

Thursday, June 3, 2004

Men constantly frustrate me. Grrrr. Anyway, nothing much is going on so I'm not quite sure why I'm even typing this. Interim is done tomorrow and then it's back to working full time at Presto and more hours at K-Mart. Fun. Can't wait. Jess had her baby, so if any of you are by Sheboygan, I'll be stopping on down there at some point in the near future. Let me know if you want me to get in touch with you. :)

Tuesday, June 1, 2004

Sigh. I added a new page to the site this afternoon. I've gotten depressed with being alone for so long. It's a "What I Want in a Man" page, so all you men take a look and become what I want. :) Other than that, not much is going on. Class, work. Headaches. Argh. I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

May 2004

Friday, May 28, 2004

Yeah, so my roommate didn't pay her part of the cable bill for a few months so now there is no cable or internet at home. I'll still be able to check my e-mail at work during the week, but no more messenger. That means you people will have to keep in touch with me either by e-mail or by calling me. I expect to have a pretty boring summer, but I'd be ok if someone wanted to try and change that. :) Keep in touch. I'll try and update this on campus every once in awhile.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Good Things:
1) I got my car back on Friday. Well, at 7 PM. Drove it straight home, and when I went to drive to K-Mart Saturday morning (hey, it was raining), the coolant light turned on. So I had to take it BACK on Monday morning and have them fill it up. Morons. Anywho, it seems to be working thus far. Granted, it’s only been 3 days.
2) …
Hmm, actually that seems like the only good thing. Even that is probably a temporary good thing too. Man, life sucks.
Bad Things:
1) When I got my car back, the garage had apparently fucked up my front bumper thingy. Wonderful. So I had to pull off College Ave on the way home from work to rip part of it off cuz it was hitting my tire, making an awful noise, and throwing off my steering. Thanks guys…
2) My body is rebelling. Perhaps it’s the bad eating I’ve been doing lately. When you’re trying to eat whatever is in the house, it doesn’t tend to be overly healthy. So my stomach has not been happy. I also am having back problems again. Damn stress.
3) This afternoon, on my way out the door to work I fell flat on my face. That sucked. I have a huge gash on my elbow and I ripped the knee of my pants. Woo…Let’s hear it for the clutz!
4) I have no money. No really, I’m not lying this time. I still owe the mechanics about $300 and since I missed so many hours up at Presto in the last month, my next paycheck is going to be anything but impressive. It’s depressing. But hopefully I’ll be able to start saving something eventually. After I pay my mom back…after I pay for the stupid trip I took to France…after I pay for my car…ya know, in about 3 years. Sigh.
I have broken down and I’ve decided I’m going to stop and get some groceries on the way home. Screw car insurance and electricity…I need food dammit. LoL. BTW, I’m taking donations. Heh. Also, if any of you know a place where they buy CDs, let me know. I’m looking to sell a ton of mine. List of them is under media-music. Or if you’re interested in buying them, let me know. Thanks.

Friday, May 21, 2004

Still no car.
I got the financial aid reward letter today. Well, I went to my PO Box and it was there at least. The University was wise. I never take the loans, but with just the grants, my tuition and books will be paid for, plus a little extra just for the hell of it. Now, that's better.
On another note, grades have been posted. My diminishing interest in learning is apparent. 2 Bs. Argh. I was actually expecting something less in the Seminar class, but I'm ok with a B. LoL. The other B was Auditing. That was just a pretty gay class in the first place. But, what can you do. One more hideously boring semester of no worth to go! Woo!
That is all.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

I STILL have no car. The mechanics have had my car for almost 2 weeks. Tomorrow, it will be have ONE MONTH since I had a car. Highly unimpressive. I will have my car back tomorrow. Even if I have to kill one or more people to get it. Enough is enough. Thanks a ton Steve. Maybe when I want a good doctor, I'll ask you for a recommendation so I can know where NOT to go. Pfft.
This week has been dreadfully boring. I've gone to class, gone to work, come home, and done nothing all night. Each night. And each night I've had my yahoo messenger status saying "Who wants to make out with me?" and each night, I get nothing. Kind of depressing once again. And if these stupid ppl somewhere don't quit banging on whatever it is they're banging on, I'm gonna go psycho on their asses. It's really getting annoying. Everything has just been getting on my nerves lately. And if one more stupid ass soldier IMs me, I'm gonna go crazy.
Grrr. I'm damn crabby. And I'm tired. I'm always tired. I think I'm sleeping too much again. But when there's nothing better to do...

