What is my problem?

There’s something about myself I can’t explain. My boss has been gone at the doctor all day today. Pretty much everyone else on my side of the building is out of town at sales meetings or on vacation. In fact the only people anywhere near me are my boss’ boss and the president’s secretary. Everyone else is gone. My back began hurting yesterday morning and continued to do so this morning. I’ve also been sneezing a lot and my nose is running like a faucet. I’m still tired from about a week of sleeping poorly. So why am I still here, sitting at my desk at work? Adam tells me repeatedly, “Just go home and sleep.” I have plenty of vacation left and in all reality, I could probably just pick up and leave (without taking vacation) and no one would care.

So, once again, why am I here? It’s not like there’s any pressing need for me to be here right now. I accomplished the important A/R stuff this morning and what I’ve been doing since then is stuff that is relatively flexible when it comes to completion dates. It’s like the bank thing. Why do I find it so hard to switch banks? There’s no logical explanation. Back to the work thing though – sure, in the past I would have come to work unless I was dying just because if I didn’t show up, I didn’t get paid. That’s not the case here. I would get paid whether I am here or not. It’s a strange situation that I haven’t quite gotten used to. In the 9 months that I’ve been here, I’ve called in sick once. That was due partially to having stayed up late into the night crying and having important conversations with Adam and partially due to the fact that I had a killer migraine (probably caused by the other factor.) I’m not sure it’s a work ethic and since it’s no longer motivated by money, I’m not sure what the problem is. It’s not like if I leave, the whole place will fall apart. There’s no way I make myself out to be that important. It’s not that I fear being fired if I leave every once in a while. The people here are incredibly nice and understanding and appear to bend over backwards to help people out whenever possible.

So, I ask again, what is my problem? I even have problems when I’m requesting vacation days. These are days that are included in my compensation package. If I don’t take them, they vanish at the end of the year and I’m technically working more hours than I need to. Being a salaried employee, the whole idea of a 40 hour work week is kind of a non-issue and I suppose that causes problems too. I work 8 hours each day. Usually I don’t really need to be here for all 8, but I stick around in case something comes up. I guess the whole thing just confuses me. Why do I have such a problem with not going to work for a day or two? After I’ve decided to do it and actually leave or don’t go to work, I seem to be ok with it. It’s just the initial “I’m going home and there’s nothing you can do about it” thing that I can’t seem to get over most of the time. *sigh* It’s annoying.

Because then I end up like I am right now. Sitting here on a Friday afternoon, mostly alone, bored out of my mind, cursing myself for not leaving at noon. And my streaming radio doesn’t work so I’m sitting here in silence, which is even worse.

Wow, I really went off on that, didn’t I? On to more pleasant things…

This weekend should be pretty low-key. There’s nothing much planned. I, of course, have a list of things I’d like to accomplish, but as is always true, that doesn’t mean those things will get done. I’ll be stopping at Shopko on the way home tonight to check out getting a second set of sheets. It never occurred to us that we might want to wash the ones we have sometime…ha ha… I also need to stop at the grocery store to get some more sweet & sour sauce. Sweet & sour chicken just isn’t the same without sweet & sour sauce. It’s kind of just, well, chicken chicken. We slacked off on the gym thing yesterday because of my back so we’re going to definitely go tomorrow morning. Hopefully for longer than a half hour like last week. I got off the treadmill I was on to go talk to Adam who was on a bike behind me and the crazy bitch who had been running next to me hopped off of her treadmill, got on mine, and continued the program I was on. WTF? Perhaps we’ll go late enough that I can try out the step class. We were there too early last week because we wanted to go grocery shopping before Adam had to go to work. Meh. Always so much of that to worry about.

I was informed this afternoon that his parents will be coming for dinner next Saturday. Now that we got a decent looking (i.e. not a cheap Kmart card table) dining room table, it’s ok to have them over to tour our fantabulous apartment. This means I have to do some cleaning. Adam insinuates that his mother is very good at noticing things that any normal person would just skip over. This means I’ll also have to do some hiding of things. Tee hee. As things go now, we’re planning on doing a fondue thing. I’m not completely sure it’s how I would have chosen to spend one of the only Saturdays that Adam has had off since starting at Wal-Mart, but what can you do? It should be interesting.