March 2003

Monday, March 31, 2003:

I'd write something, but I've been so crabby and pissed off that I'd probably better just not write anything. I've had the knack for ticking people off lately.

Thursday, March 27, 2003:

Men. I tell ya. Politicians wonder why people don't respect them. Ok...maybe this would explain it:
Here at UWO, the student is governed by OSA - the Oshkosh Student Association. It's bicameral and all that good shit. Last year, I had the pleasure (ha) of getting messed up with one of the senators. It was not cool. Well, it started out being cool but just turned weird. I still thought it was cool that I could say I'd "slept with a senator." Tee hee.
But then last night, I further lost my faith in government. I met a guy online again. Agreed to meet him. I could sware I knew him, but it wasn't until I saw him that I realized he was also an OSA senator. Now, it's not really my objective to fuck all the senators, but it doesn't appear that that would be too much a challenge. Are they really that desperate? I just think that's pathetic! This is not to mention that the OSA PRESIDENT! got cited for disorderly conduct. Now, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? WAY TO SET AN EXAMPLE BOYS.
And we wonder why democracy doesn't work. If the "leaders" could keep their dicks in their pants and the alcohol out of their body, maybe this country would stand a chance.

Tuesday, March 25, 2003:

Well, I accomplished absolutely nothing during spring break. That figures. Wouldn't want to use my time wisely or anything. So now I get to haul ass to get things done. Too many papers and exams coming up too soon. Argh. Yet I still insist on wasting my time watching the Oscars and Miss USA. Sigh. I'm an idiot.
And you'd better not have just agreed with that last statement. Only Martha can dis Martha. Grrrrr.
Other than my total lack of motivation, not much has happened. I got bills up the wazoo for France and all that jazz. It's so much fun. I also got the news that apparently Oshkosh doesn't value me enough to give me some money to keep me here. The bastards. I get invited to be in the freakin' business honors society but I'm not good enough for scholarship money. What a crock.
Well, I await the next time that I spend time with a certain friend. This time it will involve whipped cream, handcuffs and a blindfold...Call me when you have time for me :-) I still don't understand why guys constantly blow me off for other things. I don't get it. I'm not that scary, am I? What upstanding male (no pun intended) would rather do practically anything than have sex? That's just not right. Where are all the guys without priorities? ARGH!
Sigh...Men...

Thursday, March 20, 2003:

Dammit. Spring Break is almost over and I've accomplished absolutely nothing. That really sucks. So much for using my time wisely...I haven't even slept a lot either. It was sooooo hard to get up and come to work this morning. My alarm went of at 6 and I was like, "Noooooo!" and then I looked out the window and saw the fog. Argh. This weather sucks. Around 10 there was this huge thunderstorm burst. When it rains here, it's freakin' loud. The roof must be metal or something. Plus, all the walls are windows, so it's like being inside a huge carwash. I have this fear of carwashes, so this is not a particularly good thing. Thank goodness my cube doesn't have a window. (I'm a lowly intern - I do not merit such prestige...)
Tomorrow is my other day with nothing to do. I'd better get moving and do some research for my papers. Otherwise bad things will happen later on. Not that they won't anyways...We all know I'm going to sit in bed all day tomorrow watching talk shows and eating Cadbury eggs. I just have to say this - the only good thing about Easter are the Cadbury eggs. I'm an addict. Especially the caramel ones. Yum...They're kind of pricy - around 40 cents a piece, but they're worth it. That and those Reeses peanut butter eggs. I have this weakness for chocolate sometimes. Heh.
I had an interesting week so far...especially yesterday. I'm still not quite sure what that was all about. But it was fun, so I'm just gonna go with it. I spent about 4 hours with my previously estranged friend...sigh. Needless to say, it was lots of fun but I could have had some more. :-) Since then I've been discovering lots of little bruises all over my body. SWEET! You know you've been doing something right (or at least something fun) when you find bruises in weird places. Tee hee. Oh gosh. I should get back to work before my mind goes south and I can't concentrate on anything. Ugh. I think it's too late...

