Friday April 30, 2004
Jason, have you seen anything about you on this site? Anything that specifically talks about you? I didn’t think so. Why would I write anything about someone who I know for a fact looks at this all the time? Think about it.
Well that’s enough of that.
So, this week has been pretty awful. I’m going to get gray hair pretty soon. Or become an alcoholic. Or something of that nature. I don’t plan to sleep much this weekend, what with a 15 page “thesis”, a 10 page HR paper, an audit case study, and a group discussion project all due Monday or Tuesday. Of course, I haven’t even started writing either of the papers yet. And since I’ve lost all my motivation for the Monday night class (not that I had any in the first place), I can’t say I’m going to put much effort into the group discussion project. So it goes.
My interim class starts May 17. I have a $50 textbook to buy. Well, that’s not going to happen… Religions of America. I figure with my messed up background, I could probably TEACH the class. Needless to say, I’m not exactly jumping up and down about that one…I’ve just gotten very tired of it all. Not just school. Not just work. Everything. I want to shut myself in a dark room for a few days. But, as that doesn’t seem very practical, I guess I’ll continue to suffer through my life. For the love of…this is taking too long to freakin’ download. Wtf…The stupid line isn’t even MOVING anymore. Grrrrrrrrr. Oracle sucks.
I’m tired. Yawn. And I get to do homework all weekend long. Lucky me. I think there’s going to be some drinking involved with my studying though, so my papers might end up making no sense. Tee hee.
It’s looking really crappy outside. Raining and really blah. Yesterday and Wednesday were nice. Kinda windy, but nice and warm and sunny.
Monday April 26, 2004
Geesh. This weekend, I can’t get anyone to give me the time of day to fix my car for this morning. Yet, two people have called me today. Wonderful. Hopefully by tomorrow night, my car will be fixed… or torn apart…really hoping it’s not that second option. Argh.
This weekend at work was weird. It was my weekend to do the audit and stuff like that. I mean, I know I’ve been working there forever (it seems) but sometimes I wonder how other people can work there. How stupid can they be? Why haven’t they been fired? We don’t need ditzy blondes who sit behind the jewelry counter doing god knows what for 4 hours. That doesn’t help anyone. Especially when they ignore the freight that needs to be put out and they don’t set any ads or even open the register! I mean, come on now. It doesn’t take a genius, but some things should be common sense. I didn’t notice she hadn’t opened the register at jewelry until almost 1 pm…That’s pathetic. (Although I must note that it’s also kind of pathetic that there were no jewelry sales that whole time.) Sigh. And I get to “work” with her again next Saturday. Woo…not.
Hopefully she leaves to go home for the summer. Heh…
I’m so unfriendly. There were so many stupid/crabby customers this weekend. It was wearing off onto the employees too. Although I’m always crabby and unfriendly anyway. It seems that I have a talent to be all nice and civil to customers. It’s creepy. I’ve covered service desk for breaks and stuff lately and man, people complain a lot. And return the stupidest things. I mean, if you buy the wrong kind of pens, just freakin’ use them anyway. Is it really worth the extra trip to K-Mart to return pens that you bought for $2.49? And for the love of god, do your own shopping people! Don’t call me up and ask me to check if we have everything on your list. Geesh! People are damn lazy…Don’t even want to walk back to layaway for the bathrooms. Why aren’t the ones in the restaurant open…wah, wah, wah. It’s probably 200 feet more to the bathrooms by layaway than to the ones in the old LC…but you should HEAR the old ladies complain. Man…
My back is still killing me. I can’t even stand up straight when I get out of my chair. I feel like such a dork. Mmmm. Teddy Grahams. I’ve been on a chocolate kick lately. Not good, since it’s totally violating my diet. But I figure since I have no money, soon enough I’ll be not eating at all so therefore I have a little leeway right now, calorie-wise. Fuzzy logic. It’s a great thing. Grrr. It’s cold in here. I really need to do my laundry, but I’ve been lacking inspiration to haul shit up and down stairs, since I can barely get MYSELF there…sigh sigh sigh.
Friday April 23, 2004
First of all, let me say "I hate cars." I'm supposed to be at work right now, but instead I'm sitting here at home. And I actually want to be at work today. I was on the highway for about 2 minutes when I noticed my engine temp had shot waaaaay up. I freaked, of course, and came back home. Apparently there's a leak in my coolant or some such thing. Grrrr. I'm not supposed to drive it, so that means I can't go to work. I'm losing so much money! Waaaaaah!
Anyways, this once again gives me too much time alone doing nothing. I created that food gallery picture page I was talking about before. I plan to do some more cooking today (since I've got nothing better to do) so maybe I'll have more pics there soon. I'm so bored.
I've really got nothing else to say right now. I suppose I could do homework too...since I've found myself with all this free time.
Wednesday April 21, 2004
I have come to the realization that I'm a very difficult person to deal with. (No comments please.) I was thinking about my thoughts on a potential mate. I have an entire page dedicated to this concept. I basically say I need a lot of attention, so I'm looking for someone who can give me this attention. But, I think I also say I don't want a guy who will smother me. This seems contradictory. I mean, how can a guy give me lots of attention without running the risk of smothering me? I suppose if I liked the guy enough, an excess amount of attention wouldn't be "smothering." I think "smothering" carries a negative "annoyance factor" with it. If I want to be around the person just as much as they want to be around me, there isn't an issue of who's smothering whom. On the other hand, if the guy is someone I'm not too fond of in the first place and they just don't seem to be getting the idea, then the thought of spending way too much time with him is not too great. That's where the smothering thing comes in. I was just thinking about that earlier and I decided to clear that up.
I was also thinking about my future lately. That's something I generally try not to do. It's depressing. Sometimes, when I get drunk, I think about it too much and realize I can't even see myself in 5 years. I have no idea what I want to be doing. Sure, I have my unrealistic dream of being marrying to a rich guy and sitting home cooking and living in luxury. But I'm pretty sure we all know that's not going to happen. So, in reality, I don't know where I will be. I don't know where I WANT to be. That's why I try not to think about it too much. It's not that I prefer to "live for today" or whatever. Cuz "today" sucks ass. It's just that as a chronic pessimist, the future ain't so bright...I've said many times, I'm tired of working. I'm only 22 and already I'm sick of getting up and going to work for 8+ hours practically every day. It's not the job that's the problem. I (generally) like both my jobs. It's just the never having a break from it thing. Sometimes I'd like to have a few days in a row where I have absolutely nothing to do. That hasn't happened for a long time. And even the one here and there thing has been rare. I'm hoping that I'll get some sweet-ass financial aid for the next semester so I can work like I am now and perhaps have something to show for it. That would be a change. It's like I can never get ahead. The last time I had a little bit built up, that stupid rabbit decided to attack my car. Grrrrr. In this area, I think I deserve to be able to complain a little. Sure, I live by myself, have a car, blah, blah, blah, your education will pay it back in the end, starving people in Africa, ...I don't see how it's comparable. I work my ass off for basically nothing. It pisses me off sometimes. And I reserve the right to complain about it forever and ever. And there's nothing you can do about it.
So there. :P
I can't wait for the semester to be over with. I have a lot left to do, being the procrastinator that I am. Even having only 4 classes, it's been a busy semester. Interesting for the most part. But don't even get me started on the Honors Seminar I've been forced to sit through. Not the best experience with the Honors Program...But, hey, I'll get a medallion or something when I graduate (on December 18 *ahem*.) Woo! Go me! Sigh...
Ever get the feeling your world is crashing down around you? Well, that seems to happen to me a lot. Lately, it's been a "semi-crashing down" feeling. Some parts are going pretty well. Others, not so hot. I rarely have the feeling that everything in my life is a-ok all at the same time. I think there's some physics law of equilibrium or something out there that states that at no time can all parts of my life be satisfactory. Why did I choose physics? Cuz I don't like physics...plus, it sounded all smart and inventive and stuff. And I'm educated and intelligent like that. While I think there's nothing wrong with shameless self promotion every once in a while (and we all know I do my fair share of it), it can get to be a little much sometimes. Yeah, everyone thinks they're god's gift (unless they're depressed or something...) but it's not necessary to share that with everyone you meet everytime you meet them. An attractive personal characteristic out there is humility. No one likes a guy with an ego the size of Texas. Speaking of Texas, I still can't believe some of the things the Texans say without even thinking about how they are heard by northern non-bigots.
Anywho...I think that's probably enough of my musings for right now.
Tuesday April 20, 2004
I have found a woman after my own heart. Granted, she's English. But I can overlook that. She has written a book called "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation. Here's an excerpt. Anyone who has the pleasure (?) of knowing me and also having a hard time using the English language properly will see the appeal of this woman. She's hilarious.
Friday April 16, 2004
I had the weirdest dream last night. Ok, maybe not the weirdest (I’ve had some WEIRD dreams), but definitely interesting. I don’t remember all of it at this point, but it involved France, my sister and me smoking pot, me EATING pot (and it tasted like apples for some reason), Justin, my former orchestra teacher as a hooker, some really hot guy, a huge RV type thing where I lived which somehow turned into a stadium seating movie theatre, a quaint hotel room that was right next to a gigantic fountain that kept spraying water into the window and soaking my stuff. And I was mad because I knew I’d never be able to sleep with the roar of the fountain right next to my room. I don’t know what the heck it meant. But it kept me entertained during the night, that’s for sure. I should keep a dream journal or something. I haven’t had any dreams that I’ve remembered for a while. Perhaps I remembered this one because we were watching When Harry Met Sally last night and my favorite part of the movie is when Harry describes his dream about having sex in the Olympics and his mother (disguised as an East German) giving him a 5.6 or something. “Must have been the dismount.” Timeless…
The office is practically empty this afternoon. It’s sunny out and apparently everyone decided to take vacation time. Must be nice. LoL. I suppose I could just leave too since no one here would care, but I need the money. Missing Monday wasn’t cool. Since I already had 2 fewer days last pay period anyway. Argh! Money sucks. I hope to hear about the financial aid situation soon to see how much money I need to get saved up this summer. I’m hoping $0.00, but I don’t think that’s very realistic. Who knows though? Maybe I’ll get lucky.
I’m doomed to be in puberty for the rest of my life. Seriously. I can’t do anything without hurting myself or getting crap all over myself. Take today, for instance. I have a huge pen mark on my leg where my pen slipped while I was talking to someone. Lovely. And just now, I went to the bubbler (aah! Wisconsinism!) to get some more water in my water bottle and when I took a sip, I dribbled water all down my shirt. Who does things like that? Argh! I got spaghetti sauce all over one of my audit working papers last week. That was fun.
I’ve decided that instead of going on a diet consisting of balanced meals of foods that are good for me, I’m going to live on water and unsalted saltines. And M&M cookies from Copps. (yum.) If this doesn’t not sound like a good idea to you, let me know. ;)
Aaaaah. Headache. Good god. I just looked at the weather channel website and apparently it’s 77 degrees out. Wouldn’t know that from the arctic conditions here in the office. Hmm. Ditching work early is looking even MORE tempting. Decisions, decisions. I always miss out on the good things. That sucks. Everyone else gets to go frolicking around in sunny meadows of flowers with butterflies and rainbows around. They get to eat fresh strawberries and dance with elves. Whereas I’m stuck inside my cube. With a computer. And an adding machine. And a fern (that’s badly in need of water…) And lots and lots of three ring binders.
So it goes.
I spend an awful lot of time complaining, don’t I? No wonder everyone thinks I’m always in a bad mood. I personally see no problem with having such a dreary outlook. What’s wrong with being “ok”? Sure, I’m not “absolutely fantabulously wonderful”, but who wants to be something so gay sounding anyway? I believe I’m constantly misunderstood. But instead of trying to make people understand me (which is basically a waste of time anyway), I just wallow in my self pity. Muhahahahahahahahahahahaha.
I have no self pity, you fools! I’m a perfectly happy person…if you happen to catch me during the 2 or 3 minutes a day when nothing’s going wrong.
It’s so cold in this office. I’m wearing a freakin’ turtleneck and I’m getting goosebumps. My body will probably go into shock when I step outside. Lol. The parking lot is getting progressively emptier. I think I’ll take off when Jane leaves, which is about 10 minutes from now. : ) whoo!
Wednesday April 14, 2004
Aaah. File your taxes! Do it now! Only one day left! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!
Oh wait a minute. That's right. I filed mine February 1st. And I'M NOT A TAX ACCOUNTANT!!!! Although, I did get a 97 on my most recent tax exam. Hmm. Maybe I should reconsider my career path? Ha! Don't think so. My career path will consist of a couch and a tv. Yeah. Couch potato mom Martha. I wish. Someone, knock me up real fast so I don't have to work anymore. Tee hee. Just kidding. I'd go crazy. (Or would that be crazier since we all know I'm clincally insane at this point...) I'm not functioning. Can you tell? I'm not exactly floating around in Marthaland like I was back in January or whenever that was. But I'm not really participating in the "real" world either. At work today, I was zoning out on a regular basis. Joe told me I looked bad (ok, he said "sick"...same thing) and George was concerned that I might not make it in on Friday. Now, I thought I looked WAAAAAY better today than I did either Monday or yesterday, but apparently, either I was wrong, or I looked just hideous the past two days. In either case, it's discomforting.
See, I'm rambling with no purpose. Don't you hate it when people do that? And this stupid daylights saving thing is messing me up. It's 6:30 and it's still light out. It makes me think I have a lot of time left in which to accomplish things, when I really don't. That just sucks. Stupid sun...
That new Britney Spears song is stuck in my head. Almost as bad as when that never ending song was stuck there...although that went on and on...cuz it was the song that never ends...yes, it goes on an on my friend, and we'll be singing it forever cuz it's the song that never ends...
Sunday April 11, 2004
It's amazing how many people actually read this...I only noticed this because a few people mentioned that I hadn't updated it in awhile. Weird. I knew I was interesting, but I didn't know people had nothing better to do than read my messed up thoughts on my messed up life. Speaking of messed up, I'm not sure right now is the best time to be updating this, me being doped up on cold medicine. Yeah. It was 65 degrees on Tuesday and it snowed yesterday and this morning. Go figure. I was going to go grocery shopping and get...well...food, but spending my entire day at K-Mart hauling boxes of socks around and changing watch batteries for little old women while pretending I care about what their husband has done to annoy them is very tiring. Sigh. I should really do some reading for my seminar class or some other homework-ish thing, but I don't think that's going to happen. Staring at my ceiling? Possibly. Curling up in a ball and going to sleep? Maybe. Drinking the rest of my vodka and laying down to a spinning, wonderful, drunken world? Not tonight. Having a tall, dark, handsome man knock on my door, take me in his arms, and do indescribable things to me? HAHAHAHA. Yeah right. Where the hell did THAT come from? I don't even know what I'm talking about now, so I think I'll just quit before I say/write something even stupider than what's already here.