Sunday, May 16, 2004

I still don't have a car. Yep, that's right. A week AFTER I took it to the shop and I STILL don't have it back. Needless to say, I'm less than impressed with the service I've gotten through Ed's. Don't go there people. They're just wasting my time. They can't figure out what's wrong with it. Isn't that their JOB? I'm completely pissed off and I'll be going there tomorrow to get my car back whether it's fixed or not. I don't want them fucking around with it anymore.
So, I have been without a car for damn near a month now. That's right. A month. This is just ridiculous. I haven't figured out what I'm going to do quite yet and I really don't want to think about it. I wonder sometimes how I can get out of bed in the morning. It's been getting harder, let me tell you. Between the car issue, the money issues, the "guys are fucking assholes" issues and all the other normal life shit, it's been all I can do to not jump off a really high building.
Once again, last night I had a Plan A and a Plan B. Neither panned out. And people wonder why I don't plan thing. Well, there ya go! BECAUSE THEY NEVER WORK OUT YOU DUMBASS! I'm just fed up with people in general and wish everyone would go burn in hell. I don't care what the reasons were. I really don't care why these things happen. I just need to stock up on heavy-duty sleeping pills so they're around when I need them. And don't say you'd notice if I suddenly fell off the face of the earth. You'd get over it.
I realize I'm of very little importance to practically everyone. It's startlingly clear with what's been happening in my life lately. I'm only worth anything when a guy wants a piece of ass or someone to listen to all their problems. I am just generally ignored when it's me who has issues. I find that slightly unfair, but then again, when has life EVER been fair? I just get tired of it. life's not worth all this effort when I get nothing out of it.
I mean I'm only 22. I'm in college. I should be having fun. Instead I spend most of my time alone in my room, trying to distract myself from the depressing blackhole called my life. I self-destructively watch The Learning Channel's "A Wedding Story" and "A Baby Story" knowing damn well that the likelihood of my doing either of those things is very slim. It's just highly depressing. I used to think this manic-depressive thing was a seasonal phenomenon. It usually happened around September. But now it just seems to be a regular thing. Nothing has really been going on to make me bounce back to the happy side of things. Just a whole lot of shit pulling me further down into the sad side.
I don't expect anyone to understand. But it would be nice if people acknowledged it/me every once in a while. I don't like the way I live. At this point, I just don't care enough to do anything about it. As I'm sure I've said before, since I can't even see myself in 10 years, why bother planning for a future I'd rather not have to have? Up to this point, there have been things to work toward. Graduating from high school. Turning 21 (which, by the way, was totally not worth the effort). I suppose now I'm working toward graduating from college, even though I doubt that will be worth all the effort either. After that, I'm not sure what there is to work for. Another who knows how many years of endless torture? No thanks. I'd rather just take the fast train to hell.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Happy people suck.

Saturday, May 8, 2004

So, not only do you stand me up a few years back for my dad's wedding, but now you do it again at the time where you're supposed to redeem yourself and make me understand why you do what you do? Ok then. Whatever.
I don't need that. I have John to torture me with indifference and ignoring me. And at least I get something out of him every once in a while. Something damn good...
Enough about that.
Yawn. I'm so bored and I have nothing to do. I'm sure I'll go to bed soon. Sleeping makes me not have to find something to do. My life is so not worth living most the time. Kinda depressing.

Thursday, May 6, 2004

So I got my car checked out today. It was the head gasket. And it will only cost me $991.61 to get it fixed...good thing I have that money tree out back. Oh wait...shit...
Sometimes prostitution doesn't seem like such a bad career choice...Sigh. Anywho, I'm not sure whether it's just the unnessarily high amount of stress in my life lately or what, but I've been drinking an awful lot lately. I'm not sure that's a good thing. I'm thinking "no", but what do I know. I'll just go with it and try to not get alcohol poisoning. Or not. Whatever.
So, the semester is over in a week. Yay, woo, hurrah, blah, blah, blah. All I have left are exams, so it's not too big a thing. Hello apathy. And it's just going to get worse.
One last thing...I swear the cute mechanic guy was hitting on me. Sweet... :D

Monday, May 3, 2004

So, I had my 3-year review at K-mart this past weekend. At 7:30 in the morning. Nice…Just the way I like to start my day. Ha. Considering I’d had 3 different managers since my last review, not to mention quite a period of time when I had no manager at all, I found the whole idea of someone evaluating my past year’s worth of work slightly amusing. But whatever. Once again, the places they suggested I “needed improvement” were things that either I really didn’t have any control over or things that didn’t affect me anyway. I think I was back in the fixtures area once or twice in the past year, so how can it be my fault it’s trashed? Anyway, I guess they have to come up with something. At least they didn’t tell me to go through register training this time. (Yes…last year my manager wrote that I needed to go through register training so I could help out at the checkouts when needed. Apparently she wasn’t aware that I had worked the registers for nine months at the Sheboygan store and almost that long up here in Oshkosh…hmmm.) And I didn’t get slammed for being rude to customers this time. Funny, since I’m pretty sure I was a lot less friendly during this past year. Oh well. What they don’t see, they can’t judge me on, right?
And, being the totally cool person that I am, I got an “exceeds expectations” rating. Woo. I also got a whole 28¢ raise! Whoa…granted, that IS a 4% raise, but that should tell you what they’ve been paying me thus far…What WILL I do with all that extra cash?
They just hired a couple new people in the softlines area. It is my plan to make them my slaves. It’s easy to do that when they’re little high school girls. The problem comes when they’re old ladies or snotty bitchy girls. So far, the one I’ve met seems acceptable. I won’t start my attempts to make her quit yet. I’ll give it some time. Heh.
My car is still out of commission. I hope to take it to the garage place tomorrow afternoon. It’s rough not having a car. But I discovered that not being able to go anywhere makes you spend less money. Which is cool. Although, maybe it’s just the fact that I have no money that is making me spend less…hmmm…didn’t think about that before. I really need to go pick up my mail, but I’m kind of afraid of all the bills I know will be lurking there for me. Argh. Luckily, the semester will be over soon and I’ll be making more money. Hopefully my financial aid reward letter will also be lurking in the pile of bills so I can see how much money I’ll need for tuition and all that. It had better be $0. Otherwise I’m going to go to the Financial Aid office and wreak havoc. I’ll come up with some crazy revenge plan. It’ll be a good one.
I’m nuts enough to do it. Trust me.
Ok, so it’s May. Why the heck is it 25º out? Grrrr. Wisconsin sucks. My fingers are completely frozen here in this office. It’s not too cold in here today, but my fingers are icy cold. Maybe I’ll find some poor, unsuspecting guy and grab him by the back of the neck. Heh heh. That could be fun. I’m in a “torture those around me” kind of mood today. Maybe it’s hormonal. Or maybe it’s just me embracing the maniac side of me. I think it’s rather apparent by this time that I’m completely insane. I just pretend to be normal on occasion so people don’t throw me in a padded room. What’s the fun of running into walls if you don’t get all nice and bruised up doing it? Bleeding is fun.
**maniacal laughter**

