April 2003

Tuesday, April 29, 2003:

Argh. I want the semester to be over. I want my college education to be complete. I want to be able to retire already and just sit and lounge. That would be so nice. Unfortunately, that's not likely to happen any time in the near future. Grrr. I've had a few depressing days all in a row so I'm not feeling too great about myself right now. All these guys I chat with online tell me I'm hot. You don't think I can see right through your ploy to try and get me in bed? Sad boys...so sad. I've been up and down THAT block. I'm the master of being used. And that's a bad thing.
I'm well aware that there are plenty of girls out there that are better looking then me. Granted, most the guys I chat with would never have a chance in hell of getting anywhere with them. So, it's Martha who is hot now...because she might be desperate enough to give in to you. Not. Dream on. There are a lot of reasons why I won't be screwing half the population of the Fox Valley. One happens to be self-respect. Why don't you go and find some of that?
I've been having weird cravings lately. I can't seem to get enough pickles either. I've gone through 2 big-ass jars of those whole dill ones in about a week. AAAAHHHHH. My room permanently smells like pickles because I spilt some of the juice on my carpet. Kinda nasty sometimes. Makes ya wonder.
Or not.
I don't care.
Ever notice that sometimes, the harder you try to get rid of someone, the more they cling? Admittedly, I haven't been in the best mood for quite a while. So maybe they don't notice me being bitchy. In any case, it's really annoying. I don't want to come out and say "You're a loser and you bore me to death. Go away please." That's mean. A little harsher then I'd want to be. Even if it's the complete and udder truth. Sometimes things need to be sugar-coated. Like M&Ms. Yum...chocolate. Damn you hormones!!!

Monday, April 21, 2003:

Argh and a half. The semester is over in four weeks. Woo! I make my final payment for France on Wednesday. Yay! Everything's going so well!.
Ok. Enough exclamation points. I was starting to scare myself. I got myself a digital camera on Friday. Although now I'll have no excuse for not having recent pictures. I may have shot myself in the foot with that one. :-) I plan to use it while in France and have updated pics of my time there on this website. If things go as planned that is. I'm hoping they'll have some kind of software there (although I'll take my CD-rom with me in case they'll let me install it there.) It'll be so cool. Kind of like a live, up-to-date trip album. :-) It will be like you're all there with me. LoL. Unless I find something (or someONE har har) better to do than upload pictures. Although if I don't get memory cards, I'll have to unload at sometime.
Yawn. So tired. Our general ledger system at work has been down for almost a week now. I'd really rather sleep in tomorrow and work on my papers, but I suppose I'll get up and drive to Appleton and do busy work for a few more hours. Sigh. It's kind of annoying, but it really shows you how much we depend on computers and technology of that sort. Same thing happened when the power went out. There's not much to do without the computer and network.
I think I may have done something stupid. And for those of you who just said "So what else is new?" this is something more stupid then usual. I'll keep you posted on the status of my stupidity (that is, whether what I think may have happened actually does.) Life is always boring but never dull.

Monday, April 14, 2003:

No time for hate mail, yet you had time to send a worthless e-mail that basically said nothing? Hrmmm. Interesting. And with that, I will get on to more important things.
We're at 24 days and counting. Woo! This semester has flown by. It's great. Soon July will come and I'll so be outta here! It's going to be soooo hard to come back here after being in France for 5 weeks. It will be traumatic. Which is why I'm taking a week off of work after I get back. Jet lag and all. I'm sure I won't want to adjust...it was bad enough 5 years ago. This time it will be much worse since my opinions of the United States and all it seems to stand for these days have just gotten worse in that time. Sigh. I still think I should just accidentally lose my passport and hide out in France for the rest of my life.
Well I have an exam to take so this entry has to be short. Y'all could wish me luck, but I don't really need it. ;-P How's that for being stuck up?

Thursday, April 10, 2003:

Well, now that the month is almost half over, I've finally gotten around to moving March to the archives and getting April in gear. Argh. The semester is over in about 5 weeks. That's frightening. Mind you, this is because I have too much shit to do in those 5 weeks, not because it's scary that classes will be over soon. Presentations, papers, exams. The fun never ends. Once again though, I must say that compared to last semester, this semester has been a breeze. This is true for a few different reasons...I'll never forget. It's always in my mind no matter what I'm doing. It's annoying. But I suppose it's a good thing. Add it to my list of psychoses that I have.
I've finally become annoyed with all the junk mail that's being sent to my e-mail account under my father's name. I have no clue why, but I keep getting all these "Alan, Finance your mortgage at the lowest rate ever" and "Lower your debt, Alan" e-mails. I'm not sure if at one time he used my e-mail address for something (I can't imagine why he would have) or what happened there. It's just annoying as hell.
I think I may have finally gotten over my "perpetually pissed off for a month" kick. That was kinda horrible. I (half-heartedly) apologize to anyone I might have offended while I was in my crabby state. This past weekend helped me mellow out. Had the whole weekend off, went out Saturday for a friend's 21st. It was all good. I still didn't sleep enough though. Damn the late night sitcoms!
Now that I'm no longer crabby, I think now I'm overly paranoid. I always feel that someone is watching me or judging me. I also have this weird feeling about some people I talk to online. Hmmm. Maybe it's just my normal paranoia, or maybe not. Usually I always think everyone is staring at me. Not out of vanity. Trust me, I'm not vain. I have severe self-esteem and self-image issues too. I just always think that people in cars driving down the road are staring at me if I'm walking on the sidewalk there. I've got some documented cases where I swear the driver's head turned all the way around as their car passed me. I WASN'T JUST IMAGINING IT! I SWEAR! I just don't really trust anyone right now. I get the feeling someone is playing me. I don't even know why. Let's hope the female intuition is way off here.
And just to piss him off, I will refuse to say anything at all about what happened with David on this website. We'll see if he is continuing to read this...send me some nasty hate mail or an e-mail bomb if you are...