Monday, April 05, 2004
Friday, March 05, 2004
March 2004
Monday March 22, 2004
What is it about that Linkin Park song, Numb, that I like so much? Is it their screaming-like singing? Is it the rebel lyrics and attitude? Is it the weird background stuff? Maybe it's just the fact that the singer is cute. Although one can't really tell that from listening to the song. Friday March 19, 2004
Seriously, men, what is up with you lately? The past few days, I just can’t seem to escape outrageously annoying situations. I bring you to Tuesday evening. I invited someone to come hang with me for a bit. He says, “OK. I’ve got to take a shower but I’ll come right over after that.” He never shows. To his credit, this morning he had left me an offline telling me that his car broke down. But still. Sigh.
Then there was Wednesday. I had made plans on Tuesday to go out and have some fun in celebration of St. Patrick’s Day. I get home from work and when I get in touch with the person I’d made plans with, he’s all, “I had a bad day at work and I don’t think I’ll be much fun to be around. I’m just gonna sit at home and wallow in my self pity.” Alrighty then. Another night down the drain.
Then there’s yesterday, Thursday. I had made plans to go to dinner with someone, but since he hadn’t called Wednesday night, I figured he found something better to do with his time. And that’s fine. I had no problem with that. But then he calls me around 6 and asks whether I want to go somewhere. Uhm. No. I already ate thanks. Plus, you didn’t call me yesterday to make the plans, so I didn’t expect to be going anywhere. Long conversation and many miscommunications later, he tells me he’ll call me back later. He’s gonna go to a friend’s place and watch a movie. Ok, fine. About 2 minutes later, he calls me back saying he’s changed his mind. So, what did I want to do? Geesh, boy. You just have a decision making complex. Then when he figures out I’m not interested in doing anything with him, he gets all, “Well I just gave up time with my friends for you, you ungrateful, selfish bitch.” And I inform him that he chose to tell his friends “no” all by himself. Then after some more miscommunications and highly unoriginal lyric quoting on his end, I find myself talking to his sister…for some reason…not quite sure. But I inform her that I’m hanging up and then proceed to do so. He calls back about a minute later. Not much is accomplished by this conversation either and I’m not really sure who hung up that time. I think it was me.
I was pretty ticked off by this time. So I went and did the dishes and then began to read some stuff from my auditing book. He calls back AGAIN about an hour later to ask if I was still “trippin’.” I inform him that I was NEVER “trippin’” and that’s he starting to get kind of annoying. He says, “So, that’s how it is.” Uh, yeah. Then I tell him that I’m not quite sure why he keeps calling back. He’s like, “you’re right” and hangs up on me. Nice. At least he didn’t call me a slut. LoL. Then the guy who ditched me on Wednesday keeps having indecision problems. First he’s “too horny” to come and take a walk with me, (although I don’t really see the connection…). Then all of the sudden he’s ok with it. Then he decides it’s probably not a good idea again. Gargh!
MEN!!!
Alright, I admit it. I took a little poetic liberty with some of those direct quotes. But it’s more interesting this way, trust me.
Anywho…
I’ve started doing Tae Bo in the morning now. I mean after John tells me I’m fat, what else can I do? Sigh. That’s a whole other story. It’s kind of kicking my ass. (The Tae Bo that is.) I think my problem is that I don’t do the whole stretching thing after the kicking punching workout stuff. Then I’m sore the whole day. : ) Or maybe it’s just that I’m horribly out of shape. Yeah, that’s probably it. But after I finish my SpongeBob cookie dough ice cream, I’ll be on my diet. I just happened to have bought an extraordinary amount of ice cream (especially for someone who’s lactose intolerant, ahem) right before I decided to go on said diet. How ironic. But other than the ice cream, I’ve been eating fairly well. Tea in the morning. Sandwich at work for lunch. Fruit bowl, or in today’s case, carrots, for a snack. Last night I made rice and peas for dinner that turned out quite well. I just have to cut out the soda and other junk. And the goldfish crackers. I was banned from the goldfish by John. Makes me kind of sad since I was basically LIVING on them a few summers ago. But it’s probably better that way. They leave a funky taste in my mouth. I’m going to start eating wheat bread instead of white. I just finished the loaf of white this morning. I’m also going on a vegetable kick. I’m a fan of broccoli. I used to pretend I was a dinosaur and I had to go eat the trees. Whoa…creepy. That was a peek into my messed up childhood. No more fast food. All the good healthy things ya know. We’ll see how long this lasts. If it would ever warm up and quit raining, I plan to walk every evening too. But with WI weather, I’m not sure how well that part of the deal will go. But I exist on this earth to make John happy (har, har, har…dying of laughter) so I’ll do what I can. Plus, he’s got a point. I’m lazy and need to get out more. And my eating habits still suck even though I have a kitchen now.
I’m bored. I’m at work. This is Spring Break and since the other two interns here hopped off the Cancun and California, I ended up working a full week. Lovely. That’s my life. The guy I work for has been out of the office since Tuesday though. Seminars and vacation. He left me with a whole stack of things to do, but I’m done with all of that by now. So, that leaves me with nothing to do. I’m sure I can find something to do, but right now I’m just feeling lazy. I also get the feeling that my ranch dip for my carrots is stinking up the entire floor. LoL. Sweet. Office cube environments rock! I’d love to just say, “well, I’ve got nothing to do, time to go home,” but not only do I want the money, I’m sure there’s something I should be doing. Plus, I’m always paranoid that the one time I sneak out he’ll call me with something and I won’t be here. Not that it’s really that huge of a deal. I’m just an intern. But still. I’d feel bad. I mean, he called me once when I was in class and had turned my phone off. I didn’t turn it back on until a few hours later. But I still felt bad that I hadn’t called him back sooner. Even though it wasn’t a dramatically important issue anyway. I’m just paranoid and insecure. It’s not like they’ll fire me. I don’t think…
K-Mart on the other hand…Nah, they wouldn’t fire me either. They’ve been giving me really crappy hours, but I’m ok with that. There’s not much to do when I’m there except for fitting rooms and freight. I don’t really like people who work there either. Just a few service desk people and that’s it. Softlines has really been trimmed down. Not that we’re too busy anyway. Sigh. I do really like the new layaway system though. It’s actually connected to the other network of computers. Whoa. Welcome to the 21st century. Now if they could only figure out a way so we wouldn’t have to enter people’s names and addresses every single time they do a layaway. I mean, you don’t have to do that at WalMart…lol lol lol.
Thursday March 11, 2004
Have you ever done a search on your own name on yahoo or google or something? Well, being the lame person that I am, I decided to do just that. Here are the results. These numbers are just the results that were actually something to do with me:
Dogpile: 11Google: 4Yahoo: 5Hot Bot: 5Alta Vista: 2Lycos: 8Ask Jeeves: 10AOL Search: 4
Uhm. That was scary. I really have other things to be doing. Really, I do. But I'd much rather sit around doing worthless internet searches. :D
Tuesday March 9, 2004
Oh gosh...My HR class just keeps getting worse. We had our first exam last week. When we were taking the thing it was bad enough. She numbered things wrong and had some matching...6 questions with choices A-F. Ok, everyone knows there's no "F" on a Scantron form. Genius...So we got the exams back today. We spent the first 45 minutes or so trying to figure out why it seemed like everyone failed. Then she figured out that since there were 4 different versions of the exam, she must have run the answer key for the wrong version for about half of the class. Uh Duh. Then she kept confusing the dumber half of the class by saying "matching" instead of "multiple choice." Then she realized that she had only given one point for each matching question when they were really worth two. After that hoopla died down, she launched into a speech about how she was kind of disappointed in the test results. She whipped out this thing we had done the first day of class that listed goals we as students had set out for both ourselves and her. She came toe the conclusion that the reason we all sucked at the exam was because she had trust issues. She then went to another dimension all her own and told a very heart-warming story about her trust issue with her horse, Rosey, and how she hadn't yet been able to trust the horse enough to ride bareback, yet the formerly abused horse had been able to trust her after two years. I'm totally serious. She proceeded to start crying again. That took up another half an hour or so. After that, someone asked about this Job Analysis project thing we've got going on. After about 10 minutes of rummaging through the crate she carts around, she emerged with a transparency of something she got from a different professor. That was the end of the class. Seriously people. What the hell... She's a sweet lady and I think she's a good person, but she's not a good professor. She's trying, but just not getting there.
I bought a vacuum cleaner on Sunday. Finally got around to assembling it this afternoon. It works pretty well. Considering "we" hadn't vacuumed the floor since we've been here...it was pretty scary. I got a Dirt Devil Breeze. 12 amp, bagless. It's kind of loud, but much more effective than the wussy power broom or whatever I had before. Now I can go on more productive hormone induced cleaning binges. :)
Next week is Spring Break. I keep forgetting that. Not that I'm doing anything too important. Just working...sitting around...hopefully doing homework and accomplishing things...possibly creating a love nest for a few hours sometime...John...Ahem...
MMM....Chocolate...
Thursday March 4, 2005
So I registered. Yay. Also turned in my graduation applications. December 18th everyone. Remember to forget! Anyways, nothing much is going on in MarthaLand. What else is new? Oh yeah...I just said nothing. Short memory span...
I went on a cleaning binge this afternoon. Did dishes, cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed, mopped. The whole nine yards. Ok, maybe eight yards. I couldn't bring myself to vacuum my room. I need a bigger vacuum for that task. My little power broom can't handle that amount of scuzz. Not that anyone wanted to hear about my floor scuzz. :) Oh well. This is my website and I can say anything I want to.
Speaking of scuzz. John rather insulted me last weekend so there's no way I want anything to do with him for a while. If he wants to see me, he can call me. I know, I know. I've said this a gazillion times before and I always cave in and call him. Not this time. I was just so disgusted with him by the time I left last Saturday I wanted to kick his ass. Not a good thing. He can be such an asshole sometimes. Medication thins his blood so he can't get it up? What crap...
Tuesday March 2, 2004
I have an exam this morning and I've barely opened the books for the class. That's wonderful... I'm just completely apathetic. I just don't care. It's a stupid class that I don't want to take and will most likely never use. Grrrr. I registered for classes for next semester last night and the same goes for all of them. Not one of the classes I have to take to finish up my college education is in any way interesting to me. Ops Management? Music and Culture? Argh... But I must suffer through another 14 weeks of busy work and boredom and waste another $2000+ of my hard earned money to ultimately receive the stupid piece of paper that tells employers I rock. Dude, I already rock. Why couldn't they see that without all this hoopla?
This Sucks.
What is it about that Linkin Park song, Numb, that I like so much? Is it their screaming-like singing? Is it the rebel lyrics and attitude? Is it the weird background stuff? Maybe it's just the fact that the singer is cute. Although one can't really tell that from listening to the song. Friday March 19, 2004
Seriously, men, what is up with you lately? The past few days, I just can’t seem to escape outrageously annoying situations. I bring you to Tuesday evening. I invited someone to come hang with me for a bit. He says, “OK. I’ve got to take a shower but I’ll come right over after that.” He never shows. To his credit, this morning he had left me an offline telling me that his car broke down. But still. Sigh.
Then there was Wednesday. I had made plans on Tuesday to go out and have some fun in celebration of St. Patrick’s Day. I get home from work and when I get in touch with the person I’d made plans with, he’s all, “I had a bad day at work and I don’t think I’ll be much fun to be around. I’m just gonna sit at home and wallow in my self pity.” Alrighty then. Another night down the drain.
Then there’s yesterday, Thursday. I had made plans to go to dinner with someone, but since he hadn’t called Wednesday night, I figured he found something better to do with his time. And that’s fine. I had no problem with that. But then he calls me around 6 and asks whether I want to go somewhere. Uhm. No. I already ate thanks. Plus, you didn’t call me yesterday to make the plans, so I didn’t expect to be going anywhere. Long conversation and many miscommunications later, he tells me he’ll call me back later. He’s gonna go to a friend’s place and watch a movie. Ok, fine. About 2 minutes later, he calls me back saying he’s changed his mind. So, what did I want to do? Geesh, boy. You just have a decision making complex. Then when he figures out I’m not interested in doing anything with him, he gets all, “Well I just gave up time with my friends for you, you ungrateful, selfish bitch.” And I inform him that he chose to tell his friends “no” all by himself. Then after some more miscommunications and highly unoriginal lyric quoting on his end, I find myself talking to his sister…for some reason…not quite sure. But I inform her that I’m hanging up and then proceed to do so. He calls back about a minute later. Not much is accomplished by this conversation either and I’m not really sure who hung up that time. I think it was me.
I was pretty ticked off by this time. So I went and did the dishes and then began to read some stuff from my auditing book. He calls back AGAIN about an hour later to ask if I was still “trippin’.” I inform him that I was NEVER “trippin’” and that’s he starting to get kind of annoying. He says, “So, that’s how it is.” Uh, yeah. Then I tell him that I’m not quite sure why he keeps calling back. He’s like, “you’re right” and hangs up on me. Nice. At least he didn’t call me a slut. LoL. Then the guy who ditched me on Wednesday keeps having indecision problems. First he’s “too horny” to come and take a walk with me, (although I don’t really see the connection…). Then all of the sudden he’s ok with it. Then he decides it’s probably not a good idea again. Gargh!
MEN!!!
Alright, I admit it. I took a little poetic liberty with some of those direct quotes. But it’s more interesting this way, trust me.
Anywho…
I’ve started doing Tae Bo in the morning now. I mean after John tells me I’m fat, what else can I do? Sigh. That’s a whole other story. It’s kind of kicking my ass. (The Tae Bo that is.) I think my problem is that I don’t do the whole stretching thing after the kicking punching workout stuff. Then I’m sore the whole day. : ) Or maybe it’s just that I’m horribly out of shape. Yeah, that’s probably it. But after I finish my SpongeBob cookie dough ice cream, I’ll be on my diet. I just happened to have bought an extraordinary amount of ice cream (especially for someone who’s lactose intolerant, ahem) right before I decided to go on said diet. How ironic. But other than the ice cream, I’ve been eating fairly well. Tea in the morning. Sandwich at work for lunch. Fruit bowl, or in today’s case, carrots, for a snack. Last night I made rice and peas for dinner that turned out quite well. I just have to cut out the soda and other junk. And the goldfish crackers. I was banned from the goldfish by John. Makes me kind of sad since I was basically LIVING on them a few summers ago. But it’s probably better that way. They leave a funky taste in my mouth. I’m going to start eating wheat bread instead of white. I just finished the loaf of white this morning. I’m also going on a vegetable kick. I’m a fan of broccoli. I used to pretend I was a dinosaur and I had to go eat the trees. Whoa…creepy. That was a peek into my messed up childhood. No more fast food. All the good healthy things ya know. We’ll see how long this lasts. If it would ever warm up and quit raining, I plan to walk every evening too. But with WI weather, I’m not sure how well that part of the deal will go. But I exist on this earth to make John happy (har, har, har…dying of laughter) so I’ll do what I can. Plus, he’s got a point. I’m lazy and need to get out more. And my eating habits still suck even though I have a kitchen now.
