April 2004

Friday April 30, 2004

Jason, have you seen anything about you on this site? Anything that specifically talks about you? I didn’t think so. Why would I write anything about someone who I know for a fact looks at this all the time? Think about it.
Well that’s enough of that.
So, this week has been pretty awful. I’m going to get gray hair pretty soon. Or become an alcoholic. Or something of that nature. I don’t plan to sleep much this weekend, what with a 15 page “thesis”, a 10 page HR paper, an audit case study, and a group discussion project all due Monday or Tuesday. Of course, I haven’t even started writing either of the papers yet. And since I’ve lost all my motivation for the Monday night class (not that I had any in the first place), I can’t say I’m going to put much effort into the group discussion project. So it goes.
My interim class starts May 17. I have a $50 textbook to buy. Well, that’s not going to happen… Religions of America. I figure with my messed up background, I could probably TEACH the class. Needless to say, I’m not exactly jumping up and down about that one…I’ve just gotten very tired of it all. Not just school. Not just work. Everything. I want to shut myself in a dark room for a few days. But, as that doesn’t seem very practical, I guess I’ll continue to suffer through my life. For the love of…this is taking too long to freakin’ download. Wtf…The stupid line isn’t even MOVING anymore. Grrrrrrrrr. Oracle sucks.
I’m tired. Yawn. And I get to do homework all weekend long. Lucky me. I think there’s going to be some drinking involved with my studying though, so my papers might end up making no sense. Tee hee.
It’s looking really crappy outside. Raining and really blah. Yesterday and Wednesday were nice. Kinda windy, but nice and warm and sunny.

Monday April 26, 2004

Geesh. This weekend, I can’t get anyone to give me the time of day to fix my car for this morning. Yet, two people have called me today. Wonderful. Hopefully by tomorrow night, my car will be fixed… or torn apart…really hoping it’s not that second option. Argh.
This weekend at work was weird. It was my weekend to do the audit and stuff like that. I mean, I know I’ve been working there forever (it seems) but sometimes I wonder how other people can work there. How stupid can they be? Why haven’t they been fired? We don’t need ditzy blondes who sit behind the jewelry counter doing god knows what for 4 hours. That doesn’t help anyone. Especially when they ignore the freight that needs to be put out and they don’t set any ads or even open the register! I mean, come on now. It doesn’t take a genius, but some things should be common sense. I didn’t notice she hadn’t opened the register at jewelry until almost 1 pm…That’s pathetic. (Although I must note that it’s also kind of pathetic that there were no jewelry sales that whole time.) Sigh. And I get to “work” with her again next Saturday. Woo…not.
Hopefully she leaves to go home for the summer. Heh…
I’m so unfriendly. There were so many stupid/crabby customers this weekend. It was wearing off onto the employees too. Although I’m always crabby and unfriendly anyway. It seems that I have a talent to be all nice and civil to customers. It’s creepy. I’ve covered service desk for breaks and stuff lately and man, people complain a lot. And return the stupidest things. I mean, if you buy the wrong kind of pens, just freakin’ use them anyway. Is it really worth the extra trip to K-Mart to return pens that you bought for $2.49? And for the love of god, do your own shopping people! Don’t call me up and ask me to check if we have everything on your list. Geesh! People are damn lazy…Don’t even want to walk back to layaway for the bathrooms. Why aren’t the ones in the restaurant open…wah, wah, wah. It’s probably 200 feet more to the bathrooms by layaway than to the ones in the old LC…but you should HEAR the old ladies complain. Man…
My back is still killing me. I can’t even stand up straight when I get out of my chair. I feel like such a dork. Mmmm. Teddy Grahams. I’ve been on a chocolate kick lately. Not good, since it’s totally violating my diet. But I figure since I have no money, soon enough I’ll be not eating at all so therefore I have a little leeway right now, calorie-wise. Fuzzy logic. It’s a great thing. Grrr. It’s cold in here. I really need to do my laundry, but I’ve been lacking inspiration to haul shit up and down stairs, since I can barely get MYSELF there…sigh sigh sigh.

Friday April 23, 2004

First of all, let me say "I hate cars." I'm supposed to be at work right now, but instead I'm sitting here at home. And I actually want to be at work today. I was on the highway for about 2 minutes when I noticed my engine temp had shot waaaaay up. I freaked, of course, and came back home. Apparently there's a leak in my coolant or some such thing. Grrrr. I'm not supposed to drive it, so that means I can't go to work. I'm losing so much money! Waaaaaah!
Anyways, this once again gives me too much time alone doing nothing. I created that food gallery picture page I was talking about before. I plan to do some more cooking today (since I've got nothing better to do) so maybe I'll have more pics there soon. I'm so bored.
I've really got nothing else to say right now. I suppose I could do homework too...since I've found myself with all this free time.