Monday, April 05, 2004

April 2004

Friday April 30, 2004

Jason, have you seen anything about you on this site? Anything that specifically talks about you? I didn’t think so. Why would I write anything about someone who I know for a fact looks at this all the time? Think about it.
Well that’s enough of that.
So, this week has been pretty awful. I’m going to get gray hair pretty soon. Or become an alcoholic. Or something of that nature. I don’t plan to sleep much this weekend, what with a 15 page “thesis”, a 10 page HR paper, an audit case study, and a group discussion project all due Monday or Tuesday. Of course, I haven’t even started writing either of the papers yet. And since I’ve lost all my motivation for the Monday night class (not that I had any in the first place), I can’t say I’m going to put much effort into the group discussion project. So it goes.
My interim class starts May 17. I have a $50 textbook to buy. Well, that’s not going to happen… Religions of America. I figure with my messed up background, I could probably TEACH the class. Needless to say, I’m not exactly jumping up and down about that one…I’ve just gotten very tired of it all. Not just school. Not just work. Everything. I want to shut myself in a dark room for a few days. But, as that doesn’t seem very practical, I guess I’ll continue to suffer through my life. For the love of…this is taking too long to freakin’ download. Wtf…The stupid line isn’t even MOVING anymore. Grrrrrrrrr. Oracle sucks.
I’m tired. Yawn. And I get to do homework all weekend long. Lucky me. I think there’s going to be some drinking involved with my studying though, so my papers might end up making no sense. Tee hee.
It’s looking really crappy outside. Raining and really blah. Yesterday and Wednesday were nice. Kinda windy, but nice and warm and sunny.

Monday April 26, 2004

Geesh. This weekend, I can’t get anyone to give me the time of day to fix my car for this morning. Yet, two people have called me today. Wonderful. Hopefully by tomorrow night, my car will be fixed… or torn apart…really hoping it’s not that second option. Argh.
This weekend at work was weird. It was my weekend to do the audit and stuff like that. I mean, I know I’ve been working there forever (it seems) but sometimes I wonder how other people can work there. How stupid can they be? Why haven’t they been fired? We don’t need ditzy blondes who sit behind the jewelry counter doing god knows what for 4 hours. That doesn’t help anyone. Especially when they ignore the freight that needs to be put out and they don’t set any ads or even open the register! I mean, come on now. It doesn’t take a genius, but some things should be common sense. I didn’t notice she hadn’t opened the register at jewelry until almost 1 pm…That’s pathetic. (Although I must note that it’s also kind of pathetic that there were no jewelry sales that whole time.) Sigh. And I get to “work” with her again next Saturday. Woo…not.
Hopefully she leaves to go home for the summer. Heh…
I’m so unfriendly. There were so many stupid/crabby customers this weekend. It was wearing off onto the employees too. Although I’m always crabby and unfriendly anyway. It seems that I have a talent to be all nice and civil to customers. It’s creepy. I’ve covered service desk for breaks and stuff lately and man, people complain a lot. And return the stupidest things. I mean, if you buy the wrong kind of pens, just freakin’ use them anyway. Is it really worth the extra trip to K-Mart to return pens that you bought for $2.49? And for the love of god, do your own shopping people! Don’t call me up and ask me to check if we have everything on your list. Geesh! People are damn lazy…Don’t even want to walk back to layaway for the bathrooms. Why aren’t the ones in the restaurant open…wah, wah, wah. It’s probably 200 feet more to the bathrooms by layaway than to the ones in the old LC…but you should HEAR the old ladies complain. Man…
My back is still killing me. I can’t even stand up straight when I get out of my chair. I feel like such a dork. Mmmm. Teddy Grahams. I’ve been on a chocolate kick lately. Not good, since it’s totally violating my diet. But I figure since I have no money, soon enough I’ll be not eating at all so therefore I have a little leeway right now, calorie-wise. Fuzzy logic. It’s a great thing. Grrr. It’s cold in here. I really need to do my laundry, but I’ve been lacking inspiration to haul shit up and down stairs, since I can barely get MYSELF there…sigh sigh sigh.

Friday April 23, 2004

First of all, let me say "I hate cars." I'm supposed to be at work right now, but instead I'm sitting here at home. And I actually want to be at work today. I was on the highway for about 2 minutes when I noticed my engine temp had shot waaaaay up. I freaked, of course, and came back home. Apparently there's a leak in my coolant or some such thing. Grrrr. I'm not supposed to drive it, so that means I can't go to work. I'm losing so much money! Waaaaaah!
Anyways, this once again gives me too much time alone doing nothing. I created that food gallery picture page I was talking about before. I plan to do some more cooking today (since I've got nothing better to do) so maybe I'll have more pics there soon. I'm so bored.
I've really got nothing else to say right now. I suppose I could do homework too...since I've found myself with all this free time.