I’m bored. I’m at work. This is Spring Break and since the other two interns here hopped off the Cancun and California, I ended up working a full week. Lovely. That’s my life. The guy I work for has been out of the office since Tuesday though. Seminars and vacation. He left me with a whole stack of things to do, but I’m done with all of that by now. So, that leaves me with nothing to do. I’m sure I can find something to do, but right now I’m just feeling lazy. I also get the feeling that my ranch dip for my carrots is stinking up the entire floor. LoL. Sweet. Office cube environments rock! I’d love to just say, “well, I’ve got nothing to do, time to go home,” but not only do I want the money, I’m sure there’s something I should be doing. Plus, I’m always paranoid that the one time I sneak out he’ll call me with something and I won’t be here. Not that it’s really that huge of a deal. I’m just an intern. But still. I’d feel bad. I mean, he called me once when I was in class and had turned my phone off. I didn’t turn it back on until a few hours later. But I still felt bad that I hadn’t called him back sooner. Even though it wasn’t a dramatically important issue anyway. I’m just paranoid and insecure. It’s not like they’ll fire me. I don’t think…
K-Mart on the other hand…Nah, they wouldn’t fire me either. They’ve been giving me really crappy hours, but I’m ok with that. There’s not much to do when I’m there except for fitting rooms and freight. I don’t really like people who work there either. Just a few service desk people and that’s it. Softlines has really been trimmed down. Not that we’re too busy anyway. Sigh. I do really like the new layaway system though. It’s actually connected to the other network of computers. Whoa. Welcome to the 21st century. Now if they could only figure out a way so we wouldn’t have to enter people’s names and addresses every single time they do a layaway. I mean, you don’t have to do that at WalMart…lol lol lol.
Thursday March 11, 2004
Have you ever done a search on your own name on yahoo or google or something? Well, being the lame person that I am, I decided to do just that. Here are the results. These numbers are just the results that were actually something to do with me:
Dogpile: 11Google: 4Yahoo: 5Hot Bot: 5Alta Vista: 2Lycos: 8Ask Jeeves: 10AOL Search: 4
Uhm. That was scary. I really have other things to be doing. Really, I do. But I'd much rather sit around doing worthless internet searches. :D
Tuesday March 9, 2004
Oh gosh...My HR class just keeps getting worse. We had our first exam last week. When we were taking the thing it was bad enough. She numbered things wrong and had some matching...6 questions with choices A-F. Ok, everyone knows there's no "F" on a Scantron form. Genius...So we got the exams back today. We spent the first 45 minutes or so trying to figure out why it seemed like everyone failed. Then she figured out that since there were 4 different versions of the exam, she must have run the answer key for the wrong version for about half of the class. Uh Duh. Then she kept confusing the dumber half of the class by saying "matching" instead of "multiple choice." Then she realized that she had only given one point for each matching question when they were really worth two. After that hoopla died down, she launched into a speech about how she was kind of disappointed in the test results. She whipped out this thing we had done the first day of class that listed goals we as students had set out for both ourselves and her. She came toe the conclusion that the reason we all sucked at the exam was because she had trust issues. She then went to another dimension all her own and told a very heart-warming story about her trust issue with her horse, Rosey, and how she hadn't yet been able to trust the horse enough to ride bareback, yet the formerly abused horse had been able to trust her after two years. I'm totally serious. She proceeded to start crying again. That took up another half an hour or so. After that, someone asked about this Job Analysis project thing we've got going on. After about 10 minutes of rummaging through the crate she carts around, she emerged with a transparency of something she got from a different professor. That was the end of the class. Seriously people. What the hell... She's a sweet lady and I think she's a good person, but she's not a good professor. She's trying, but just not getting there.
I bought a vacuum cleaner on Sunday. Finally got around to assembling it this afternoon. It works pretty well. Considering "we" hadn't vacuumed the floor since we've been here...it was pretty scary. I got a Dirt Devil Breeze. 12 amp, bagless. It's kind of loud, but much more effective than the wussy power broom or whatever I had before. Now I can go on more productive hormone induced cleaning binges. :)
Next week is Spring Break. I keep forgetting that. Not that I'm doing anything too important. Just working...sitting around...hopefully doing homework and accomplishing things...possibly creating a love nest for a few hours sometime...John...Ahem...
MMM....Chocolate...
Thursday March 4, 2005
So I registered. Yay. Also turned in my graduation applications. December 18th everyone. Remember to forget! Anyways, nothing much is going on in MarthaLand. What else is new? Oh yeah...I just said nothing. Short memory span...
I went on a cleaning binge this afternoon. Did dishes, cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed, mopped. The whole nine yards. Ok, maybe eight yards. I couldn't bring myself to vacuum my room. I need a bigger vacuum for that task. My little power broom can't handle that amount of scuzz. Not that anyone wanted to hear about my floor scuzz. :) Oh well. This is my website and I can say anything I want to.
Speaking of scuzz. John rather insulted me last weekend so there's no way I want anything to do with him for a while. If he wants to see me, he can call me. I know, I know. I've said this a gazillion times before and I always cave in and call him. Not this time. I was just so disgusted with him by the time I left last Saturday I wanted to kick his ass. Not a good thing. He can be such an asshole sometimes. Medication thins his blood so he can't get it up? What crap...
Tuesday March 2, 2004
I have an exam this morning and I've barely opened the books for the class. That's wonderful... I'm just completely apathetic. I just don't care. It's a stupid class that I don't want to take and will most likely never use. Grrrr. I registered for classes for next semester last night and the same goes for all of them. Not one of the classes I have to take to finish up my college education is in any way interesting to me. Ops Management? Music and Culture? Argh... But I must suffer through another 14 weeks of busy work and boredom and waste another $2000+ of my hard earned money to ultimately receive the stupid piece of paper that tells employers I rock. Dude, I already rock. Why couldn't they see that without all this hoopla?
This Sucks.
Thursday, February 05, 2004
February 2004
Sunday February 22, 2004
Bah. I think I'm finally recovering from my lah lah land week. I seriously don't know what happened in the last 6 days. I was kinda out of it. Life is weird. Last night I had to try really hard to not call John. It was kind of a test for myself to see if I could do it. It was totally difficult. I called him tonight when I got home from work. He asks why I didn't call him last night. Well, why didn't YOU call ME you big dork! Grrrrrr. Stupid horny Martha. Why does he have to be so cute. I'm obsessed, and I know it. And there's nothing I can do about it. Not sure I WANT to do anything about it.
But on a completely different subject, since I know everyone is tired of hearing about John, Brian all of the sudden IM-ed me the other day. That was interesting. Has quite a tempting proposition too, considering how I've been trying to get a guy to go on camera with me for awhile. We'll see how it goes. I may be a small screen star soon. Tee hee. Let's hope it doesn't leak onto the internet. :) What would my parents think.... oh wait, that's right. They don't care!
School sucks. I'm tired of it already. Not that I'm really doing much this semester. Only four classes and I'm kind of not really applying myself to my studies. Like right now, I should be doing Auditing or something I suppose. I just don't feel like it. I'm actually trying to decide if I want to go get something to eat. I haven't been eating much lately and now, since it's snowing again, I'm not sure I want to go back outside. Meh. Bah. Grr. Hiss. Boo.
Monday February 16, 2004
*moan* I'm so sick. I went to work this morning. I sat there, staring at my computer for about an hour and then decided that was stupid and came back home. I've been sleeping on and off since then. I've been floating around in a haze for the last few days anyways. I feel like a huge orange. All I've had to eat or drink since probably Friday is orange juice. I don't know. I have a night class tonight but I'm not sure I'm gonna make it all the way through. I just completely lack any kind of concentration. I'm surprised I didn't kill myself driving either to or from work this morning. My mind is just all over the place and I tend to have dizzy spells. Not to mention the incessant shaking which is really starting to piss me off. I have all kinds of problems.
That was exhausting. Time to go back to bed for a little bit.
Tuesday February 10, 2004
This website (and, as it should be assumed, the author of this website) wishes to thank the following people for acknowledging said author's birthday. (IT WAS YESTERDAY YOU DUMMY...)
1. My mother. She called my phone while I was in my seminar class (thanks, mom...) In her message, she sang happy birthday and then accused me of not calling her enough. Geesh, I just called you like 2 weeks ago...*Sigh*
2. David. I'll let this one get by, even though he actually said "Happy Birthday" on Saturday...shall we say "extenuating circumstances?" :)
3. My sister, Catherine. Once again, tough call on this one. She sent me a DVD player about 2 weeks ago and a card a few days after that. Nothing yesterday, but that's ok. It still counts.
4. My brother, Evan. Sent me a short "happy birthday to you" e-mail in the afternoon.
5. Mikus. Guy I chat with. He's a nice guy. He's married too, so it's good to just talk.
6. Catherine, my former roommate. She informed me that I'm old now...
7. Jaysinn. Another guy I chat with, although I don't know why he said that to me since he hasn't talked to me at all since he ditched me a while back. Bastards...
8. My grandmother. She sent a card. She's got it easy though. We have the same birthday.
That's about it. Unless you want to count the gay "Happy Birthday mld_82!" thing from Yahoo!...
Sunday February 8, 2004
Hmm. Maybe this VITA thing wasn't such a good idea. I have to take this certification test in order to be able to volunteer my Saturday mornings for the next 2 months. That doesn't really make a lot of sense, but I guess when I'm doing other people's tax returns, it's good to make sure I know what I'm doing. :) It should be fun. I hope.
I still really have nothing of any importance to say to the masses (that would be you...) I'm just procrastinating. I don't want to do my homework. I just want to lay around doing nothing. But that doesn't seem very practical, given the pile of books just begging to be opened. Plus, one of my neighbors has this really annoying music that must be playing really loud and on repeat and it's driving me nuts. The more I try and ignore it, the more I focus in on it and it makes me insane. Sigh.
I've started trying to bribe people to associate with me. I offer them things to come over. Unfortunately, no one seems to be cool with that. On the other hand, there are a few people who ask constantly, "Can I come over?" These are the people I'd really rather not have come over, of course. I can't win. Then there's John. I don't even know what to say about him right now. For anyone who's been reading this stupid website from the beginning, I think you've noticed that he's a recurring character in this story. Usually, he's pissing me off or I'm ranting about how great he is. This can't be healthly. Oh well. He's cute, so what can ya do? :D
Well, I'm off to work soon. Go K-Mart! I still can't believe that people buy things for their significant others for Valentine's Day at K-Mart. And then they're surprised when it breaks or the gems are shitty. Dude...you bought it at K-MART...not exactly known for the greatest of quality. Duh...
That is all...
Friday February 6, 2004
Blah. I don't really have anything to say, but I think this page looks totally gay, completely blank like it was. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. But it's only 8. That's sad.
So, the spring semester began this past Monday. My schedule this semester is decent. Only 4 classes. One night class on Monday and then 3 classes back to back on Tuesday and Thursday. This makes my working schedule much nicer than previous semesters and it also gives me lots of free time. Not that I'm using it or anything.
I have this Honors Seminar. It's the last class I need to graduate from the Honors Program. It's a semester long class that's a thesis in disguise. The theme this time is race. Great...I don't get enough about that from John. Argh. (Not that I'm complaining...John...) It's going to be a lot of work that I'm not quite sure I want to do. I also have Auditing (also, lots of work), Tax II, and HR. Now, this HR class is going to be hell on earth. The professor is new and this is her first time teaching this class. That is to say she really has no idea what she's doing. So aside from being dreadfully boring, I wouldn't learn anything if I wanted to. Not that I want to. HR = worthless. Tax should be fine and Auditing, although it's at 8am, should be ok since the prof has a really loud voice and seemingly unending energy. Yeesh.
Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. VITA training in the morning followed by Kim's baby shower and then work in the evening. Yay. Perhaps going to bed at 8 isn't so pathetic if I think about it.
Ok, yes it is. I look at it this way. I have no life. I do nothing. The more time I spend sleeping means the less time I have to try and figure out what to do with myself. I could drink, eat, do drugs...instead I opt to do something less harmful...sleep. Too much sleep never hurt anyone...right?
Oh wait...isn't sleeping a lot a sign of depression. So is alcoholism (I type as I take another swig of my Rolling Rock.) Oh well...When life is just as boring awake as it is asleep, why not sleep it away?
Justin might be visiting me sometime soon, so that's cool. I'm sure K-Mart will find some way to fuck it up though. Bastards...
That's all for now from me, Miss Merry Sunshine.
Bah. I think I'm finally recovering from my lah lah land week. I seriously don't know what happened in the last 6 days. I was kinda out of it. Life is weird. Last night I had to try really hard to not call John. It was kind of a test for myself to see if I could do it. It was totally difficult. I called him tonight when I got home from work. He asks why I didn't call him last night. Well, why didn't YOU call ME you big dork! Grrrrrr. Stupid horny Martha. Why does he have to be so cute. I'm obsessed, and I know it. And there's nothing I can do about it. Not sure I WANT to do anything about it.
But on a completely different subject, since I know everyone is tired of hearing about John, Brian all of the sudden IM-ed me the other day. That was interesting. Has quite a tempting proposition too, considering how I've been trying to get a guy to go on camera with me for awhile. We'll see how it goes. I may be a small screen star soon. Tee hee. Let's hope it doesn't leak onto the internet. :) What would my parents think.... oh wait, that's right. They don't care!
School sucks. I'm tired of it already. Not that I'm really doing much this semester. Only four classes and I'm kind of not really applying myself to my studies. Like right now, I should be doing Auditing or something I suppose. I just don't feel like it. I'm actually trying to decide if I want to go get something to eat. I haven't been eating much lately and now, since it's snowing again, I'm not sure I want to go back outside. Meh. Bah. Grr. Hiss. Boo.
Monday February 16, 2004
*moan* I'm so sick. I went to work this morning. I sat there, staring at my computer for about an hour and then decided that was stupid and came back home. I've been sleeping on and off since then. I've been floating around in a haze for the last few days anyways. I feel like a huge orange. All I've had to eat or drink since probably Friday is orange juice. I don't know. I have a night class tonight but I'm not sure I'm gonna make it all the way through. I just completely lack any kind of concentration. I'm surprised I didn't kill myself driving either to or from work this morning. My mind is just all over the place and I tend to have dizzy spells. Not to mention the incessant shaking which is really starting to piss me off. I have all kinds of problems.
That was exhausting. Time to go back to bed for a little bit.
Tuesday February 10, 2004
This website (and, as it should be assumed, the author of this website) wishes to thank the following people for acknowledging said author's birthday. (IT WAS YESTERDAY YOU DUMMY...)
1. My mother. She called my phone while I was in my seminar class (thanks, mom...) In her message, she sang happy birthday and then accused me of not calling her enough. Geesh, I just called you like 2 weeks ago...*Sigh*
2. David. I'll let this one get by, even though he actually said "Happy Birthday" on Saturday...shall we say "extenuating circumstances?" :)
3. My sister, Catherine. Once again, tough call on this one. She sent me a DVD player about 2 weeks ago and a card a few days after that. Nothing yesterday, but that's ok. It still counts.