Wednesday April 21, 2004

I have come to the realization that I'm a very difficult person to deal with. (No comments please.) I was thinking about my thoughts on a potential mate. I have an entire page dedicated to this concept. I basically say I need a lot of attention, so I'm looking for someone who can give me this attention. But, I think I also say I don't want a guy who will smother me. This seems contradictory. I mean, how can a guy give me lots of attention without running the risk of smothering me? I suppose if I liked the guy enough, an excess amount of attention wouldn't be "smothering." I think "smothering" carries a negative "annoyance factor" with it. If I want to be around the person just as much as they want to be around me, there isn't an issue of who's smothering whom. On the other hand, if the guy is someone I'm not too fond of in the first place and they just don't seem to be getting the idea, then the thought of spending way too much time with him is not too great. That's where the smothering thing comes in. I was just thinking about that earlier and I decided to clear that up.
I was also thinking about my future lately. That's something I generally try not to do. It's depressing. Sometimes, when I get drunk, I think about it too much and realize I can't even see myself in 5 years. I have no idea what I want to be doing. Sure, I have my unrealistic dream of being marrying to a rich guy and sitting home cooking and living in luxury. But I'm pretty sure we all know that's not going to happen. So, in reality, I don't know where I will be. I don't know where I WANT to be. That's why I try not to think about it too much. It's not that I prefer to "live for today" or whatever. Cuz "today" sucks ass. It's just that as a chronic pessimist, the future ain't so bright...I've said many times, I'm tired of working. I'm only 22 and already I'm sick of getting up and going to work for 8+ hours practically every day. It's not the job that's the problem. I (generally) like both my jobs. It's just the never having a break from it thing. Sometimes I'd like to have a few days in a row where I have absolutely nothing to do. That hasn't happened for a long time. And even the one here and there thing has been rare. I'm hoping that I'll get some sweet-ass financial aid for the next semester so I can work like I am now and perhaps have something to show for it. That would be a change. It's like I can never get ahead. The last time I had a little bit built up, that stupid rabbit decided to attack my car. Grrrrr. In this area, I think I deserve to be able to complain a little. Sure, I live by myself, have a car, blah, blah, blah, your education will pay it back in the end, starving people in Africa, ...I don't see how it's comparable. I work my ass off for basically nothing. It pisses me off sometimes. And I reserve the right to complain about it forever and ever. And there's nothing you can do about it.
So there. :P
I can't wait for the semester to be over with. I have a lot left to do, being the procrastinator that I am. Even having only 4 classes, it's been a busy semester. Interesting for the most part. But don't even get me started on the Honors Seminar I've been forced to sit through. Not the best experience with the Honors Program...But, hey, I'll get a medallion or something when I graduate (on December 18 *ahem*.) Woo! Go me! Sigh...
Ever get the feeling your world is crashing down around you? Well, that seems to happen to me a lot. Lately, it's been a "semi-crashing down" feeling. Some parts are going pretty well. Others, not so hot. I rarely have the feeling that everything in my life is a-ok all at the same time. I think there's some physics law of equilibrium or something out there that states that at no time can all parts of my life be satisfactory. Why did I choose physics? Cuz I don't like physics...plus, it sounded all smart and inventive and stuff. And I'm educated and intelligent like that. While I think there's nothing wrong with shameless self promotion every once in a while (and we all know I do my fair share of it), it can get to be a little much sometimes. Yeah, everyone thinks they're god's gift (unless they're depressed or something...) but it's not necessary to share that with everyone you meet everytime you meet them. An attractive personal characteristic out there is humility. No one likes a guy with an ego the size of Texas. Speaking of Texas, I still can't believe some of the things the Texans say without even thinking about how they are heard by northern non-bigots.
Anywho...I think that's probably enough of my musings for right now.

Tuesday April 20, 2004

I have found a woman after my own heart. Granted, she's English. But I can overlook that. She has written a book called "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation. Here's an excerpt. Anyone who has the pleasure (?) of knowing me and also having a hard time using the English language properly will see the appeal of this woman. She's hilarious.