Wednesday April 21, 2004

I have come to the realization that I'm a very difficult person to deal with. (No comments please.) I was thinking about my thoughts on a potential mate. I have an entire page dedicated to this concept. I basically say I need a lot of attention, so I'm looking for someone who can give me this attention. But, I think I also say I don't want a guy who will smother me. This seems contradictory. I mean, how can a guy give me lots of attention without running the risk of smothering me? I suppose if I liked the guy enough, an excess amount of attention wouldn't be "smothering." I think "smothering" carries a negative "annoyance factor" with it. If I want to be around the person just as much as they want to be around me, there isn't an issue of who's smothering whom. On the other hand, if the guy is someone I'm not too fond of in the first place and they just don't seem to be getting the idea, then the thought of spending way too much time with him is not too great. That's where the smothering thing comes in. I was just thinking about that earlier and I decided to clear that up.
I was also thinking about my future lately. That's something I generally try not to do. It's depressing. Sometimes, when I get drunk, I think about it too much and realize I can't even see myself in 5 years. I have no idea what I want to be doing. Sure, I have my unrealistic dream of being marrying to a rich guy and sitting home cooking and living in luxury. But I'm pretty sure we all know that's not going to happen. So, in reality, I don't know where I will be. I don't know where I WANT to be. That's why I try not to think about it too much. It's not that I prefer to "live for today" or whatever. Cuz "today" sucks ass. It's just that as a chronic pessimist, the future ain't so bright...I've said many times, I'm tired of working. I'm only 22 and already I'm sick of getting up and going to work for 8+ hours practically every day. It's not the job that's the problem. I (generally) like both my jobs. It's just the never having a break from it thing. Sometimes I'd like to have a few days in a row where I have absolutely nothing to do. That hasn't happened for a long time. And even the one here and there thing has been rare. I'm hoping that I'll get some sweet-ass financial aid for the next semester so I can work like I am now and perhaps have something to show for it. That would be a change. It's like I can never get ahead. The last time I had a little bit built up, that stupid rabbit decided to attack my car. Grrrrr. In this area, I think I deserve to be able to complain a little. Sure, I live by myself, have a car, blah, blah, blah, your education will pay it back in the end, starving people in Africa, ...I don't see how it's comparable. I work my ass off for basically nothing. It pisses me off sometimes. And I reserve the right to complain about it forever and ever. And there's nothing you can do about it.
So there. :P
I can't wait for the semester to be over with. I have a lot left to do, being the procrastinator that I am. Even having only 4 classes, it's been a busy semester. Interesting for the most part. But don't even get me started on the Honors Seminar I've been forced to sit through. Not the best experience with the Honors Program...But, hey, I'll get a medallion or something when I graduate (on December 18 *ahem*.) Woo! Go me! Sigh...
Ever get the feeling your world is crashing down around you? Well, that seems to happen to me a lot. Lately, it's been a "semi-crashing down" feeling. Some parts are going pretty well. Others, not so hot. I rarely have the feeling that everything in my life is a-ok all at the same time. I think there's some physics law of equilibrium or something out there that states that at no time can all parts of my life be satisfactory. Why did I choose physics? Cuz I don't like, it sounded all smart and inventive and stuff. And I'm educated and intelligent like that. While I think there's nothing wrong with shameless self promotion every once in a while (and we all know I do my fair share of it), it can get to be a little much sometimes. Yeah, everyone thinks they're god's gift (unless they're depressed or something...) but it's not necessary to share that with everyone you meet everytime you meet them. An attractive personal characteristic out there is humility. No one likes a guy with an ego the size of Texas. Speaking of Texas, I still can't believe some of the things the Texans say without even thinking about how they are heard by northern non-bigots.
Anywho...I think that's probably enough of my musings for right now.

Tuesday April 20, 2004

I have found a woman after my own heart. Granted, she's English. But I can overlook that. She has written a book called "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation. Here's an excerpt. Anyone who has the pleasure (?) of knowing me and also having a hard time using the English language properly will see the appeal of this woman. She's hilarious.