4. My brother, Evan. Sent me a short "happy birthday to you" e-mail in the afternoon.
5. Mikus. Guy I chat with. He's a nice guy. He's married too, so it's good to just talk.
6. Catherine, my former roommate. She informed me that I'm old now...
7. Jaysinn. Another guy I chat with, although I don't know why he said that to me since he hasn't talked to me at all since he ditched me a while back. Bastards...
8. My grandmother. She sent a card. She's got it easy though. We have the same birthday.
That's about it. Unless you want to count the gay "Happy Birthday mld_82!" thing from Yahoo!...
Sunday February 8, 2004
Hmm. Maybe this VITA thing wasn't such a good idea. I have to take this certification test in order to be able to volunteer my Saturday mornings for the next 2 months. That doesn't really make a lot of sense, but I guess when I'm doing other people's tax returns, it's good to make sure I know what I'm doing. :) It should be fun. I hope.
I still really have nothing of any importance to say to the masses (that would be you...) I'm just procrastinating. I don't want to do my homework. I just want to lay around doing nothing. But that doesn't seem very practical, given the pile of books just begging to be opened. Plus, one of my neighbors has this really annoying music that must be playing really loud and on repeat and it's driving me nuts. The more I try and ignore it, the more I focus in on it and it makes me insane. Sigh.
I've started trying to bribe people to associate with me. I offer them things to come over. Unfortunately, no one seems to be cool with that. On the other hand, there are a few people who ask constantly, "Can I come over?" These are the people I'd really rather not have come over, of course. I can't win. Then there's John. I don't even know what to say about him right now. For anyone who's been reading this stupid website from the beginning, I think you've noticed that he's a recurring character in this story. Usually, he's pissing me off or I'm ranting about how great he is. This can't be healthly. Oh well. He's cute, so what can ya do? :D
Well, I'm off to work soon. Go K-Mart! I still can't believe that people buy things for their significant others for Valentine's Day at K-Mart. And then they're surprised when it breaks or the gems are shitty. Dude...you bought it at K-MART...not exactly known for the greatest of quality. Duh...
That is all...
Friday February 6, 2004
Blah. I don't really have anything to say, but I think this page looks totally gay, completely blank like it was. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. But it's only 8. That's sad.
So, the spring semester began this past Monday. My schedule this semester is decent. Only 4 classes. One night class on Monday and then 3 classes back to back on Tuesday and Thursday. This makes my working schedule much nicer than previous semesters and it also gives me lots of free time. Not that I'm using it or anything.
I have this Honors Seminar. It's the last class I need to graduate from the Honors Program. It's a semester long class that's a thesis in disguise. The theme this time is race. Great...I don't get enough about that from John. Argh. (Not that I'm complaining...John...) It's going to be a lot of work that I'm not quite sure I want to do. I also have Auditing (also, lots of work), Tax II, and HR. Now, this HR class is going to be hell on earth. The professor is new and this is her first time teaching this class. That is to say she really has no idea what she's doing. So aside from being dreadfully boring, I wouldn't learn anything if I wanted to. Not that I want to. HR = worthless. Tax should be fine and Auditing, although it's at 8am, should be ok since the prof has a really loud voice and seemingly unending energy. Yeesh.
Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. VITA training in the morning followed by Kim's baby shower and then work in the evening. Yay. Perhaps going to bed at 8 isn't so pathetic if I think about it.
Ok, yes it is. I look at it this way. I have no life. I do nothing. The more time I spend sleeping means the less time I have to try and figure out what to do with myself. I could drink, eat, do drugs...instead I opt to do something less harmful...sleep. Too much sleep never hurt anyone...right?
Oh wait...isn't sleeping a lot a sign of depression. So is alcoholism (I type as I take another swig of my Rolling Rock.) Oh well...When life is just as boring awake as it is asleep, why not sleep it away?
Justin might be visiting me sometime soon, so that's cool. I'm sure K-Mart will find some way to fuck it up though. Bastards...
That's all for now from me, Miss Merry Sunshine.
Monday, January 05, 2004
January 2004
Saturday January 31, 2004
Blah. Life is so boring. This past week, I've done absolutely nothing. I've been at work all day and then I come home and sit here doing nothing all evening. It's so sad. The semester starts Monday. I bought my books this morning. Not too bad...only $128. I'm going to drop my International Marketing class. Since I'm dropping that minor anyway, why waste my time (and money on a $110 book) on a class I have no interest in. This way, I'll be done with classes on Tuesday and Thursday at 1pm. Since I won't be working weeknights at K-mart this semester either, this makes a WHOLE HELLA LOT MORE FREE TIME to sit and do nothing. Yay!
So, people. What does this mean for you. This means I'll be available to hang out and be generally sociable for a lot more time than EVER BEFORE. I have a night class on Monday, but that's it. Tuesday through Friday nights I have completely off. Woo! Of course, there will be homework. I only have 4 classes during the 14 weeks though, so it shouldn't be overbearing. :) I'm really looking forward to a calmer life.
I don't even know what day it is...is it Wednesday? Oh yeah, there it is...Wednesday January 21, 2004
Obviously I'm doing well...I swear today is Thursday, yet all day yesterday I thought it was Monday. That just goes to show you how my week has been going. Last week, I had a rabbit decide to take up residence in my engine for a while. I kid you not.
That stupid rabbit cost me $150 on Monday. And it also gave the nice people over at Saturn the opportunity to find another $500-ish of problems. Lovely. So there go my books for this next semester...you don't need books to go to school...noooo...
Then on Tuesday, I got a letter from my bank informing me that my credit card account may have been "compromised" and they had closed my account. No wonder it didn't work at the gas station...How annoying. They say they're sending me a new card, but we'll see...
On the way to work this afternoon, there were 3 areas where traffic had come to a complete standstill. This is in about 25 miles of highway on 41 northbound. THREE TIMES! The roads didn't seem too bad to me, but apparently no one around here can drive. People were crashing into medians and getting sideswiped by semis. Argh. And on the way home, there was a blinding whiteout for about 5 minutes. I love Wisconsin...
Only two more days of my interim class left. Thank the lord...what a boring class. Then I have a week of before the spring semester starts. What fun. I just want to lay in bed for about a week straight and do absolutely nothing. Not likely, but it's a nice though.
Friday January 2, 2004
Happy New Year and all that crap. How stupid. I hate holidays. I’m sitting here at work, waiting for the numbers for year-end to be finalized. Fun, fun.
I think my boobs are really being distractive today. It must be the bra I’m wearing or something, but they just keep appearing in my peripheral vision and it’s driving me nuts. Not that anyone reading this (that is assuming people read this in the first place) can understand this situation since you’re probably a guy… girls just don’t like me much.
I was asked about a threesome with a girl the other day. No one in particular in mind. The guy was just kind of feeling out my thoughts on the subject. What is it with you people!?!?! Aren’t I enough? Damn, boys. How rude. :D
And speaking of being enough…sigh…so I had a visitor yesterday afternoon. Quite nice I must say. It’s been a long time since I’ve had any kind of fun, if you know what I mean. It’s horrible though because I know I should not continue in this direction. But I can’t help it. Why does he have to be so adorable? Grrrr. If I weren’t so damned attracted to him, it would be a whole lot easier to move on and get a life. Unfortunately, that’s not how it is. He walks in the door and I immediately want to get naked and do nasty things. Argh.
Not that that’s all we do. We had a very nice, long conversation yesterday. We get along quite well in general, although he has now requested that I no longer refer to him as "dork" but as "semi-dork." I personally don’t see a difference... I just really don’t know what to do about it right now, so I’m just gonna take it as it comes. I enjoy his company (for many reasons) and as long as I can not overreact or get too deep in this time, it should be ok.
Ok, we all know that’s a load of cow poop…but what can you do…I see no problem having a little fun for a bit until it blows up in my face again. I think the amount of pleasure I get from it equals the amount of pain it will ultimately cause. Right? Sure…
So, my interim class starts on Monday. MIS. Woo. I’ve taught classes about the subject matter so I really don’t see the value of me taking this class, but whatever. More wasted time and money. What else is new? I’m just so tired. I’m hoping maybe I’ll be able to sleep through most of the class. I’ve been working non-stop it seems. I do have tonight off (since it’s Friday) but I’ll be working both jobs tomorrow. I somehow have Monday and Tuesday nights off too. Weird. Hours have been cut a little bit at K-Mart, but that’s ok.
Stupid boobs…they’re just sitting there saying “Touch me, touch me. You know you want to…” grrr. It’s like they’re levitating.
Hey everyone. I didn’t drink at all on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s. Why, you might ask…cuz I’m freakin’ POOR people. Plus, I had enough alcohol last weekend to last me for a while. While bar-hopping in downtown Charleston with a group of my brother’s Microsoft friends (and that’s a whole other story in and of itself), I had a hella lot of alcohol. That doesn’t even take into account the stuff I had at the reception before that. Tee hee. Apparently just standing around in a skirt at a bar gets you lots of free drinks. Especially if your hands are empty when someone looks at you. Sucessful computer nerds are wonderful people. And very liberal with cash too.
Blah. Life is so boring. This past week, I've done absolutely nothing. I've been at work all day and then I come home and sit here doing nothing all evening. It's so sad. The semester starts Monday. I bought my books this morning. Not too bad...only $128. I'm going to drop my International Marketing class. Since I'm dropping that minor anyway, why waste my time (and money on a $110 book) on a class I have no interest in. This way, I'll be done with classes on Tuesday and Thursday at 1pm. Since I won't be working weeknights at K-mart this semester either, this makes a WHOLE HELLA LOT MORE FREE TIME to sit and do nothing. Yay!
So, people. What does this mean for you. This means I'll be available to hang out and be generally sociable for a lot more time than EVER BEFORE. I have a night class on Monday, but that's it. Tuesday through Friday nights I have completely off. Woo! Of course, there will be homework. I only have 4 classes during the 14 weeks though, so it shouldn't be overbearing. :) I'm really looking forward to a calmer life.
I don't even know what day it is...is it Wednesday? Oh yeah, there it is...Wednesday January 21, 2004
Obviously I'm doing well...I swear today is Thursday, yet all day yesterday I thought it was Monday. That just goes to show you how my week has been going. Last week, I had a rabbit decide to take up residence in my engine for a while. I kid you not.
That stupid rabbit cost me $150 on Monday. And it also gave the nice people over at Saturn the opportunity to find another $500-ish of problems. Lovely. So there go my books for this next semester...you don't need books to go to school...noooo...
Then on Tuesday, I got a letter from my bank informing me that my credit card account may have been "compromised" and they had closed my account. No wonder it didn't work at the gas station...How annoying. They say they're sending me a new card, but we'll see...
On the way to work this afternoon, there were 3 areas where traffic had come to a complete standstill. This is in about 25 miles of highway on 41 northbound. THREE TIMES! The roads didn't seem too bad to me, but apparently no one around here can drive. People were crashing into medians and getting sideswiped by semis. Argh. And on the way home, there was a blinding whiteout for about 5 minutes. I love Wisconsin...
Only two more days of my interim class left. Thank the lord...what a boring class. Then I have a week of before the spring semester starts. What fun. I just want to lay in bed for about a week straight and do absolutely nothing. Not likely, but it's a nice though.
Friday January 2, 2004
Happy New Year and all that crap. How stupid. I hate holidays. I’m sitting here at work, waiting for the numbers for year-end to be finalized. Fun, fun.
I think my boobs are really being distractive today. It must be the bra I’m wearing or something, but they just keep appearing in my peripheral vision and it’s driving me nuts. Not that anyone reading this (that is assuming people read this in the first place) can understand this situation since you’re probably a guy… girls just don’t like me much.
I was asked about a threesome with a girl the other day. No one in particular in mind. The guy was just kind of feeling out my thoughts on the subject. What is it with you people!?!?! Aren’t I enough? Damn, boys. How rude. :D
And speaking of being enough…sigh…so I had a visitor yesterday afternoon. Quite nice I must say. It’s been a long time since I’ve had any kind of fun, if you know what I mean. It’s horrible though because I know I should not continue in this direction. But I can’t help it. Why does he have to be so adorable? Grrrr. If I weren’t so damned attracted to him, it would be a whole lot easier to move on and get a life. Unfortunately, that’s not how it is. He walks in the door and I immediately want to get naked and do nasty things. Argh.
Not that that’s all we do. We had a very nice, long conversation yesterday. We get along quite well in general, although he has now requested that I no longer refer to him as "dork" but as "semi-dork." I personally don’t see a difference... I just really don’t know what to do about it right now, so I’m just gonna take it as it comes. I enjoy his company (for many reasons) and as long as I can not overreact or get too deep in this time, it should be ok.
Ok, we all know that’s a load of cow poop…but what can you do…I see no problem having a little fun for a bit until it blows up in my face again. I think the amount of pleasure I get from it equals the amount of pain it will ultimately cause. Right? Sure…
So, my interim class starts on Monday. MIS. Woo. I’ve taught classes about the subject matter so I really don’t see the value of me taking this class, but whatever. More wasted time and money. What else is new? I’m just so tired. I’m hoping maybe I’ll be able to sleep through most of the class. I’ve been working non-stop it seems. I do have tonight off (since it’s Friday) but I’ll be working both jobs tomorrow. I somehow have Monday and Tuesday nights off too. Weird. Hours have been cut a little bit at K-Mart, but that’s ok.
Stupid boobs…they’re just sitting there saying “Touch me, touch me. You know you want to…” grrr. It’s like they’re levitating.
Hey everyone. I didn’t drink at all on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s. Why, you might ask…cuz I’m freakin’ POOR people. Plus, I had enough alcohol last weekend to last me for a while. While bar-hopping in downtown Charleston with a group of my brother’s Microsoft friends (and that’s a whole other story in and of itself), I had a hella lot of alcohol. That doesn’t even take into account the stuff I had at the reception before that. Tee hee. Apparently just standing around in a skirt at a bar gets you lots of free drinks. Especially if your hands are empty when someone looks at you. Sucessful computer nerds are wonderful people. And very liberal with cash too.
Friday, December 05, 2003
December 2003
Monday, December 22, 2003
I dislike Christmas. Yesterday, I was alone in the softlines area from 4 pm on. Nice. Love the way they schedule. I was running all over the freakin' place and I kept getting stuck behind the jewelry counter. It's hard to be in 4 places at once, let me tell you. It was NOT cool. Today and tomorrow are 14.5 hour days. Fun, fun. But then I get to hop on an airplane and suffer for 4 days. And not get paid for it. Grrrr. I still haven't found anything to wear. I have a skirt, but I can't find anything to go with it. Stupid long sleeves. I hate clothes too. What a pain. There's not too much I actually like right now. Chocolate is always good, of course. That may just be the PMS-ing woman in me though. :)
I bought a bathroom scale last night. Weighed myself for the first time in about 2 years. Probably not a good idea. Whoa, was it depressing. I think I was better off not knowing. Granted, my weight's been redistributed on my body over the last few years, but still...ugh...