Sunday, March 16, 2003:

Spring Break is here. Yay. Can you feel the excitement radiating from my website? Yeah...Spring Break for me doesn't mean beaches and suntans and anything like that. It means work and writing papers. My life blows. Although I plan to be sleeping a lot in this next week. I'm not working any more than any other week (that is, no extra hours just because I don't have classes) so I will have a lot of free time. :-) Although they say an idle mind is the devil's playground...I guess I should clear out so he can move on in. Tee hee. I'm pretty sure he's already somewhat of a regular there though. Some of my thoughts are so evil...So dirty...They have to have some source...I can't be coming up with them all by myself. No one is that hormonal...I hope.
Speaking of being hormonal, I fully intend to start my new page concerning all the funny, disturbing and just plain interesting experiences I've had in the world of interaction between genders. Mind you, names will not be used and it won't necessarily just be a sex diary. For being such a young thing, I have a lot of weird stories to tell and I think it will be educational for everyone to hear them. Plus I think people enjoy my stories. I'm a fascinating person. :-)
Well, leaving y'all with that cliff-hanger. Check back in a bit to read my expose on my sex life. Yeah...Woo!

Thursday, March 13, 2003:

WOO!
Alrighty. Now that I got that out of the way... Sometimes I wonder if I was dropped on my head as a baby. I mean more than the times I've already been told about. (lol) Sometimes the things I do just don't make any sense. There's no explanation. It just freaks me out. I'm an insanely logical person. Practically a Vulcan. So when even I can't explain why I did something, it's a reason for concern. Lately life has been throwing lots of curveballs at me and I don't know whether I've been making the right "snap decisions." Not that there's much I can do about it at this point. Still, food for thought. Speaking of food. I'm hungry.
I think I'm becoming an alcoholic. Tomorrow will be the 4th weekend in a row that I'll be going out drinking. And I usually end up drinking enough to safely say that I'm trashed. This is particularly disturbing because I'm almost always driving...oops, my bad. It's just really difficult when no one else has a car or gas in their car. Hopefully tomorrow I can get someone else to drive. The one really great thing about being a female alcoholic is that it's not expensive. I can go out and not spend a dime and still get completely plastered. I suppose it is slightly shameless to sweet talk old, lonely, drunk men in order for them to buy you a drink. But if they didn't want to be scammed, they shouldn't go to the bars. ;-) I'm having way too much fun misusing my feminine charm. Tee hee. I love it!

Tuesday, March 11, 2003:

I think I got a papercut on my tongue...Cuz it hurts...a lot...dammit. I hate that. I'm so tired. So very tired. Even though I went to bed at 9 on Sunday night and last night I was out by 10:30, I'm still VERY tired. Grrrr. That sucks because right now I really need a lot of motivation to get moving. It is definately not the time to slack off. Yawn. But it's just so much easier to come home and lay down. Homework blows. But I gotta do it. I've just been so worn down lately. Emotionally and now physically. Needless to say, this past weekend didn't exactly help alleviate any of that stress I've been having. Fortunately I don't think it made it worse though. Just about the same, although the sources of stress are all different. Sigh. My life - what a drama.

Monday, March 10, 2003:

Ugh. What a mess. I'm not even going to attempt to bring y'all up to speed on what has been happening in the last week. Sigh. My life is a fucking soap opera...but I don't get paid enough to be in it. So it goes I guess. Spring Break is next week and I'm totally looking forward to it. I need a vacation. Granted, this definately won't be a vacation per se, but it'll be close enough. I have no intention of working any more than I normally do, which will give me lots of time to SLEEP!!!!! Sleep is good. I think I'll get to that right now actually. Another thing that's really good is Tylenol PM. I'm their perfect spokesperson. And it's not addictive or anything. Yeah...I can fall asleep without it...