Friday April 16, 2004

I had the weirdest dream last night. Ok, maybe not the weirdest (I’ve had some WEIRD dreams), but definitely interesting. I don’t remember all of it at this point, but it involved France, my sister and me smoking pot, me EATING pot (and it tasted like apples for some reason), Justin, my former orchestra teacher as a hooker, some really hot guy, a huge RV type thing where I lived which somehow turned into a stadium seating movie theatre, a quaint hotel room that was right next to a gigantic fountain that kept spraying water into the window and soaking my stuff. And I was mad because I knew I’d never be able to sleep with the roar of the fountain right next to my room. I don’t know what the heck it meant. But it kept me entertained during the night, that’s for sure. I should keep a dream journal or something. I haven’t had any dreams that I’ve remembered for a while. Perhaps I remembered this one because we were watching When Harry Met Sally last night and my favorite part of the movie is when Harry describes his dream about having sex in the Olympics and his mother (disguised as an East German) giving him a 5.6 or something. “Must have been the dismount.” Timeless…
The office is practically empty this afternoon. It’s sunny out and apparently everyone decided to take vacation time. Must be nice. LoL. I suppose I could just leave too since no one here would care, but I need the money. Missing Monday wasn’t cool. Since I already had 2 fewer days last pay period anyway. Argh! Money sucks. I hope to hear about the financial aid situation soon to see how much money I need to get saved up this summer. I’m hoping $0.00, but I don’t think that’s very realistic. Who knows though? Maybe I’ll get lucky.
I’m doomed to be in puberty for the rest of my life. Seriously. I can’t do anything without hurting myself or getting crap all over myself. Take today, for instance. I have a huge pen mark on my leg where my pen slipped while I was talking to someone. Lovely. And just now, I went to the bubbler (aah! Wisconsinism!) to get some more water in my water bottle and when I took a sip, I dribbled water all down my shirt. Who does things like that? Argh! I got spaghetti sauce all over one of my audit working papers last week. That was fun.
I’ve decided that instead of going on a diet consisting of balanced meals of foods that are good for me, I’m going to live on water and unsalted saltines. And M&M cookies from Copps. (yum.) If this doesn’t not sound like a good idea to you, let me know. ;)
Aaaaah. Headache. Good god. I just looked at the weather channel website and apparently it’s 77 degrees out. Wouldn’t know that from the arctic conditions here in the office. Hmm. Ditching work early is looking even MORE tempting. Decisions, decisions. I always miss out on the good things. That sucks. Everyone else gets to go frolicking around in sunny meadows of flowers with butterflies and rainbows around. They get to eat fresh strawberries and dance with elves. Whereas I’m stuck inside my cube. With a computer. And an adding machine. And a fern (that’s badly in need of water…) And lots and lots of three ring binders.
So it goes.
I spend an awful lot of time complaining, don’t I? No wonder everyone thinks I’m always in a bad mood. I personally see no problem with having such a dreary outlook. What’s wrong with being “ok”? Sure, I’m not “absolutely fantabulously wonderful”, but who wants to be something so gay sounding anyway? I believe I’m constantly misunderstood. But instead of trying to make people understand me (which is basically a waste of time anyway), I just wallow in my self pity. Muhahahahahahahahahahahaha.
I have no self pity, you fools! I’m a perfectly happy person…if you happen to catch me during the 2 or 3 minutes a day when nothing’s going wrong.
It’s so cold in this office. I’m wearing a freakin’ turtleneck and I’m getting goosebumps. My body will probably go into shock when I step outside. Lol. The parking lot is getting progressively emptier. I think I’ll take off when Jane leaves, which is about 10 minutes from now. : ) whoo!

Wednesday April 14, 2004

Aaah. File your taxes! Do it now! Only one day left! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!
Oh wait a minute. That's right. I filed mine February 1st. And I'M NOT A TAX ACCOUNTANT!!!! Although, I did get a 97 on my most recent tax exam. Hmm. Maybe I should reconsider my career path? Ha! Don't think so. My career path will consist of a couch and a tv. Yeah. Couch potato mom Martha. I wish. Someone, knock me up real fast so I don't have to work anymore. Tee hee. Just kidding. I'd go crazy. (Or would that be crazier since we all know I'm clincally insane at this point...) I'm not functioning. Can you tell? I'm not exactly floating around in Marthaland like I was back in January or whenever that was. But I'm not really participating in the "real" world either. At work today, I was zoning out on a regular basis. Joe told me I looked bad (ok, he said "sick"...same thing) and George was concerned that I might not make it in on Friday. Now, I thought I looked WAAAAAY better today than I did either Monday or yesterday, but apparently, either I was wrong, or I looked just hideous the past two days. In either case, it's discomforting.
See, I'm rambling with no purpose. Don't you hate it when people do that? And this stupid daylights saving thing is messing me up. It's 6:30 and it's still light out. It makes me think I have a lot of time left in which to accomplish things, when I really don't. That just sucks. Stupid sun...
That new Britney Spears song is stuck in my head. Almost as bad as when that never ending song was stuck there...although that went on and on...cuz it was the song that never ends...yes, it goes on an on my friend, and we'll be singing it forever cuz it's the song that never ends...

Sunday April 11, 2004

It's amazing how many people actually read this...I only noticed this because a few people mentioned that I hadn't updated it in awhile. Weird. I knew I was interesting, but I didn't know people had nothing better to do than read my messed up thoughts on my messed up life. Speaking of messed up, I'm not sure right now is the best time to be updating this, me being doped up on cold medicine. Yeah. It was 65 degrees on Tuesday and it snowed yesterday and this morning. Go figure. I was going to go grocery shopping and get...well...food, but spending my entire day at K-Mart hauling boxes of socks around and changing watch batteries for little old women while pretending I care about what their husband has done to annoy them is very tiring. Sigh. I should really do some reading for my seminar class or some other homework-ish thing, but I don't think that's going to happen. Staring at my ceiling? Possibly. Curling up in a ball and going to sleep? Maybe. Drinking the rest of my vodka and laying down to a spinning, wonderful, drunken world? Not tonight. Having a tall, dark, handsome man knock on my door, take me in his arms, and do indescribable things to me? HAHAHAHA. Yeah right. Where the hell did THAT come from? I don't even know what I'm talking about now, so I think I'll just quit before I say/write something even stupider than what's already here.