Friday, December 19, 2003
Yawn. I really need to get out of here. Here being Wisconsin. This is my life right now. Yeah, it's December, so therefore it's cold. Yeah, it snows. Who cares? It's the stupid weathermen that drive me nuts. I was driving to work the other day. The radio station I listen to has this weather update crap like every 5 minutes. The moron who reads the piece of paper is blabbing on. His last line is "It's and it's " On this particular day, it went something like, "It's 7:11 AM and it's 8 degrees ABOVE ZERO."
Thanks for the clarification.
I've really got to get out.
Granted, it wouldn't have phased me much if he had said "below zero" rather than "above zero." For people who live in the northern parts of the country, 0 is a relative temperature. Sure, in July, if we heard it was going to be 0 degrees the next day, we'd probably freak. But in December, 0 is nothing. For those of you who enjoy the milder climates, freezing is 32 degrees. 0 is therefore 32 degrees below freezing. And here in Wisconsin, we have a lovely factor called the "windchill" which makes the already chilly 0 into a frigid -18. Lovely.
Anyways, this week was my first back at full time at Presto. Between this past Wednesday and Christmas, I have 77.5 hours scheduled. Fun, fun. Keeps me out of trouble. Or something. I'm still not really looking forward to my brother's wedding. I haven't been able to find a dress to wear. I tried to go shopping on Wednesday. It was sad. I went to Kohl's out in Neenah. Stepped into the store, wandered around aimlessly for about 5 minutes, panicked and ran out. I just don't do the shopping thing very well, which is why I haven't bought any new clothes in about 3 years. I tried 2 other stores here in Oshkosh, but it seems like everything is either:
1. Black,2. Red, pink, orange or some combination thereof,3. Too damn short, or4. Too damn tight.
I have no luck.
Speaking of no luck...Sigh
There seems to be some kind of evil lurking around me that is keeping me from getting any. It's kind of annoying. Twice in the last few days, I've been so close to nookie I could feel it...literally. Yet, something steps in and steps on the brakes. On Tuesday, it was a sudden bout of nausea followed by vomiting. Not exactly a turn on...the guy ended up leaving me in the bathroom. Yuck. Yesterday, I had the guy on his way over. I go to the bathroom quick before he gets here, and lo and behold. A visitor. DAMMIT. That sucks. Yet this morning, the visitor had packed up and left...somehow...what the hell. It's like my body is just fucking with me. Grrrrrr. Not cool.
John! Where are you!?! Argh.
Monday, December 8, 2003
Aah. The last week of the fall semester. Such a great thought. This semester has been retarded. A complete waste. So this final week will be just as much a waste as the last thirteen were. Woo. More money down the drain. Thanks UWO...
This weekend was full of sexual frustration. Jason came over on Friday and took me out to the bars. I got pretty drunk. Came home, went to sleep. Saturday morning I woke up to get ready for work and when I came back from the shower, he had totally taken off. Men... Then on Saturday after work I went to Reeve to finish up the tax returns. Met Justin there. Tried very hard not to hop on him. Ended up walking back to his room in Gruenhagen. Ooh, the restraint I had to practice. I just wanted to strip him naked the entire time. But no, I settled for dirty comments and blantant come ons. Then when I got home, another senator was online and I finally gave into him and went and picked him up. What a waste of time. He asked to go back after about 5 minutes. Loser. On Sunday, I worked and then I let another guy who I've been talking to for a bit come over to hang out for a bit. That was fun, but still got me nowhere. I've just lost the ability to be a slut. Mind you, that's a good thing. I have no desire to add to my so called "number." I'd rather find one of the guys I've already been with. (Hey John, what's up? LoL.) And NOT a threesome, David...so quit asking.
I still have quite a bit of work to do before the semester is over with. That sucks. I'm so tired and I feel so lazy. I think it's because I don't get enough sex. If I got laid more often, my mind would be free to think about more important things, right? Argh.
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
November 2003
Thursday November 27, 2004
Hey that's right. It's Thanksgiving. Who gives a shit. I'll be working 8 hours today at K-Mart! WOO! Holiday pay! My status on messenger for today is "Save a turkey. Eat me." We'll see if I get any reaction for the throngs of adoring males who added me to their friend list. Ha ha ha.
Somehow, over the past 2 weeks, I just quit caring. School sucks, so I'll go through the motions of half-heartedly doing homework and taking exams, but I really could care less. I've been on vacation from K-Mart for the past week and a half and I just heard yesterday that our store manager (the only manager I could really stand) is resigning. Great. At Presto, everything is basically the same, so I can't complain about that. Guys in general are always pissing me off. They can't seem to comprehend that I don't like them, I don't care if they're not like every other guy and frankly, I'm sick of hearing that. Just leave me the fuck alone. I don't want some clingy older guy calling me every day. It's just annoying. Nothing ever happens in my life that is of any exciting value. And I know nothing happens in this guys' life cuz he sits at home all day doing who knows what. Fuck man, just leave me alone!
And all those younger guys who think they can make me happy...or at least want to try for 10 minutes. Lame. Isolation is always the best method. Think of how much better off the US would be if they'd stuck with it. I, for one, am going to not give it to worldwide pressure. Borders are closed guys. This immigration quota has been met.
Sunday November 23, 2004
So I'm sitting here on a Saturday night/Sunday morning, drinking vodka and hanging out. This is my last weekend of vacation from K-Mart and I still feel as though I haven't made the most of it. I here with a freak trying to convince me to get a tattoo of a cow on my ass. Somehow this doesn't seem like the best use of my hard-earned money.
Thursday November 13, 2004
I've been sitting here doing homework for the last hour and a half or so. This is what every Thursday night has been like since the first week of the semester. Procrastinators unite! Business Comp assignments are always due on Fridays, as are most Tax writing assignments, etc, etc, etc. Of course, I never do them earlier in the week, say, Monday, my night off. (Or in the case of this week, not my night off. Stupid K-Mart called me in to work because they can't schedule people the right way and they know I'll come work. Damn this need for money! But hey, I have the next two weekends off to use my vacation, so I guess I should shut up. Not like I was gonna do homework on Monday anyway.)
Whoa, hella parenthetical.
For those of you who knew what that last sentence meant, yay you! I'd give you a gold star, but I have better things to do. Of course, that said, I probably have better things to be doing than sitting here typing this. Yeah, ironic, ain't it?
I've been listening to this stupid Jessica Simpson CD over and over. I'm too lazy to change it. This happened a few weeks ago with a Britney Spears CD. Man, my taste in music sucks. Thing is, their crap is easy to tune out and it helps me concentrate on my homework. I can't hear other superfluous noise (like my roommate's TV), but I can also mostly ignore their shitty teeny bopper songs. It works for everyone. They get my money and I get my homework done. I did catch myself humming one of her songs at work tonight though.
Speaking of songs at work...
K-MART IS PLAYING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ALREADY!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I don't think it's wise to bring on the homicidal urges this early...hope things don't get out of hand. :-)
Hey that's right. It's Thanksgiving. Who gives a shit. I'll be working 8 hours today at K-Mart! WOO! Holiday pay! My status on messenger for today is "Save a turkey. Eat me." We'll see if I get any reaction for the throngs of adoring males who added me to their friend list. Ha ha ha.
Somehow, over the past 2 weeks, I just quit caring. School sucks, so I'll go through the motions of half-heartedly doing homework and taking exams, but I really could care less. I've been on vacation from K-Mart for the past week and a half and I just heard yesterday that our store manager (the only manager I could really stand) is resigning. Great. At Presto, everything is basically the same, so I can't complain about that. Guys in general are always pissing me off. They can't seem to comprehend that I don't like them, I don't care if they're not like every other guy and frankly, I'm sick of hearing that. Just leave me the fuck alone. I don't want some clingy older guy calling me every day. It's just annoying. Nothing ever happens in my life that is of any exciting value. And I know nothing happens in this guys' life cuz he sits at home all day doing who knows what. Fuck man, just leave me alone!
And all those younger guys who think they can make me happy...or at least want to try for 10 minutes. Lame. Isolation is always the best method. Think of how much better off the US would be if they'd stuck with it. I, for one, am going to not give it to worldwide pressure. Borders are closed guys. This immigration quota has been met.
Sunday November 23, 2004
So I'm sitting here on a Saturday night/Sunday morning, drinking vodka and hanging out. This is my last weekend of vacation from K-Mart and I still feel as though I haven't made the most of it. I here with a freak trying to convince me to get a tattoo of a cow on my ass. Somehow this doesn't seem like the best use of my hard-earned money.
Thursday November 13, 2004
I've been sitting here doing homework for the last hour and a half or so. This is what every Thursday night has been like since the first week of the semester. Procrastinators unite! Business Comp assignments are always due on Fridays, as are most Tax writing assignments, etc, etc, etc. Of course, I never do them earlier in the week, say, Monday, my night off. (Or in the case of this week, not my night off. Stupid K-Mart called me in to work because they can't schedule people the right way and they know I'll come work. Damn this need for money! But hey, I have the next two weekends off to use my vacation, so I guess I should shut up. Not like I was gonna do homework on Monday anyway.)
Whoa, hella parenthetical.
For those of you who knew what that last sentence meant, yay you! I'd give you a gold star, but I have better things to do. Of course, that said, I probably have better things to be doing than sitting here typing this. Yeah, ironic, ain't it?
I've been listening to this stupid Jessica Simpson CD over and over. I'm too lazy to change it. This happened a few weeks ago with a Britney Spears CD. Man, my taste in music sucks. Thing is, their crap is easy to tune out and it helps me concentrate on my homework. I can't hear other superfluous noise (like my roommate's TV), but I can also mostly ignore their shitty teeny bopper songs. It works for everyone. They get my money and I get my homework done. I did catch myself humming one of her songs at work tonight though.
Speaking of songs at work...
K-MART IS PLAYING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ALREADY!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I don't think it's wise to bring on the homicidal urges this early...hope things don't get out of hand. :-)
Sunday, October 05, 2003
October 2003
Tuesday October 21, 2003
There are a few things I just don't understand at all. One of them is the guy mentality. So many males are offended when I automatically assume they're telling me I'm hot because they want something. But really, how many times have I been wrong about that? Not many...The second I get ticked off about them always asking to see my boobs or incesessantly asking if I will come to their house or can they come to my house I kind of insinuate that I'm denying them. Then they suddenly go from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde and call me nasty names. Yeah, insulting me is really going to make me change my mind and say, "oh yes, please invade my privacy, come into my home, and fuck my like I've never been fucked before." Puh-leeeeeze.
The whole insult thing is a completely different subject. In the last 24 hours I've been called a bitch (although that's normal), a cunt (not so common), self-absorbed (I know I'm great) and MY personal favorite, and I quote, "chubby redheaded whore." Well at least he didn't tell me I was fat...
Come on guys. It gets really old.
Yes the hair is natural, no I'm not going to tell you if the "carpet matches the curtains," yes, I'm aware that apparently 99% of the male population finds redheaded irresistable and those same 99% appear to think that redheads are good in bed, I'm not going to discuss oral sex or my favorite positions with complete strangers, I'm not going to show you my boobs or any other part of my body, yes I have a cam but it's no on, I'm not going to turn it on, and I don't want to see your dick on You webcam, I don't answer the "asl" question because it's all on my profile, which you should have been polite enough to look at before you bugged me with the IM window, I don't answer "what do you do for fun" because it's boring, inoriginal, the asker usually doesn't even care, and my life is never fun, so I don't do anything fun anyway, Yes, I'm a loser but I don't care, I'm not interested in how long you are or how wide it is, the pickle jokes are getting old and so are the "I'm white, but I look like a black man from the waist down" things, no, I won't come to Green Bay or Milwaukee of whereever it is you want me to come, of course I'm incredibly insulted if you offer me money, I don't travel, no guy is worth it, who cares if your roommate is lonely and going to be all alone if you leave, I'm sure they'll be able to take care of themselves, who cares if your house is messy, it always has been.
All in all, men are just pissing me off. The whole lot of them are undependable and moronic. I'd like to say I'm swearing off men, but that's not realistic. At times like this, I'd just like to round them all up and slaughter them.
Saturday October 17, 2003
Some people really just need to calm down. Over these past two days, I had a lot of moments where I've just wanted to either 1) Jump off a cliff, 2) Kill someone in a really painful way, or 3) do #2 and then #1. It's been a very long week and, so far, a very long weekend. At work today I got so pissed off three times that I actually had to go into the employee lounge and calm down. That isn't a good thing. Christmas season has barely started. It's going to be a long 2 months.
I wonder what the hell some people are thinking sometimes. The things they do make no sense. I admit, at times I ask myself "what the hell were you thinking?" but most of the time I can conjure up some logical reason for my retardedness. For some though, there's just no explanation. Last night was not one of the better nights in my life. Kind of emotionally harsh. I really could have done without some of the events that took place, but I drank over half a bottle of vodka so I figure I might have killed some of the brain cells that might have retained that stuff. lol. Really though. Some people need to take a chill pill. Others need to take an anti-retard pill (otherwise known as a "get a fucking clue" pill.) I won't even go into the issues I have with chatrooms right now.
Although I am generally disgusted with the male gender, I also have found someone I could probably see a little more of. Not gonna go and get the hopes up yet though. Kinda unpredictable thus far. Unfortunately, there are quite a few guys I could really do without. Too many. And even MORE unfortunately, I just can't seem to get rid of some of them. Grrrr. I can be mean and insulting and bitchy and they still hang all over me like the pathetic losers they are. Argh. Why do those kind of guys seem to be drawn to me? Losers and old men. Ugh. I'm cursed.
Thursday October 15, 2003
Yawn.
Thursday October 9, 2003
We all need a day off every once in a while. In my life, which seems to go at break-neck speeds, a day off doesn't happen very often. Therefore, I make my own days off. I figure it's better to miss one day every once in a while then to go, go, go and make myself sick and miss more days than I should. So yesterday, after developing quite a migraine at work on Tuesday evening, I decided to take an unofficial day off. I slept until noon. Took a shower. Then somehow fell asleep again. Nice...Didn't get anything done, and therefore I don't plan to be sleeping much tonight. Oh well. It happens.
Just a note here: it was about 75 degrees out yesterday. This after 3 or 4 days of freezing (literally) cold. Sigh. Wisconsin sucks.
I should be getting some vacation from K-mart soon. 40 hours of it before November 26th. Fun, fun. Maybe I'll have a weekend off or something. LoL. Yeah, sure. I can dream though. Speaking of dreaming, I would really like to go home and take a nap. I don't think I should do that though. I have way too much homework to get done for tomorrow. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Wednesday October 1, 2003
Yeah. October. This just means that Christmas trees have been up at work for 2 weeks and I have to scrape ice off my windshield in the morning. Yuck. It's supposed to be "10 to 15 degrees below normal" for the next week or so. I love winter. Especially winter in Wisconsin. So pleasant. I'm getting a cold too. I'm all stuffed up and my throat is not too happy. Doesn't help much working at K-mart where apparently unhealthily dry air is en vogue. Seriously. Your lips and skin are completely dried out the second you walk in the door. Having a cold in these conditions is great fun. Constant cough drop consumption is required. Then you get yelled at for "eating on the sales floor." Stupid managers can bite me, dammit. It's either suck on Halls the entire time or die of a sore throat.