Friday April 16, 2004

I had the weirdest dream last night. Ok, maybe not the weirdest (I’ve had some WEIRD dreams), but definitely interesting. I don’t remember all of it at this point, but it involved France, my sister and me smoking pot, me EATING pot (and it tasted like apples for some reason), Justin, my former orchestra teacher as a hooker, some really hot guy, a huge RV type thing where I lived which somehow turned into a stadium seating movie theatre, a quaint hotel room that was right next to a gigantic fountain that kept spraying water into the window and soaking my stuff. And I was mad because I knew I’d never be able to sleep with the roar of the fountain right next to my room. I don’t know what the heck it meant. But it kept me entertained during the night, that’s for sure. I should keep a dream journal or something. I haven’t had any dreams that I’ve remembered for a while. Perhaps I remembered this one because we were watching When Harry Met Sally last night and my favorite part of the movie is when Harry describes his dream about having sex in the Olympics and his mother (disguised as an East German) giving him a 5.6 or something. “Must have been the dismount.” Timeless…
The office is practically empty this afternoon. It’s sunny out and apparently everyone decided to take vacation time. Must be nice. LoL. I suppose I could just leave too since no one here would care, but I need the money. Missing Monday wasn’t cool. Since I already had 2 fewer days last pay period anyway. Argh! Money sucks. I hope to hear about the financial aid situation soon to see how much money I need to get saved up this summer. I’m hoping $0.00, but I don’t think that’s very realistic. Who knows though? Maybe I’ll get lucky.
I’m doomed to be in puberty for the rest of my life. Seriously. I can’t do anything without hurting myself or getting crap all over myself. Take today, for instance. I have a huge pen mark on my leg where my pen slipped while I was talking to someone. Lovely. And just now, I went to the bubbler (aah! Wisconsinism!) to get some more water in my water bottle and when I took a sip, I dribbled water all down my shirt. Who does things like that? Argh! I got spaghetti sauce all over one of my audit working papers last week. That was fun.
I’ve decided that instead of going on a diet consisting of balanced meals of foods that are good for me, I’m going to live on water and unsalted saltines. And M&M cookies from Copps. (yum.) If this doesn’t not sound like a good idea to you, let me know. ;)
Aaaaah. Headache. Good god. I just looked at the weather channel website and apparently it’s 77 degrees out. Wouldn’t know that from the arctic conditions here in the office. Hmm. Ditching work early is looking even MORE tempting. Decisions, decisions. I always miss out on the good things. That sucks. Everyone else gets to go frolicking around in sunny meadows of flowers with butterflies and rainbows around. They get to eat fresh strawberries and dance with elves. Whereas I’m stuck inside my cube. With a computer. And an adding machine. And a fern (that’s badly in need of water…) And lots and lots of three ring binders.
So it goes.
I spend an awful lot of time complaining, don’t I? No wonder everyone thinks I’m always in a bad mood. I personally see no problem with having such a dreary outlook. What’s wrong with being “ok”? Sure, I’m not “absolutely fantabulously wonderful”, but who wants to be something so gay sounding anyway? I believe I’m constantly misunderstood. But instead of trying to make people understand me (which is basically a waste of time anyway), I just wallow in my self pity. Muhahahahahahahahahahahaha.
I have no self pity, you fools! I’m a perfectly happy person…if you happen to catch me during the 2 or 3 minutes a day when nothing’s going wrong.
It’s so cold in this office. I’m wearing a freakin’ turtleneck and I’m getting goosebumps. My body will probably go into shock when I step outside. Lol. The parking lot is getting progressively emptier. I think I’ll take off when Jane leaves, which is about 10 minutes from now. : ) whoo!

Wednesday April 14, 2004

Aaah. File your taxes! Do it now! Only one day left! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!
Oh wait a minute. That's right. I filed mine February 1st. And I'M NOT A TAX ACCOUNTANT!!!! Although, I did get a 97 on my most recent tax exam. Hmm. Maybe I should reconsider my career path? Ha! Don't think so. My career path will consist of a couch and a tv. Yeah. Couch potato mom Martha. I wish. Someone, knock me up real fast so I don't have to work anymore. Tee hee. Just kidding. I'd go crazy. (Or would that be crazier since we all know I'm clincally insane at this point...) I'm not functioning. Can you tell? I'm not exactly floating around in Marthaland like I was back in January or whenever that was. But I'm not really participating in the "real" world either. At work today, I was zoning out on a regular basis. Joe told me I looked bad (ok, he said "sick"...same thing) and George was concerned that I might not make it in on Friday. Now, I thought I looked WAAAAAY better today than I did either Monday or yesterday, but apparently, either I was wrong, or I looked just hideous the past two days. In either case, it's discomforting.
See, I'm rambling with no purpose. Don't you hate it when people do that? And this stupid daylights saving thing is messing me up. It's 6:30 and it's still light out. It makes me think I have a lot of time left in which to accomplish things, when I really don't. That just sucks. Stupid sun...
That new Britney Spears song is stuck in my head. Almost as bad as when that never ending song was stuck there...although that went on and on...cuz it was the song that never ends...yes, it goes on an on my friend, and we'll be singing it forever cuz it's the song that never ends...

Sunday April 11, 2004

It's amazing how many people actually read this...I only noticed this because a few people mentioned that I hadn't updated it in awhile. Weird. I knew I was interesting, but I didn't know people had nothing better to do than read my messed up thoughts on my messed up life. Speaking of messed up, I'm not sure right now is the best time to be updating this, me being doped up on cold medicine. Yeah. It was 65 degrees on Tuesday and it snowed yesterday and this morning. Go figure. I was going to go grocery shopping and, but spending my entire day at K-Mart hauling boxes of socks around and changing watch batteries for little old women while pretending I care about what their husband has done to annoy them is very tiring. Sigh. I should really do some reading for my seminar class or some other homework-ish thing, but I don't think that's going to happen. Staring at my ceiling? Possibly. Curling up in a ball and going to sleep? Maybe. Drinking the rest of my vodka and laying down to a spinning, wonderful, drunken world? Not tonight. Having a tall, dark, handsome man knock on my door, take me in his arms, and do indescribable things to me? HAHAHAHA. Yeah right. Where the hell did THAT come from? I don't even know what I'm talking about now, so I think I'll just quit before I say/write something even stupider than what's already here.

