May 2004

Friday, May 28, 2004

Yeah, so my roommate didn't pay her part of the cable bill for a few months so now there is no cable or internet at home. I'll still be able to check my e-mail at work during the week, but no more messenger. That means you people will have to keep in touch with me either by e-mail or by calling me. I expect to have a pretty boring summer, but I'd be ok if someone wanted to try and change that. :) Keep in touch. I'll try and update this on campus every once in awhile.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Good Things:
1) I got my car back on Friday. Well, at 7 PM. Drove it straight home, and when I went to drive to K-Mart Saturday morning (hey, it was raining), the coolant light turned on. So I had to take it BACK on Monday morning and have them fill it up. Morons. Anywho, it seems to be working thus far. Granted, it’s only been 3 days.
2) …
Hmm, actually that seems like the only good thing. Even that is probably a temporary good thing too. Man, life sucks.
Bad Things:
1) When I got my car back, the garage had apparently fucked up my front bumper thingy. Wonderful. So I had to pull off College Ave on the way home from work to rip part of it off cuz it was hitting my tire, making an awful noise, and throwing off my steering. Thanks guys…
2) My body is rebelling. Perhaps it’s the bad eating I’ve been doing lately. When you’re trying to eat whatever is in the house, it doesn’t tend to be overly healthy. So my stomach has not been happy. I also am having back problems again. Damn stress.
3) This afternoon, on my way out the door to work I fell flat on my face. That sucked. I have a huge gash on my elbow and I ripped the knee of my pants. Woo…Let’s hear it for the clutz!
4) I have no money. No really, I’m not lying this time. I still owe the mechanics about $300 and since I missed so many hours up at Presto in the last month, my next paycheck is going to be anything but impressive. It’s depressing. But hopefully I’ll be able to start saving something eventually. After I pay my mom back…after I pay for the stupid trip I took to France…after I pay for my car…ya know, in about 3 years. Sigh.
I have broken down and I’ve decided I’m going to stop and get some groceries on the way home. Screw car insurance and electricity…I need food dammit. LoL. BTW, I’m taking donations. Heh. Also, if any of you know a place where they buy CDs, let me know. I’m looking to sell a ton of mine. List of them is under media-music. Or if you’re interested in buying them, let me know. Thanks.

Friday, May 21, 2004

Still no car.
I got the financial aid reward letter today. Well, I went to my PO Box and it was there at least. The University was wise. I never take the loans, but with just the grants, my tuition and books will be paid for, plus a little extra just for the hell of it. Now, that's better.
On another note, grades have been posted. My diminishing interest in learning is apparent. 2 Bs. Argh. I was actually expecting something less in the Seminar class, but I'm ok with a B. LoL. The other B was Auditing. That was just a pretty gay class in the first place. But, what can you do. One more hideously boring semester of no worth to go! Woo!
That is all.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

I STILL have no car. The mechanics have had my car for almost 2 weeks. Tomorrow, it will be have ONE MONTH since I had a car. Highly unimpressive. I will have my car back tomorrow. Even if I have to kill one or more people to get it. Enough is enough. Thanks a ton Steve. Maybe when I want a good doctor, I'll ask you for a recommendation so I can know where NOT to go. Pfft.
This week has been dreadfully boring. I've gone to class, gone to work, come home, and done nothing all night. Each night. And each night I've had my yahoo messenger status saying "Who wants to make out with me?" and each night, I get nothing. Kind of depressing once again. And if these stupid ppl somewhere don't quit banging on whatever it is they're banging on, I'm gonna go psycho on their asses. It's really getting annoying. Everything has just been getting on my nerves lately. And if one more stupid ass soldier IMs me, I'm gonna go crazy.
Grrr. I'm damn crabby. And I'm tired. I'm always tired. I think I'm sleeping too much again. But when there's nothing better to do...

Sunday, May 16, 2004

I still don't have a car. Yep, that's right. A week AFTER I took it to the shop and I STILL don't have it back. Needless to say, I'm less than impressed with the service I've gotten through Ed's. Don't go there people. They're just wasting my time. They can't figure out what's wrong with it. Isn't that their JOB? I'm completely pissed off and I'll be going there tomorrow to get my car back whether it's fixed or not. I don't want them fucking around with it anymore.
So, I have been without a car for damn near a month now. That's right. A month. This is just ridiculous. I haven't figured out what I'm going to do quite yet and I really don't want to think about it. I wonder sometimes how I can get out of bed in the morning. It's been getting harder, let me tell you. Between the car issue, the money issues, the "guys are fucking assholes" issues and all the other normal life shit, it's been all I can do to not jump off a really high building.
Once again, last night I had a Plan A and a Plan B. Neither panned out. And people wonder why I don't plan thing. Well, there ya go! BECAUSE THEY NEVER WORK OUT YOU DUMBASS! I'm just fed up with people in general and wish everyone would go burn in hell. I don't care what the reasons were. I really don't care why these things happen. I just need to stock up on heavy-duty sleeping pills so they're around when I need them. And don't say you'd notice if I suddenly fell off the face of the earth. You'd get over it.
I realize I'm of very little importance to practically everyone. It's startlingly clear with what's been happening in my life lately. I'm only worth anything when a guy wants a piece of ass or someone to listen to all their problems. I am just generally ignored when it's me who has issues. I find that slightly unfair, but then again, when has life EVER been fair? I just get tired of it. life's not worth all this effort when I get nothing out of it.
I mean I'm only 22. I'm in college. I should be having fun. Instead I spend most of my time alone in my room, trying to distract myself from the depressing blackhole called my life. I self-destructively watch The Learning Channel's "A Wedding Story" and "A Baby Story" knowing damn well that the likelihood of my doing either of those things is very slim. It's just highly depressing. I used to think this manic-depressive thing was a seasonal phenomenon. It usually happened around September. But now it just seems to be a regular thing. Nothing has really been going on to make me bounce back to the happy side of things. Just a whole lot of shit pulling me further down into the sad side.
I don't expect anyone to understand. But it would be nice if people acknowledged it/me every once in a while. I don't like the way I live. At this point, I just don't care enough to do anything about it. As I'm sure I've said before, since I can't even see myself in 10 years, why bother planning for a future I'd rather not have to have? Up to this point, there have been things to work toward. Graduating from high school. Turning 21 (which, by the way, was totally not worth the effort). I suppose now I'm working toward graduating from college, even though I doubt that will be worth all the effort either. After that, I'm not sure what there is to work for. Another who knows how many years of endless torture? No thanks. I'd rather just take the fast train to hell.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Happy people suck.