I have my first wave of exams in this next week. There's more fun in my life. I'm really not liking my classes, but what can you do? I registered for the spring semester on Monday. Classes I'm taking are posted in the "Classes" section towards the bottom. I had to move some things around from my original plan but I still have all my classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This is especially awesome because this means I'll be able to work full days out at Presto on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and therefore I'll only have to work weekends at K-Mart. That will be excellent. I'll actually be working fewer (42.5) hours, but earning more money. That's how it should work. :-)
Just a wayward comment...with little or no explaination: I find it amazing that I can have older men (I'm talking 40's) dote over me and invite me to their apartment and ask if they can kiss me, yet I can't get guys my own age to give me the time of day. What's up with that? And yeah, the older guys ASK first dumbasses...
That is all.
There are a few things I just don't understand at all. One of them is the guy mentality. So many males are offended when I automatically assume they're telling me I'm hot because they want something. But really, how many times have I been wrong about that? Not many...The second I get ticked off about them always asking to see my boobs or incesessantly asking if I will come to their house or can they come to my house I kind of insinuate that I'm denying them. Then they suddenly go from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde and call me nasty names. Yeah, insulting me is really going to make me change my mind and say, "oh yes, please invade my privacy, come into my home, and fuck my like I've never been fucked before." Puh-leeeeeze.
The whole insult thing is a completely different subject. In the last 24 hours I've been called a bitch (although that's normal), a cunt (not so common), self-absorbed (I know I'm great) and MY personal favorite, and I quote, "chubby redheaded whore." Well at least he didn't tell me I was fat...
Come on guys. It gets really old.
Yes the hair is natural, no I'm not going to tell you if the "carpet matches the curtains," yes, I'm aware that apparently 99% of the male population finds redheaded irresistable and those same 99% appear to think that redheads are good in bed, I'm not going to discuss oral sex or my favorite positions with complete strangers, I'm not going to show you my boobs or any other part of my body, yes I have a cam but it's no on, I'm not going to turn it on, and I don't want to see your dick on You webcam, I don't answer the "asl" question because it's all on my profile, which you should have been polite enough to look at before you bugged me with the IM window, I don't answer "what do you do for fun" because it's boring, inoriginal, the asker usually doesn't even care, and my life is never fun, so I don't do anything fun anyway, Yes, I'm a loser but I don't care, I'm not interested in how long you are or how wide it is, the pickle jokes are getting old and so are the "I'm white, but I look like a black man from the waist down" things, no, I won't come to Green Bay or Milwaukee of whereever it is you want me to come, of course I'm incredibly insulted if you offer me money, I don't travel, no guy is worth it, who cares if your roommate is lonely and going to be all alone if you leave, I'm sure they'll be able to take care of themselves, who cares if your house is messy, it always has been.
All in all, men are just pissing me off. The whole lot of them are undependable and moronic. I'd like to say I'm swearing off men, but that's not realistic. At times like this, I'd just like to round them all up and slaughter them.
Saturday October 17, 2003
Some people really just need to calm down. Over these past two days, I had a lot of moments where I've just wanted to either 1) Jump off a cliff, 2) Kill someone in a really painful way, or 3) do #2 and then #1. It's been a very long week and, so far, a very long weekend. At work today I got so pissed off three times that I actually had to go into the employee lounge and calm down. That isn't a good thing. Christmas season has barely started. It's going to be a long 2 months.
I wonder what the hell some people are thinking sometimes. The things they do make no sense. I admit, at times I ask myself "what the hell were you thinking?" but most of the time I can conjure up some logical reason for my retardedness. For some though, there's just no explanation. Last night was not one of the better nights in my life. Kind of emotionally harsh. I really could have done without some of the events that took place, but I drank over half a bottle of vodka so I figure I might have killed some of the brain cells that might have retained that stuff. lol. Really though. Some people need to take a chill pill. Others need to take an anti-retard pill (otherwise known as a "get a fucking clue" pill.) I won't even go into the issues I have with chatrooms right now.
Although I am generally disgusted with the male gender, I also have found someone I could probably see a little more of. Not gonna go and get the hopes up yet though. Kinda unpredictable thus far. Unfortunately, there are quite a few guys I could really do without. Too many. And even MORE unfortunately, I just can't seem to get rid of some of them. Grrrr. I can be mean and insulting and bitchy and they still hang all over me like the pathetic losers they are. Argh. Why do those kind of guys seem to be drawn to me? Losers and old men. Ugh. I'm cursed.
Thursday October 15, 2003
Yawn.
Thursday October 9, 2003
We all need a day off every once in a while. In my life, which seems to go at break-neck speeds, a day off doesn't happen very often. Therefore, I make my own days off. I figure it's better to miss one day every once in a while then to go, go, go and make myself sick and miss more days than I should. So yesterday, after developing quite a migraine at work on Tuesday evening, I decided to take an unofficial day off. I slept until noon. Took a shower. Then somehow fell asleep again. Nice...Didn't get anything done, and therefore I don't plan to be sleeping much tonight. Oh well. It happens.
Just a note here: it was about 75 degrees out yesterday. This after 3 or 4 days of freezing (literally) cold. Sigh. Wisconsin sucks.
I should be getting some vacation from K-mart soon. 40 hours of it before November 26th. Fun, fun. Maybe I'll have a weekend off or something. LoL. Yeah, sure. I can dream though. Speaking of dreaming, I would really like to go home and take a nap. I don't think I should do that though. I have way too much homework to get done for tomorrow. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Wednesday October 1, 2003
Yeah. October. This just means that Christmas trees have been up at work for 2 weeks and I have to scrape ice off my windshield in the morning. Yuck. It's supposed to be "10 to 15 degrees below normal" for the next week or so. I love winter. Especially winter in Wisconsin. So pleasant. I'm getting a cold too. I'm all stuffed up and my throat is not too happy. Doesn't help much working at K-mart where apparently unhealthily dry air is en vogue. Seriously. Your lips and skin are completely dried out the second you walk in the door. Having a cold in these conditions is great fun. Constant cough drop consumption is required. Then you get yelled at for "eating on the sales floor." Stupid managers can bite me, dammit. It's either suck on Halls the entire time or die of a sore throat.
I have my first wave of exams in this next week. There's more fun in my life. I'm really not liking my classes, but what can you do? I registered for the spring semester on Monday. Classes I'm taking are posted in the "Classes" section towards the bottom. I had to move some things around from my original plan but I still have all my classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This is especially awesome because this means I'll be able to work full days out at Presto on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and therefore I'll only have to work weekends at K-Mart. That will be excellent. I'll actually be working fewer (42.5) hours, but earning more money. That's how it should work. :-)
Just a wayward comment...with little or no explaination: I find it amazing that I can have older men (I'm talking 40's) dote over me and invite me to their apartment and ask if they can kiss me, yet I can't get guys my own age to give me the time of day. What's up with that? And yeah, the older guys ASK first dumbasses...
That is all.
Friday, September 05, 2003
September 2003
Thursday September 25, 2003
I wish I had someone who would take care of all the annoying things that one has to do in life. I would totally pay someone to take my car to get an oil change every 3,000 miles. I hate doing that. The whole concept of some guy under my car messing with stuff while I'm sitting there is freaky. (And, yes, I know I could just get out of the car while they're doing it, but that's too much work.) I would also just love to have someone do basically everything for my car except drive it. I hate cars. I know nothing about cars, nor do I have any desire to become educated in any way in that subject.
I need to marry a mechanic...or at least have a life-long affair with one...
Good plan, Martha. *pats self on back*
I also have this fear of creepy crawly things. Bugs in general, I'd say. I think it's more than just the normal, everyday "girly" thing. Tuesday morning, there was this icky thing crawling on the bathroom floor. Scared the hell out of me. I'd love to have someone on-site to kill bugs for me. A live in exterminator or something. Luckily, I had finished the bottle of shampoo in the shower and proceeded to club the bug to death. Smooshed it into the floor actually. So gross. Then I had to clean up the guts. Ewwwww. Now here comes the irrational part. For the rest of the time I was in that bathroom, not only could I feel the presence of the bug's ghost, but I was fully expecting an angry mob of his friends and family to swarm out and kill me. This is why I don't kill bugs.
So I guess I really need to marry a mechanic exterminator.
There are so many other things I'd like to just have someone else do for me. Like making hotel reservations or flight arrangements. How annoying are those things? I dislike doing them immensely. I have to fly down to Charleston in December and I'm not looking forward to having to buy tickets. Don't get the wrong idea - I ADORE flying. If I could go everywhere in an airplane, I would. I just hate the logistics of making reservations.
I also don't like going to the bank. Direct Deposit is awesome. Maybe it's just because the people over at the main branch of UWO CU hate me. I'm serious. I'm not really quite sure why. I did bitch the one lady out once, but they deserved it. I mean, they sent my debit card all the way out to NY to my mom's house. How does that make any sense when my permanent address is in Oshkosh? Duh...so apparently they can't send the debit card to a PO Box, but they can send the credit card there. Makes sense to me. Idiots...They kept changing my address without my knowing about it. Very annoying. It also happened to be around the same time my "guy" took off on me and my mother put my dog to sleep and I had to move out to Neenah. I was an emotional wreck and therefore probably didn't go about it in the best way, but oh well. I'm a redhead. I get to blow up every once in a while. Have to live up to my temper expectations.
I generally avoid doing all these above things until I absolutely have to. Yeah, my tailight has been burned out for over a year. The last time I changed my oil was back in probably April. Sigh.
Well, it's been almost a month since the crap went down. I can't say I'm really too sorry about what happened. I do miss certain things, but overall I think my life is a lot less stressful and I'm generally a happier person. Considering my usual level of happiness, that's not really saying much though. Still not too impressed with men. I'm kinda tired of the "I like redheads, you're hot" line. BORING. Plus, it's a lie. I'm not stupid.
Tuesday September 23, 2003
I feel like crap. My body is rebelling. How rude. Sure, I pigged out on McDonald's last night and it probably didn't appreciate that, but who cares? Grrrrr. Still nothing much going on in Marthaland...my life is contently boring. As much as I may complain to everyone all the time about how I never do anything and people hate me, I'm really ok with that. I'd much rather sit at home and watch TV then go to a stupid, loud concert or have stupid, retarded conversations with mental deficients. I have chatrooms for that, and I don't even have to leave my room!
I somewhat, maybe, half-heartedly and not really too sincerely apologize for my behavior in the last week or so. PMS really messed with you. It's tons of fun for me, of course, but has the tendency to catch other people off guard. Yeah, I'm horny all the time. It happens. But just because I say I want to get laid doesn't mean I have any intention of that actually happening. I'm pretty happy with my quasi-celibate state. Guys just cause way too many problems so that most the time, it's not worth it.
Wednesday September 17, 2003So. I really have nothing to say. I don't know quite why I'm even bothering to type this now...not even really boredom. Maybe it's just because I've found myself alone at work. Everyone else has gone home. Not that I have nothing to do. There are many things I should be doing here right now. But I'm not doing them. Couldn't tell ya why either. I want to go home, but I guess I've got another 10 minutes in order to get my 4 hours in. Although, since no one else is here, no one would notice if I left early. It's just the principal though I guess. Sigh. I have lots to do tonight. I want to get some of the homework out of the way so I have less to do this weekend. Not that I'd do it anyway...Argh.
Tuesday September 16, 2003
So, I'm skipping class right now. I just couldn't bring myself to go onto campus today. I have a headache and I think I pinched a nerve somewhere in my ass because my whole left leg hurts. I opted to stay here and do some other homework. No really. I'm serious. I've done my finance problems and I fully intend to read some Government crap. Ucky. I'd actually just like to take a nap. I got a decent amount of sleep last night (6 hours or so) but I still am tired. Yawn.
Ok. In all honesty, I'm kind of horny right now, and in case you haven't noticed, have been for a little while now. I'm actually skipping class in the hope that I'll find some guy who will come over and mess with me. Not working too well though. Darn...
Monday September 15, 2003
Woo! Long time, no write. That's because I'm busy! Duh... This whole internet thing is addicting. I spent most of my weekend doing nothing. I mean, chatting online. Same thing, right? LoL. So anyway, let's do a little recap, shall we?
Classes still suck. Hasn't improved at all in the last 2 weeks. I think it may have actually gotten worse. I don't know how this happened, but I ended up with all of my professors being "old" men. Ugh. Why? I'd even take women over old guys. And unfortunately, some of them think it's funny to constantly use their age as an excuse for stupidity. Also, a few of them think they're funny, but they're really being assholes. And that's just annoying. It's going to be a long semester. Yay.
Work is the same as always. Inventory time over at K-Mart. The scheduling there has been kind of messed up lately, but whatever. I'm still employed, so I won't complain. My class schedule doesn't make any of it too convenient. Stupid Business French. Speaking of French, the first French Club meeting is a week from today. We'll have to see how many people show up this semester. Can't be much worse then the last, uhm, 3...people suck.
Hmmm. What else? I had quite a few wild times in the last weeks. This prompted me to go to Wal-Mart and buy a whole gallon of big dill pickles. Check it out:
That should keep me busy for awhile.
Ok, in all reality, that had nothing to do with anything. I just wanted to show all of you my HUGE pickles. More on the cam later, I'm sure.
Wednesday September 3, 2003
Yawn. 8:00 classes are just wrong. Must have been a man who came up with that idea...(ooh, trash talking already. Ya know it's gonna be a good day.) I've had only one class so far and I have this feeling it's going to be a very long semester. The professor thinks he's being witty and fun, but I see him as more of a prick. Great. I just hate people who think they're funny, but really are just assholes. Oh well. At least the class doesn't appear to be difficult. I'll just have to curb my sarcasm as much as possible when doing the assignments.
FYI everyone - I work for a damn good company. Reynolds/Presto Products were voted "best in class" by PLBuyer magazine. Woo! Read about it here.
So, besides being very tired, having no time to do anything and having the feeling that this semester is going to suck, things are good. I have a hot date tonight, so that's pretty cool. LoL. Granted, this hot date is with a guy I work with at K-Mart. He wants me to teach him how to use his computer. :-) Since I've been using computers practically since birth and I sit in front of one for hours every day, I think I'll do a decent job. I rock.
I think that's about all I have to say right now. I plan to post some new pics this evening, if I get around to it. Maybe some nekkid ones...
Tuesday September 2, 2003
Good God. The insanity that I sometimes call my life continues. This weekend was interesting, to say the least. I might as well start with late Thursday night since that explains some of my other actions throughout the weekend. Those that can be explained at all, anyways. So, Thursday night, perhaps early Friday morning, I sent that lengthy e-mail to John. (BTW, have heard absolutely nothing since I sent it. Is that a good sign or a bad sign...) Spent all day Friday at work, just kinda zoned out. Between being tired and just not being in the greatest of moods, I probably didn't accomplish much. I really don't even remember. In any case, I came home and starting drinking the minute I stepped in the door. I was passed out by about 8:30 PM. I do good.