Friday, March 05, 2004

March 2004

Monday March 22, 2004

What is it about that Linkin Park song, Numb, that I like so much? Is it their screaming-like singing? Is it the rebel lyrics and attitude? Is it the weird background stuff? Maybe it's just the fact that the singer is cute. Although one can't really tell that from listening to the song. Friday March 19, 2004
Seriously, men, what is up with you lately? The past few days, I just can’t seem to escape outrageously annoying situations. I bring you to Tuesday evening. I invited someone to come hang with me for a bit. He says, “OK. I’ve got to take a shower but I’ll come right over after that.” He never shows. To his credit, this morning he had left me an offline telling me that his car broke down. But still. Sigh.
Then there was Wednesday. I had made plans on Tuesday to go out and have some fun in celebration of St. Patrick’s Day. I get home from work and when I get in touch with the person I’d made plans with, he’s all, “I had a bad day at work and I don’t think I’ll be much fun to be around. I’m just gonna sit at home and wallow in my self pity.” Alrighty then. Another night down the drain.
Then there’s yesterday, Thursday. I had made plans to go to dinner with someone, but since he hadn’t called Wednesday night, I figured he found something better to do with his time. And that’s fine. I had no problem with that. But then he calls me around 6 and asks whether I want to go somewhere. Uhm. No. I already ate thanks. Plus, you didn’t call me yesterday to make the plans, so I didn’t expect to be going anywhere. Long conversation and many miscommunications later, he tells me he’ll call me back later. He’s gonna go to a friend’s place and watch a movie. Ok, fine. About 2 minutes later, he calls me back saying he’s changed his mind. So, what did I want to do? Geesh, boy. You just have a decision making complex. Then when he figures out I’m not interested in doing anything with him, he gets all, “Well I just gave up time with my friends for you, you ungrateful, selfish bitch.” And I inform him that he chose to tell his friends “no” all by himself. Then after some more miscommunications and highly unoriginal lyric quoting on his end, I find myself talking to his sister…for some reason…not quite sure. But I inform her that I’m hanging up and then proceed to do so. He calls back about a minute later. Not much is accomplished by this conversation either and I’m not really sure who hung up that time. I think it was me.
I was pretty ticked off by this time. So I went and did the dishes and then began to read some stuff from my auditing book. He calls back AGAIN about an hour later to ask if I was still “trippin’.” I inform him that I was NEVER “trippin’” and that’s he starting to get kind of annoying. He says, “So, that’s how it is.” Uh, yeah. Then I tell him that I’m not quite sure why he keeps calling back. He’s like, “you’re right” and hangs up on me. Nice. At least he didn’t call me a slut. LoL. Then the guy who ditched me on Wednesday keeps having indecision problems. First he’s “too horny” to come and take a walk with me, (although I don’t really see the connection…). Then all of the sudden he’s ok with it. Then he decides it’s probably not a good idea again. Gargh!
Alright, I admit it. I took a little poetic liberty with some of those direct quotes. But it’s more interesting this way, trust me.
I’ve started doing Tae Bo in the morning now. I mean after John tells me I’m fat, what else can I do? Sigh. That’s a whole other story. It’s kind of kicking my ass. (The Tae Bo that is.) I think my problem is that I don’t do the whole stretching thing after the kicking punching workout stuff. Then I’m sore the whole day. : ) Or maybe it’s just that I’m horribly out of shape. Yeah, that’s probably it. But after I finish my SpongeBob cookie dough ice cream, I’ll be on my diet. I just happened to have bought an extraordinary amount of ice cream (especially for someone who’s lactose intolerant, ahem) right before I decided to go on said diet. How ironic. But other than the ice cream, I’ve been eating fairly well. Tea in the morning. Sandwich at work for lunch. Fruit bowl, or in today’s case, carrots, for a snack. Last night I made rice and peas for dinner that turned out quite well. I just have to cut out the soda and other junk. And the goldfish crackers. I was banned from the goldfish by John. Makes me kind of sad since I was basically LIVING on them a few summers ago. But it’s probably better that way. They leave a funky taste in my mouth. I’m going to start eating wheat bread instead of white. I just finished the loaf of white this morning. I’m also going on a vegetable kick. I’m a fan of broccoli. I used to pretend I was a dinosaur and I had to go eat the trees. Whoa…creepy. That was a peek into my messed up childhood. No more fast food. All the good healthy things ya know. We’ll see how long this lasts. If it would ever warm up and quit raining, I plan to walk every evening too. But with WI weather, I’m not sure how well that part of the deal will go. But I exist on this earth to make John happy (har, har, har…dying of laughter) so I’ll do what I can. Plus, he’s got a point. I’m lazy and need to get out more. And my eating habits still suck even though I have a kitchen now.
I’m bored. I’m at work. This is Spring Break and since the other two interns here hopped off the Cancun and California, I ended up working a full week. Lovely. That’s my life. The guy I work for has been out of the office since Tuesday though. Seminars and vacation. He left me with a whole stack of things to do, but I’m done with all of that by now. So, that leaves me with nothing to do. I’m sure I can find something to do, but right now I’m just feeling lazy. I also get the feeling that my ranch dip for my carrots is stinking up the entire floor. LoL. Sweet. Office cube environments rock! I’d love to just say, “well, I’ve got nothing to do, time to go home,” but not only do I want the money, I’m sure there’s something I should be doing. Plus, I’m always paranoid that the one time I sneak out he’ll call me with something and I won’t be here. Not that it’s really that huge of a deal. I’m just an intern. But still. I’d feel bad. I mean, he called me once when I was in class and had turned my phone off. I didn’t turn it back on until a few hours later. But I still felt bad that I hadn’t called him back sooner. Even though it wasn’t a dramatically important issue anyway. I’m just paranoid and insecure. It’s not like they’ll fire me. I don’t think…
K-Mart on the other hand…Nah, they wouldn’t fire me either. They’ve been giving me really crappy hours, but I’m ok with that. There’s not much to do when I’m there except for fitting rooms and freight. I don’t really like people who work there either. Just a few service desk people and that’s it. Softlines has really been trimmed down. Not that we’re too busy anyway. Sigh. I do really like the new layaway system though. It’s actually connected to the other network of computers. Whoa. Welcome to the 21st century. Now if they could only figure out a way so we wouldn’t have to enter people’s names and addresses every single time they do a layaway. I mean, you don’t have to do that at WalMart…lol lol lol.