Tuesday, March 4, 2003:

I think it's really sad when you get so tired of someone that you just don't care anymore. They may have been someone who was very important and had become someone special in your life. Unfortunately they either didn't realize this or they just didn't care. Most people are incredibly selfish. They don't realize that other people have problems too. They're not the only ones who have crappy lives. Other people work, go to school and have kids. That's no excuse for treating me like crap. I don't appreciate it and I think I've taken it for far too long as it is. When I express that I need to have a talk and you give me a time in which to do it, I expect you to actually stick to that and show up. This kind of thing is very important to me and if you don't see that, then you're not worth the breath required to talk to you anyway. I deserve a hell of a lot better. I know that I was probably just seen as a few body parts that guys seem to like. But that's not what I saw. If this is all due to a misunderstanding of expections, that just sucks. If I wanted a "friends with benefits" type relationship, I wouldn't have sat there and listened to your bullshit or slept at your house or a lot of other things. If all I wanted was sex, I would have come over, had my way with you and left. It should have been obvious that since I didn't have sex with you every time I was there, that's not what I was after. And although you claim to be my friend, it seems like right now, that was all you were after. And don't give me that bull about how you didn't always get yours and I got mine. That was not my fault. It was generally your idea and you claimed to like it. I refuse to take the blame for any more of your ridiculous complaints. I've had enough. Now I understand why you couldn't stay married. I even understand why one of your exes is now a lesbian. You don't treat the women in your life with much consideration. You may think you're a god because you can get them off. You don't realize that what's important to women is not what happens in the bedroom. It's practically impossible to sleep with someone (and ONLY THAT ONE PERSON) for more than 9 months and not have some kind of emotional attachment to them. That's just the way the human body works. I can't help it if my body dictates what I feel sometimes. I tried so hard not to get too into this because I knew that eventually this would happen. It's happened before. This is why I have such major trust issues. I keep getting sucked into shit like this and it always blows up in my face. I'd like to say that I'm going to give up on guys for awhile. I'm emotionally drained. In the recent past I've had a lot of really mean things said to me. And I'm sure he didn't even notice he was hurting me by saying them. He had a habit of talking out of his ass and I had to try and weed out what he really meant and what he was bullshitting. After a while, it's hard to tell if he really means what he says. It's hard enough for me to trust anyone in the first place. But when I do, it's even worse when I find out they were lying to me. That breaks down the entire concept of trust.
I'm just tired. John, you fucked up, I'm sure you'll never read this, I'm sure you'll never call me or even attempt to get in touch because you just don't care and you don't understand. You had been someone who was very important in my life, but I just can't deal with your bullshit anymore. Woe to the next unsuspecting woman who falls prey to your slick pick up lines. Good bye...

Monday, March 3, 2003:

Hell week has begun. I have 5 exams this week. Yeah, that's right. 5. That really sucks. And I've just lost my motivation. Sigh. How many more weeks are left? I need a vacation. Between classes and the pile of shit my life has become, it's not too fun for me right now. Hopefully things will get better soon. I don't need so much crap all at once. There's only so much one can take. So far I've been pretty lucky because whenever it threatens to overwhelm me, someone has been there to pull me back up. Eventually there won't be someone there though. Just a warning to all of you. Just so there are no surprises when that happens. You have been warned. I know none of you care enough for it to make any difference, but I felt like saying that anyway.

Saturday, March 1, 2003:

Ugh. Too much alcohol! It's kind of nice being older than most my friends because I get to go and celebrate the birthday thing lots of times. But it also means I get trashed too often. Heh. And I'm always the driver. Not cool. But I'm still alive, so it's ok.
Men suck even more, if that's possible. I'm ready to just give up again. One would rather clean his house than hang with me for a bit. The other just "didn't want to" go anywhere. Pfft. Lameasses. Who needs 'em? Of course, then there's the other one who unfortunately had to work last night. Oh, the things I would have done to him if he'd come up here. Oooh! Let me know when you have off, and I'll so be there... :-) I'm just tired of all the bullshit. I really don't think it should be so hard to find a decent guy. I'm not that fat and scary looking. It's completely unfair that I'm doomed to be alone forever. Grrrr.