So I woke up Saturday morning around 8. I proceeded to eat bad food and watch the Dawson's Creek series finale, which I had taped back in June or whenever. Not the greatest thing to watch when you're all depressed in the first place. Needless to say, I spent a few hours bawling and had a hard time taking a shower. Then it was off to K-Mart for the evening. I didn't do too well there either, but I survived even though I was all alone on the floor after 6. Came home and went to sleep.
Now here's where it gets interesting.
Sunday, I worked 9-5 and once again I was alone on the floor until 1:30. Fun, fun. David showed up around 4:45 (or at least that's when I noticed him there.) :-) He was all mysterious about going to get some iced tea and informed me that he'd be back at 5. I have to admit, I was kinda suspicious...but, whatever. I punched out as early as I could and went and bought our microwave. (Sweet.) David showed up again right before I left the parking lot. We got back to the apartment, where he presented me with a rose and a big Hershey bar. Awwwww. I think he wanted to show me that all guys are not scum. He did a pretty good job. (More on that later... tee hee.)
So, we hung out for awhile and then decided we were hungry. We got a DiGiorno pizza. They're pretty yummy. Then we proceeded to start drinking. And drink we did...Meanwhile, I was online chatting with people. One of the guys I had met a little while earlier was completely trashed and suggested that he come over and hang out with me. He was slighty disappointed when I informed him that I already had a guy over here. I suggested that he come over anyway. Hey, I'm not going to complain about having 2 guys instead of 1. In all honesty, I didn't expect him to go for that. I also didn't expect him to remember where I lived. He surprised me on both counts and showed up at my door a little bit later.
So, I ended up with two guys, both slightly drunk, as was I, in my room. Hmmm. What to do...
Cory got slightly annoyed that I was continuing to chat with people online when he was there. So I turned the computer screen off and plopped down on the bed.
So, just in case you've missed anything thus far, at this point it was drunken me and two drunken guys, laying on my bed...
I think you see where this is going...
Ahem.
Unfortunately, things didn't go as well as they could have. One of the guys was just too far gone before he even got here that he was really not of much use. He ended up passing out and falling off the bed. That was good for quite a laugh and I'm still snickering as I write it now. But luckily he didn't pass out before I could get them all naked and have a little fun with them. Since the one guy was just dead to the world, that left the other one and me to entertain ourselves. We went to sleep around 5:30 or so. Didn't sleep much though because the drunk guy snored and then started talking in his sleep.
So, he woke up around 10, suggested we pick up where he apparently thought we had stopped (well, where HE had stopped, or remembered stopping.) We just kinda laughed at him and he decided to leave. Made a ceremoniously great deal out of getting dressed...Some people's children...So that left David and me alone again. We spent the rest of the day doing nothing. Ok, so I was watching episode after episode of "Law & Order" and David was giving me evil looks of boredom. Hey, I told him to just entertain himself by looking at my boobs but he didn't seem to go for that. Men. They're never happy. And I even cooked lunch...
Whew. So David left out of boredom (and his cat) around 5 or so. And there ended my totally eventful weekend. I went to sleep early and woke up this morning all fresh and renewed. Or not. But it's ok.
I have to admit, I did think about John every once in a while. But not as much as I expected to. Although I was apparently otherwise occupied quite a bit, I guess. I truly didn't expect to hear from him after I sent him the letter anyway. I always have that thread of optimism that says "Maybe he'll surprise you." Hasn't happened yet and it didn't happen this time. Yup. Predictable. So, I guess I'll have to just see if anything else goes on with that or not. Right now I'm focusing on my classes, which start tomorrow. And work, which I should be doing right now. :-)
Sunday, August 31, 2003
August 2003
Friday August 29, 2003
Yawn. Well, due to some unexpected events, that e-mail was sent late last night/early this morning. We'll see what kind of reaction I get. I plan to get plastered tonight. It probably won't happen, but that's still my plan. If not tonight, then Sunday night. Maybe both. Maybe I'll be an alcoholic again. Could be fun. I'm just tired. In many ways. I really just want to have a normal relationship. Really, I do. I just don't have the greatest luck in finding guys. I mean, I don't even know what I've been doing for the past year or so. I've been ignoring other guys and avoiding them. And why? Because of some guy who doesn't give a shit about me. Just doesn't make sense. Sigh. I'm hoping my spewing my guts to him will be some kind of resolution. I'm tired of feeling like crap all the time.
Moving on.
There's nothing else really going on in my life at this point. Other than the fact that I have NO MONEY and tuition is due and I need to buy my books. Dammit I hate money. Especially since I never have any. I also plan to be freakin' crabby for quite awhile so just deal with it. Don't say you're sorry. Don't try and cheer me up. Don't do those annoying "well, I care, screw him" things. I don't want to hear it. I just want to wallow in my self-pity for awhile. And eat lots of chocolate. And vodka. Lots of vodka. Funny story - the last night in France this one guy brought out his camcorder to get everyone on tape. He turns to me and says, "So, what do you have to say about this trip?" I think my reply was something like, "(Martha holding up bottle) Vodka. Couldn't have stood all you people and this place without vodka." Aaahh. Spoken like the true alcoholic I am. Sigh. I think I'm gonna have to start drinking beer though because vodka is too expensive. Or maybe not. I don't need to eat. I'll spend food money on liquor. There we go. Good plan.
Here's another warning. We're entering the time of year where I always seem to get all down in the dumps for some reason. Haven't figured it out yet. So, yes, I'm going to be crabby and bitchy and depressed for awhile. Granted, it doesn't help that there's shit going down right now. I could really do without that. But don't expect me to be cheerful and optimistic. Not that I ever am...I'll just be even less that then normal. I've had to learn to deal with my irrational mood swings and manic-depressive tendencies. You will too.
Thursday August 28, 2003
Well, less than a week until classes start. I must say I'm kind of relieved to hear that. This summer has been outrageously weird and busy. I'm looking forward to returning to semi-normalcy. I've been doing some clean-up work the last few days since I've had the evenings off. Not clean-up as in washing things and sweeping. More like "emotional" clean-up. I think it's time to do another "stress causes removal." I did a similar thing about 2 years ago. Determined to get rid of things in my life that were causing me too much stress. Most of those things turned out to be people. I think this is the case once again. I don't purposely choose to surround myself with people who are bad for me. It just kind of ends up that way. I've already started to compose a letter to the main person this concerns. I intended it to be an e-mail that would inform him of what I'm going through. As it stands now, it has turned into a 3 page letter. And I'm not done yet. Ironically enough, I'm pretty sure he won't even take the time to read it. So I don't know why I'm bothering to write it since it's just getting me all worked up. I think it's healthier then suffering through it though. At least this way he won't have an excuse for being ignorant about some things.
I plan to send him my thoughts on Saturday. We'll have to see what kind of response I'll get (if any.) For the past few days I've just sat here at work for 8 hours, gone home and sat in from of my computer there for a while and then gone to sleep. Fascinating life. Oh wait. I lied. On Tuesday, Bill came over. That was fun. He's got that computer nerd side to him, which I dig. And he introduced me to a completely awesome website - StrongBad...so funny. Plus, lots of his friends work at the porn store...my kind of people. :-)
Plans for the rest of the week are almost as exciting as my week has been so far. Tonight, I'm going to do nothing. Tomorrow, more nothing. Saturday and Sunday, working and then nothing. Oops. I mean Sunday night David is supposed to come up to visit me. He'll stay (on the floor in the living room...lol) at the apartment and then party with me on Labor Day, which, surprisingly I got off. I think K-Mart just doesn't want to pay me the holiday rate. Cheapos. Then Tuesday is my last day of insane hours - my insanest yet actually - 14. Then I go to classes bright and early on Wednesday morning - at the crack of 8 AM. Fun...
Well, I suppose I should be working. I just have no motivation. I went to bed at like 6 yesterday. Got up at 8 and again (sick to my stomach) around 11 and finally about 5:30. Still, that's a lot more sleep than I've been getting lately. Why am I still tired? And hungry. Dying of hunger. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.
Thursday August 21, 2003
Why do I bother? Sometimes I just get extremely frustrated with people. Especially those who are of the male gender. I won't even go into what happened this time. It's the same old thing. I let it keep happening. It is my fault that they piss me off. So, no more. I saw someone's Yahoo! profile the other day and their quote was really good. Can't remember it exactly, but it was something along the lines of "Don't make someone your priority if you're just their convenience." Fits my situation perfectly, don't you think. So that's what I'm going to do. No more of this calling him all the time, e-mailing him, practically offering up a sacrifice to his gods in order to get him to hang out with me. If he really wanted to be around me, it wouldn't take so much convincing. Also, if he wanted to be with me, he has a phone and a computer and is perfectly capable of using them. So, until he gets off his ass and decides I'm worth the teensiest effort, I won't see or hear from him. I expect to not see him for quite a while. He has no problem not seeing me. He has a talent. Which is another major problem. He goes out of his way to NOT see me, yet continuously tells me he likes being with me, would like to be with me more.
DUMBASS. GIVE ME A BREAK.
You don't think I can't see through that one by now? I'm tired of working my ass off to make you like me. I deserve something more than that. It's a good thing he's not a boyfriend because if he ever was, he would no longer be that. He's also not a "friend with benefits" or a "fuck buddy" because if he had that distinction, he'd be a very bad one. He's not around enough to be that for me. Instead he's just floating around in the limbo of relationships. Sometimes I'm not even sure if he's a friend at all. Sometimes I think I'm feeling something a lot more. Then I come to my senses when he blows me off because his elbow hurts. (Yup, that was the latest excuse. He's not even trying to make them plausible anymore.)
But anyway. Classes start in about 2 weeks. Fun, fun. Work is just as it was when I left. Keeping me busy and all. The new apartment is pretty nice. Pain in the ass to move and get settled, but now that that's done and over with, I'm pretty happy with my life right now. Exception: men suck still, although at this point, I'm doing just fine without them. I plan to continue in this fashion for awhile, contrary to what I may say in chatrooms :-)
That is all.
Yawn. Well, due to some unexpected events, that e-mail was sent late last night/early this morning. We'll see what kind of reaction I get. I plan to get plastered tonight. It probably won't happen, but that's still my plan. If not tonight, then Sunday night. Maybe both. Maybe I'll be an alcoholic again. Could be fun. I'm just tired. In many ways. I really just want to have a normal relationship. Really, I do. I just don't have the greatest luck in finding guys. I mean, I don't even know what I've been doing for the past year or so. I've been ignoring other guys and avoiding them. And why? Because of some guy who doesn't give a shit about me. Just doesn't make sense. Sigh. I'm hoping my spewing my guts to him will be some kind of resolution. I'm tired of feeling like crap all the time.
Moving on.
There's nothing else really going on in my life at this point. Other than the fact that I have NO MONEY and tuition is due and I need to buy my books. Dammit I hate money. Especially since I never have any. I also plan to be freakin' crabby for quite awhile so just deal with it. Don't say you're sorry. Don't try and cheer me up. Don't do those annoying "well, I care, screw him" things. I don't want to hear it. I just want to wallow in my self-pity for awhile. And eat lots of chocolate. And vodka. Lots of vodka. Funny story - the last night in France this one guy brought out his camcorder to get everyone on tape. He turns to me and says, "So, what do you have to say about this trip?" I think my reply was something like, "(Martha holding up bottle) Vodka. Couldn't have stood all you people and this place without vodka." Aaahh. Spoken like the true alcoholic I am. Sigh. I think I'm gonna have to start drinking beer though because vodka is too expensive. Or maybe not. I don't need to eat. I'll spend food money on liquor. There we go. Good plan.
Here's another warning. We're entering the time of year where I always seem to get all down in the dumps for some reason. Haven't figured it out yet. So, yes, I'm going to be crabby and bitchy and depressed for awhile. Granted, it doesn't help that there's shit going down right now. I could really do without that. But don't expect me to be cheerful and optimistic. Not that I ever am...I'll just be even less that then normal. I've had to learn to deal with my irrational mood swings and manic-depressive tendencies. You will too.
Thursday August 28, 2003
Well, less than a week until classes start. I must say I'm kind of relieved to hear that. This summer has been outrageously weird and busy. I'm looking forward to returning to semi-normalcy. I've been doing some clean-up work the last few days since I've had the evenings off. Not clean-up as in washing things and sweeping. More like "emotional" clean-up. I think it's time to do another "stress causes removal." I did a similar thing about 2 years ago. Determined to get rid of things in my life that were causing me too much stress. Most of those things turned out to be people. I think this is the case once again. I don't purposely choose to surround myself with people who are bad for me. It just kind of ends up that way. I've already started to compose a letter to the main person this concerns. I intended it to be an e-mail that would inform him of what I'm going through. As it stands now, it has turned into a 3 page letter. And I'm not done yet. Ironically enough, I'm pretty sure he won't even take the time to read it. So I don't know why I'm bothering to write it since it's just getting me all worked up. I think it's healthier then suffering through it though. At least this way he won't have an excuse for being ignorant about some things.
I plan to send him my thoughts on Saturday. We'll have to see what kind of response I'll get (if any.) For the past few days I've just sat here at work for 8 hours, gone home and sat in from of my computer there for a while and then gone to sleep. Fascinating life. Oh wait. I lied. On Tuesday, Bill came over. That was fun. He's got that computer nerd side to him, which I dig. And he introduced me to a completely awesome website - StrongBad...so funny. Plus, lots of his friends work at the porn store...my kind of people. :-)
Plans for the rest of the week are almost as exciting as my week has been so far. Tonight, I'm going to do nothing. Tomorrow, more nothing. Saturday and Sunday, working and then nothing. Oops. I mean Sunday night David is supposed to come up to visit me. He'll stay (on the floor in the living room...lol) at the apartment and then party with me on Labor Day, which, surprisingly I got off. I think K-Mart just doesn't want to pay me the holiday rate. Cheapos. Then Tuesday is my last day of insane hours - my insanest yet actually - 14. Then I go to classes bright and early on Wednesday morning - at the crack of 8 AM. Fun...
Well, I suppose I should be working. I just have no motivation. I went to bed at like 6 yesterday. Got up at 8 and again (sick to my stomach) around 11 and finally about 5:30. Still, that's a lot more sleep than I've been getting lately. Why am I still tired? And hungry. Dying of hunger. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.
Thursday August 21, 2003
Why do I bother? Sometimes I just get extremely frustrated with people. Especially those who are of the male gender. I won't even go into what happened this time. It's the same old thing. I let it keep happening. It is my fault that they piss me off. So, no more. I saw someone's Yahoo! profile the other day and their quote was really good. Can't remember it exactly, but it was something along the lines of "Don't make someone your priority if you're just their convenience." Fits my situation perfectly, don't you think. So that's what I'm going to do. No more of this calling him all the time, e-mailing him, practically offering up a sacrifice to his gods in order to get him to hang out with me. If he really wanted to be around me, it wouldn't take so much convincing. Also, if he wanted to be with me, he has a phone and a computer and is perfectly capable of using them. So, until he gets off his ass and decides I'm worth the teensiest effort, I won't see or hear from him. I expect to not see him for quite a while. He has no problem not seeing me. He has a talent. Which is another major problem. He goes out of his way to NOT see me, yet continuously tells me he likes being with me, would like to be with me more.