Thursday March 11, 2004

Have you ever done a search on your own name on yahoo or google or something? Well, being the lame person that I am, I decided to do just that. Here are the results. These numbers are just the results that were actually something to do with me:
Dogpile: 11Google: 4Yahoo: 5Hot Bot: 5Alta Vista: 2Lycos: 8Ask Jeeves: 10AOL Search: 4
Uhm. That was scary. I really have other things to be doing. Really, I do. But I'd much rather sit around doing worthless internet searches. :D

Tuesday March 9, 2004

Oh gosh...My HR class just keeps getting worse. We had our first exam last week. When we were taking the thing it was bad enough. She numbered things wrong and had some matching...6 questions with choices A-F. Ok, everyone knows there's no "F" on a Scantron form. Genius...So we got the exams back today. We spent the first 45 minutes or so trying to figure out why it seemed like everyone failed. Then she figured out that since there were 4 different versions of the exam, she must have run the answer key for the wrong version for about half of the class. Uh Duh. Then she kept confusing the dumber half of the class by saying "matching" instead of "multiple choice." Then she realized that she had only given one point for each matching question when they were really worth two. After that hoopla died down, she launched into a speech about how she was kind of disappointed in the test results. She whipped out this thing we had done the first day of class that listed goals we as students had set out for both ourselves and her. She came toe the conclusion that the reason we all sucked at the exam was because she had trust issues. She then went to another dimension all her own and told a very heart-warming story about her trust issue with her horse, Rosey, and how she hadn't yet been able to trust the horse enough to ride bareback, yet the formerly abused horse had been able to trust her after two years. I'm totally serious. She proceeded to start crying again. That took up another half an hour or so. After that, someone asked about this Job Analysis project thing we've got going on. After about 10 minutes of rummaging through the crate she carts around, she emerged with a transparency of something she got from a different professor. That was the end of the class. Seriously people. What the hell... She's a sweet lady and I think she's a good person, but she's not a good professor. She's trying, but just not getting there.
I bought a vacuum cleaner on Sunday. Finally got around to assembling it this afternoon. It works pretty well. Considering "we" hadn't vacuumed the floor since we've been was pretty scary. I got a Dirt Devil Breeze. 12 amp, bagless. It's kind of loud, but much more effective than the wussy power broom or whatever I had before. Now I can go on more productive hormone induced cleaning binges. :)
Next week is Spring Break. I keep forgetting that. Not that I'm doing anything too important. Just working...sitting around...hopefully doing homework and accomplishing things...possibly creating a love nest for a few hours sometime...John...Ahem...

Thursday March 4, 2005

So I registered. Yay. Also turned in my graduation applications. December 18th everyone. Remember to forget! Anyways, nothing much is going on in MarthaLand. What else is new? Oh yeah...I just said nothing. Short memory span...
I went on a cleaning binge this afternoon. Did dishes, cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed, mopped. The whole nine yards. Ok, maybe eight yards. I couldn't bring myself to vacuum my room. I need a bigger vacuum for that task. My little power broom can't handle that amount of scuzz. Not that anyone wanted to hear about my floor scuzz. :) Oh well. This is my website and I can say anything I want to.
Speaking of scuzz. John rather insulted me last weekend so there's no way I want anything to do with him for a while. If he wants to see me, he can call me. I know, I know. I've said this a gazillion times before and I always cave in and call him. Not this time. I was just so disgusted with him by the time I left last Saturday I wanted to kick his ass. Not a good thing. He can be such an asshole sometimes. Medication thins his blood so he can't get it up? What crap...

Tuesday March 2, 2004

I have an exam this morning and I've barely opened the books for the class. That's wonderful... I'm just completely apathetic. I just don't care. It's a stupid class that I don't want to take and will most likely never use. Grrrr. I registered for classes for next semester last night and the same goes for all of them. Not one of the classes I have to take to finish up my college education is in any way interesting to me. Ops Management? Music and Culture? Argh... But I must suffer through another 14 weeks of busy work and boredom and waste another $2000+ of my hard earned money to ultimately receive the stupid piece of paper that tells employers I rock. Dude, I already rock. Why couldn't they see that without all this hoopla?
This Sucks.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

February 2004

Sunday February 22, 2004

Bah. I think I'm finally recovering from my lah lah land week. I seriously don't know what happened in the last 6 days. I was kinda out of it. Life is weird. Last night I had to try really hard to not call John. It was kind of a test for myself to see if I could do it. It was totally difficult. I called him tonight when I got home from work. He asks why I didn't call him last night. Well, why didn't YOU call ME you big dork! Grrrrrr. Stupid horny Martha. Why does he have to be so cute. I'm obsessed, and I know it. And there's nothing I can do about it. Not sure I WANT to do anything about it.
But on a completely different subject, since I know everyone is tired of hearing about John, Brian all of the sudden IM-ed me the other day. That was interesting. Has quite a tempting proposition too, considering how I've been trying to get a guy to go on camera with me for awhile. We'll see how it goes. I may be a small screen star soon. Tee hee. Let's hope it doesn't leak onto the internet. :) What would my parents think.... oh wait, that's right. They don't care!
School sucks. I'm tired of it already. Not that I'm really doing much this semester. Only four classes and I'm kind of not really applying myself to my studies. Like right now, I should be doing Auditing or something I suppose. I just don't feel like it. I'm actually trying to decide if I want to go get something to eat. I haven't been eating much lately and now, since it's snowing again, I'm not sure I want to go back outside. Meh. Bah. Grr. Hiss. Boo.