Saturday, May 8, 2004

So, not only do you stand me up a few years back for my dad's wedding, but now you do it again at the time where you're supposed to redeem yourself and make me understand why you do what you do? Ok then. Whatever.
I don't need that. I have John to torture me with indifference and ignoring me. And at least I get something out of him every once in a while. Something damn good...
Enough about that.
Yawn. I'm so bored and I have nothing to do. I'm sure I'll go to bed soon. Sleeping makes me not have to find something to do. My life is so not worth living most the time. Kinda depressing.

Thursday, May 6, 2004

So I got my car checked out today. It was the head gasket. And it will only cost me $991.61 to get it fixed...good thing I have that money tree out back. Oh wait...shit...
Sometimes prostitution doesn't seem like such a bad career choice...Sigh. Anywho, I'm not sure whether it's just the unnessarily high amount of stress in my life lately or what, but I've been drinking an awful lot lately. I'm not sure that's a good thing. I'm thinking "no", but what do I know. I'll just go with it and try to not get alcohol poisoning. Or not. Whatever.
So, the semester is over in a week. Yay, woo, hurrah, blah, blah, blah. All I have left are exams, so it's not too big a thing. Hello apathy. And it's just going to get worse.
One last thing...I swear the cute mechanic guy was hitting on me. Sweet... :D

Monday, May 3, 2004

So, I had my 3-year review at K-mart this past weekend. At 7:30 in the morning. Nice…Just the way I like to start my day. Ha. Considering I’d had 3 different managers since my last review, not to mention quite a period of time when I had no manager at all, I found the whole idea of someone evaluating my past year’s worth of work slightly amusing. But whatever. Once again, the places they suggested I “needed improvement” were things that either I really didn’t have any control over or things that didn’t affect me anyway. I think I was back in the fixtures area once or twice in the past year, so how can it be my fault it’s trashed? Anyway, I guess they have to come up with something. At least they didn’t tell me to go through register training this time. (Yes…last year my manager wrote that I needed to go through register training so I could help out at the checkouts when needed. Apparently she wasn’t aware that I had worked the registers for nine months at the Sheboygan store and almost that long up here in Oshkosh…hmmm.) And I didn’t get slammed for being rude to customers this time. Funny, since I’m pretty sure I was a lot less friendly during this past year. Oh well. What they don’t see, they can’t judge me on, right?
And, being the totally cool person that I am, I got an “exceeds expectations” rating. Woo. I also got a whole 28¢ raise! Whoa…granted, that IS a 4% raise, but that should tell you what they’ve been paying me thus far…What WILL I do with all that extra cash?
They just hired a couple new people in the softlines area. It is my plan to make them my slaves. It’s easy to do that when they’re little high school girls. The problem comes when they’re old ladies or snotty bitchy girls. So far, the one I’ve met seems acceptable. I won’t start my attempts to make her quit yet. I’ll give it some time. Heh.
My car is still out of commission. I hope to take it to the garage place tomorrow afternoon. It’s rough not having a car. But I discovered that not being able to go anywhere makes you spend less money. Which is cool. Although, maybe it’s just the fact that I have no money that is making me spend less…hmmm…didn’t think about that before. I really need to go pick up my mail, but I’m kind of afraid of all the bills I know will be lurking there for me. Argh. Luckily, the semester will be over soon and I’ll be making more money. Hopefully my financial aid reward letter will also be lurking in the pile of bills so I can see how much money I’ll need for tuition and all that. It had better be $0. Otherwise I’m going to go to the Financial Aid office and wreak havoc. I’ll come up with some crazy revenge plan. It’ll be a good one.
I’m nuts enough to do it. Trust me.
Ok, so it’s May. Why the heck is it 25º out? Grrrr. Wisconsin sucks. My fingers are completely frozen here in this office. It’s not too cold in here today, but my fingers are icy cold. Maybe I’ll find some poor, unsuspecting guy and grab him by the back of the neck. Heh heh. That could be fun. I’m in a “torture those around me” kind of mood today. Maybe it’s hormonal. Or maybe it’s just me embracing the maniac side of me. I think it’s rather apparent by this time that I’m completely insane. I just pretend to be normal on occasion so people don’t throw me in a padded room. What’s the fun of running into walls if you don’t get all nice and bruised up doing it? Bleeding is fun.
**maniacal laughter**