Monday February 16, 2004

*moan* I'm so sick. I went to work this morning. I sat there, staring at my computer for about an hour and then decided that was stupid and came back home. I've been sleeping on and off since then. I've been floating around in a haze for the last few days anyways. I feel like a huge orange. All I've had to eat or drink since probably Friday is orange juice. I don't know. I have a night class tonight but I'm not sure I'm gonna make it all the way through. I just completely lack any kind of concentration. I'm surprised I didn't kill myself driving either to or from work this morning. My mind is just all over the place and I tend to have dizzy spells. Not to mention the incessant shaking which is really starting to piss me off. I have all kinds of problems.
That was exhausting. Time to go back to bed for a little bit.

Tuesday February 10, 2004

This website (and, as it should be assumed, the author of this website) wishes to thank the following people for acknowledging said author's birthday. (IT WAS YESTERDAY YOU DUMMY...)
1. My mother. She called my phone while I was in my seminar class (thanks, mom...) In her message, she sang happy birthday and then accused me of not calling her enough. Geesh, I just called you like 2 weeks ago...*Sigh*
2. David. I'll let this one get by, even though he actually said "Happy Birthday" on Saturday...shall we say "extenuating circumstances?" :)
3. My sister, Catherine. Once again, tough call on this one. She sent me a DVD player about 2 weeks ago and a card a few days after that. Nothing yesterday, but that's ok. It still counts.
4. My brother, Evan. Sent me a short "happy birthday to you" e-mail in the afternoon.
5. Mikus. Guy I chat with. He's a nice guy. He's married too, so it's good to just talk.
6. Catherine, my former roommate. She informed me that I'm old now...
7. Jaysinn. Another guy I chat with, although I don't know why he said that to me since he hasn't talked to me at all since he ditched me a while back. Bastards...
8. My grandmother. She sent a card. She's got it easy though. We have the same birthday.
That's about it. Unless you want to count the gay "Happy Birthday mld_82!" thing from Yahoo!...

Sunday February 8, 2004

Hmm. Maybe this VITA thing wasn't such a good idea. I have to take this certification test in order to be able to volunteer my Saturday mornings for the next 2 months. That doesn't really make a lot of sense, but I guess when I'm doing other people's tax returns, it's good to make sure I know what I'm doing. :) It should be fun. I hope.
I still really have nothing of any importance to say to the masses (that would be you...) I'm just procrastinating. I don't want to do my homework. I just want to lay around doing nothing. But that doesn't seem very practical, given the pile of books just begging to be opened. Plus, one of my neighbors has this really annoying music that must be playing really loud and on repeat and it's driving me nuts. The more I try and ignore it, the more I focus in on it and it makes me insane. Sigh.
I've started trying to bribe people to associate with me. I offer them things to come over. Unfortunately, no one seems to be cool with that. On the other hand, there are a few people who ask constantly, "Can I come over?" These are the people I'd really rather not have come over, of course. I can't win. Then there's John. I don't even know what to say about him right now. For anyone who's been reading this stupid website from the beginning, I think you've noticed that he's a recurring character in this story. Usually, he's pissing me off or I'm ranting about how great he is. This can't be healthly. Oh well. He's cute, so what can ya do? :D
Well, I'm off to work soon. Go K-Mart! I still can't believe that people buy things for their significant others for Valentine's Day at K-Mart. And then they're surprised when it breaks or the gems are shitty. bought it at K-MART...not exactly known for the greatest of quality. Duh...
That is all...

Friday February 6, 2004

Blah. I don't really have anything to say, but I think this page looks totally gay, completely blank like it was. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. But it's only 8. That's sad.
So, the spring semester began this past Monday. My schedule this semester is decent. Only 4 classes. One night class on Monday and then 3 classes back to back on Tuesday and Thursday. This makes my working schedule much nicer than previous semesters and it also gives me lots of free time. Not that I'm using it or anything.
I have this Honors Seminar. It's the last class I need to graduate from the Honors Program. It's a semester long class that's a thesis in disguise. The theme this time is race. Great...I don't get enough about that from John. Argh. (Not that I'm complaining...John...) It's going to be a lot of work that I'm not quite sure I want to do. I also have Auditing (also, lots of work), Tax II, and HR. Now, this HR class is going to be hell on earth. The professor is new and this is her first time teaching this class. That is to say she really has no idea what she's doing. So aside from being dreadfully boring, I wouldn't learn anything if I wanted to. Not that I want to. HR = worthless. Tax should be fine and Auditing, although it's at 8am, should be ok since the prof has a really loud voice and seemingly unending energy. Yeesh.
Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. VITA training in the morning followed by Kim's baby shower and then work in the evening. Yay. Perhaps going to bed at 8 isn't so pathetic if I think about it.
Ok, yes it is. I look at it this way. I have no life. I do nothing. The more time I spend sleeping means the less time I have to try and figure out what to do with myself. I could drink, eat, do drugs...instead I opt to do something less harmful...sleep. Too much sleep never hurt anyone...right?
Oh wait...isn't sleeping a lot a sign of depression. So is alcoholism (I type as I take another swig of my Rolling Rock.) Oh well...When life is just as boring awake as it is asleep, why not sleep it away?
Justin might be visiting me sometime soon, so that's cool. I'm sure K-Mart will find some way to fuck it up though. Bastards...
That's all for now from me, Miss Merry Sunshine.