DUMBASS. GIVE ME A BREAK.
You don't think I can't see through that one by now? I'm tired of working my ass off to make you like me. I deserve something more than that. It's a good thing he's not a boyfriend because if he ever was, he would no longer be that. He's also not a "friend with benefits" or a "fuck buddy" because if he had that distinction, he'd be a very bad one. He's not around enough to be that for me. Instead he's just floating around in the limbo of relationships. Sometimes I'm not even sure if he's a friend at all. Sometimes I think I'm feeling something a lot more. Then I come to my senses when he blows me off because his elbow hurts. (Yup, that was the latest excuse. He's not even trying to make them plausible anymore.)
But anyway. Classes start in about 2 weeks. Fun, fun. Work is just as it was when I left. Keeping me busy and all. The new apartment is pretty nice. Pain in the ass to move and get settled, but now that that's done and over with, I'm pretty happy with my life right now. Exception: men suck still, although at this point, I'm doing just fine without them. I plan to continue in this fashion for awhile, contrary to what I may say in chatrooms :-)
That is all.
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
France Trip 2003
What's Going On? France 2003 Events
Tuesday August 5th, 2003
Every day just seems to get longer. I think everyone is ready to go back home. So many people have been getting sick and going to the doctor lately. The whole not sleeping, eating shitty food thing has caught up with them I guess. I, on the other hand, feel just fine except for that hole in my elbow...don't ask...long story. Funnily enough, not involving a bit of alcohol. Sigh. So goes my life.
I have, admittedly, spent way too much time in the computer lab lately. I've been hanging out in the chat rooms. It amuses me. Plus, the labs are air-conditioned. LoL. I'd really rather hang with people online then the people who are here in front of me. Actually I think I've created some kind of perverted game. I see how long it takes for me to completely annoy the person who IMs me. Lots of times, it doesn't take long. I'm just my normal, ray-of-sunshine self and that seems to bug everyone. Oh well. I have an abrasive personality :-) tee hee. It's just wrong that I get so much pleasure out of making people hate me. Even if they're people I don't know and will never meet. Such power I wield. Muahahahahahahahaha.
Ugh. I still believe that somewhere on this planet lurk the people who are "My People." I know they're not in the mid-west where I live and now I know they're also not in California or Louisiana. Where to try next? Maybe Shara's right and I should just go find a different planet to live on.
Monday August 4th, 2003
I think at this point, my mind and spirit are back in Oshkosh and my body is just here in Montpellier, going through the motions of life. My heart isn't in it. Not that I was ever totally "gung-ho" about this whole thing. With the beginning of the new month, my brain just automatically goes to closing processes and then I just start thinking about work and how I should be there. I've also been obsessing nonstop about moving and my furniture situation. At first, I tried to enjoy being here and not think about all the crap that awaits me back at home. But, having failed miserably at that, I resort to living physically in one place while really being somewhere else. Not that anyone has taken any notice. I've contentedly taken my place once again as the outcast loner. I started the trip as such and have sucessfully done the whole 360 to end up as such. Aaah, life is so predictable.
Being here with very little to accomplish has give me WAY too much time to think. Not about anything in particular, although a few subjects did have a way of reappearing quite regularly. This is why I try to keep myself (insanely) busy. I don't like having the time to ponder things. It's just destructive. But, having this time, it seems like it's unavoidable that I'll go back to Oshkosh a slightly different person. It is not France that changed me. Don't be tricked into thinking that. It was my overzealous thought process that brought some things to my attention. Not to mention that I'm going back to a completely different life. A new house, a new roommate, a different look on my personal/romantic (if you want to call it that) life. I'm not really sure what to make of it all. In some ways these 5 weeks away were probably a good thing. Then again, I'm not sure my life was too bad in the first place. Oh well. Too late now.
I'm just looking forward to getting on that airplane on Friday afternoon, flying across the ocean, bumming around Atlanta for the night and then flying back to Milwaukee Saturday morning where I'll be met by David, who will drive me back to Oshkosh and in a way, back where and with whom I belong for the time being. There is no way I will ever go on any kind of "organized" - and I use that word lightly - trip or study thing such as this. Next time I travel, it will be me and perhaps one person who I can stand to be around for extended periods of time. This whole idea of being around strangers ALL THE TIME for FIVE WEEKS and just having to deal with them is not cool. Traveling alone seems like a much better option for me. I'm still just really pissed off that I spent over $6,000 to come here and be bored and annoyed by people in a crappy dorm with no laundry facilities in a horrible location and above all, not learn one thing of any use. Terribly disappointing. Tant pis. I've learned my lesson I guess. Now I can look forward to going home and paying for this "fun" for the next few months.
Ugh
Wednesday July 30th, 2003
Who knew doing absolutely nothing could be so fulfilling. For the last few days now, I've gone to class, ate lunch, hung out here at the lab for a while and then gone back to the dorm and sat in my room reading or sleeping. And it's been good. Screw socializing. People suck. For the last few days people have been partying and staying up late drinking and such. Blargh. No thanks.
Other than the fact that I'm always tired, nothing much has been going on. Although I could be wrong. I'm sure lots of wonderful events have taken place, but since I wasn't out and about to see them, there's no way that I could recount them to you. Tee hee.
We're at the home stretch now and supposedly I'm now going to realize that there's only a week or so left until we leave and suddenly be racked with panic that I haven't experience all I needed to. Yeah, right. I don't think I'll need to experience any more Turkish toilets or scary food with its eyes still on it. I also don't think I'll miss doing my laundry in the sink that doesn't plug closed. I won't miss the incredibly hot nights with no fan. I won't miss the loud, obnoxious people, I won't miss the rude French people.
Goodness, you'd think there'd be maybe one thing I'd miss, huh? I think I will, in fact, miss the pain au chocolat in the morning as well as the fact that I can lay around here doing nothing, whereas when I return home, I'll be running around like a chicken with its head chopped off for a week. My life sucks.
Monday July 28nd, 2003
This is directed to certain people who had the (mis)fortune to view this site and seemed to not like it too much:
Apparently France is not a free country. Or apparently people are not allowed to express themselves freely here. Or maybe it's just a New Orleans thing. Not being from UNO, I guess that excludes me from that, eh? The internet is a huge, vast area in which ideas and views are shared and communicated. If people can post pictures of midgets screwing horses, I sure as hell can post my thoughts on this program. But to make it seem like I care what the directors of the program think, you'll notice that I added that nice little disclaimer to the front page.
Applause, applause.
With that bull out of the way, let's get back to trashing the program. LoL. In all honesty, that's not at all what I had intented to do. I created this site in order to keep in touch with people back home. This quasi-journal would allow them to, in some way, experience this with me. I also didn't expect this whole experience to be what it has turned out to be. But let's not linger over that issue. This site is not meant to be some great academic project. Nor is it meant to promote UNO's "Glories of France" program (good thing, huh...) It is meant for friends and family back in WI and throughout the US. As the program winds down, it will also be a place where other participants can give their reaction to things and where people can find pictures of this place.
This trip has not been all fun and games. There would be no reason to give everyone the impression that it has been. Why lie? This particular section of this site is my own personal journal. It expresses my opinions and there's nothing anyone can do to change those opinions. If there are people I don't like who are on this trip and I feel like bitching about them, I will. I think it is much healthier to have some kind of outlet for these kind of feelings. I know for a fact that there are many others who feel the way I do about some things. The fact that I have somewhere PUBLIC in which to rant shouldn't be an issue. If you didn't want me saying this, you should have not created situations about which I would bitch.
Ok enough of that. I don't need to justify myself to those kind of people. In 2 weeks we'll be gone and I won't see y'all again. I won't miss you...
Now back to the real world...
Catherine visited this weekend and I think the less said about that, the better. Not that it was bad...We did get out to Collioure though, so I'm happy about that. Unfortunately it rained most of the day. Tant pis. We also saw a movie and I showed her the sights here in Montpellier. That's about it. Other than that we just hunted for food and sat around. Typical. The end is in sight. Only a couple weeks and it'll be back to normal. Looking forward to moving and shopping for furniture. Ugh.
Tuesday July 22nd, 2003
I found a computer in the school's lab that has Yahoo! Messenger on it. Now I'll just have to remember which one it is and always sit there. Tee hee. Now I can save my money and chat all night long too! LoL. Just kidding. I have better things to do with my time. Like sleep. I swear I got about 3 hours of sleep last night - at the most. It was sooooo hot. It's really hard to fall asleep with cicadas chirping and the sweat pouring down your body. I'd sleep naked and all, but who knows what kind of creatures would create some kind of residence in certain areas of my body if they're weren't closely guarded. Ewwwww. In any case, I'm going to be getting some food this afternoon and hopefully catching a bit of a nap also.
Midterms were today. They weren't too bad. Pretty simple actually. But that's definately a good thing. I wouldn't want to ruin my 4.0 French GPA because I went to France...that would be ironic...funny, but slightly annoying.
So, nothing else really earthshaking to report. Just basically hanging out at this point. No travel plans to worry about and nothing I really have to get done. Finding food and eating is incidential. Classes are no problem. My vacation has begun.
:-)
Monday July 21st, 2003
Insanity. Udder insanity. It seems to follow me around like a little lost puppy.
We went to Paris again this past weekend. We were just so thrilled to have a room with air conditioning that we spent the majority of the weekend sleeping in the hotel. Yeah, yeah, I know. What about all the great cultural experiences we missed...whatever. I'd already been there and gone to all the tourist traps. The Eiffel Tower is not suddenly going to get twice as big and be more interesting. Although we did get stuck in a rut. 2 nights in a row we just bought beer and ice cream and sat on the lawn in front of the Eiffel Tower and watched it sparkle on the hour. That was thrilling.
We also went up in this huge hot air ballon and got the bird's eye view of Paris. That was pretty cool. Other than that, we were content to do the French thing of sitting at a café watching people walk by. And sleep. Lots of sleep. And shopping. I bought nothing, being the poor college student that I am. I was just Shara's companion while we were appalled by what the French call "fashion." Seriously, how can people wear those kinds of things and still take themselves so seriously? Everywhere you look is a severe fashion faux pas and the French seem to pride themselves on it.
Of course, I, being the fashion expert that I am, have the authority to pass this kind of judgement.
Bien sur...
This week should be all fun and games again. Tonight we have some kind of guest reader followed by a wine and cheese reception. Hé, ça c'est très français, n'est-ce pas? Tuesday is the beach bus (on which I will not be) and then some big red beans and rice dinner thingy. That's a New Orleans thing I guess...bof. Wednesday is a field trip to Avignon. That papal city where the bridge stops in the middle of the river. Makes perfect sense to me. The religious leaders would get drunk on the sacremental wine and then wander off the end of the bridge into the river and drown. Seems appropriate... Aaaahhhh!!! The blasphemy!!!
Tee hee hee.
Catherine should be arriving here some time on Thursday, although I have not yet heard from her. I suppose I'll call them again this evening. Most everyone else is going on the optional weekend excursion, so I expect this weekend with her to be relatively uneventful. I'm hoping to maybe hop a train to Collioure so I can show her the wonders of the most beautiful city on the planet. Only 10€80 one way. That's très bon marché. Much better than the 83€-something for Paris. Spent too much money...so poor...
And now, some more riveting social commentary from Martha:Ok, it's not like I intentionally go into new things to see how long it will take before pretty much everyone hates me and I'm ostrasized from the group. This kind of thing really happens naturally. I have that kind of personality. This past weekend added to the list of people who don't talk to me, and more importantly (or not) talk about me behind my back. I truly feel sorry for them. Not because they no longer want to be in my presence (and that's a shame), but because they have nothing better to do than talk crap about me. Get a life. Grow up. I don't waste my time trashing people or worrying about what they think about me. If they don't like me, fine. That's really not my problem.
But this is not my point. I seem to be surrounded by petty people who find a creepy kind of pleasure in talking crap on a regular basis. I, for one, want no part in this. I don't want to hear it and I don't want to be asked about it later by someone else, possibly the person who was being trashed. So I've flat out told everyone that I will have no part in this continous battle of "He said, she said." We are not in France to have stupid arguments and try to one-up each other in a battle of wits. Trust me, if we were, I'd win anyways ;-)
This ends the social commentary. Thank you for your attention.
Tuesday July 15th, 2003
Hmmmm. Ever see those movies where they show the lovely brochure of some great vacation spot, and then when they get there, it's nothing like the brochure and it absolutely SUCKS? Not that I'm saying that I'm having that kind of experience...but...let's make a list of bad things that have happened so far:
Laundry: There are 3 washers and 1 dryer in the basement of the dorm. 2 of the washers don't work. Not that it would matter anyways, since you can fit about 2 shirts into the teeny tiny things. The dryer (the ONLY dryer), does not function at all. So, they suggest getting woolite type detergent and doing your wash by hand in the sink in you room. A few problems with that:1) My sink's drain does not go down to plug it. I tried it and it got stuck closed.2) I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to that laundry soap. I've been itching continously...3) The clothes don't dry overnight, no matter how dry they claim the climate is. It does NOT suck the water out of the clothes. Total bull. So you have clothes laying around the room all the time and by the time they're dry, you have ten million other things to wash and the cycle starts over again.So today we take a pilgrimage to the laudromat.
Food:There's a reason that people starting living in urban areas and hunting and gathering lifestyle kind of lost popularity. It's obnoxious spending every waking hour looking for food and always wondering where your next meal is going to come from. The dorm in which we live is in no way "centrally located." One must walk at least 5 blocks to get to any place with food, and that place is a tiny pizza joint. Centre Ville is more than a mile away and the closest supermarket is almost that far too. Buses run pretty consistently, but they stop at 8:30PM. This French idea of eating late and spending 4 hours on a meal doesn't work out too well when you have time restraints. It's not that we WANT to be rude Americans. We just don't want to have to walk a mile back to the dorm at 10PM.
And what is up with the rock hard bread and the creepy love of ham?
Bathrooms:Do French people collect toilet seats, because there never seem to be any on their toilets. That's just WEIRD.
OK, enough for now. I have better things to be doing than complaining. Like doing laundry or hunting for dinner...
Thursday July 10th, 2003
It's not that I'm being anti-social. Really, I'm trying very hard NOT to do that. I'd just rather hang out in the computer lab for 2 or 3 hours a day instead of being outside in the sun or in the (scary) dorm room where it's hot. It's a perfectly logical choice. Now if only everyone else would leave, I'd be happy. I don't want to mess with the computers and my camera when there are lots of other people here. Might look a little suspcious. I don't know what kind of security or freedom the students have with the computers here. They don't even have printers here, so probably not too much, eh?
Wednesday July 9th, 2003
Well the computer labs at the university are open, but they're not too great considering the password we were given didn't work so I just stole a computer that was already logged in. Heh, heh. It works, right? We've been given a lot of misinformation thus far. Sometimes it makes us wonder if these "guides" really have any idea what they're doing...
We went to the beach yesterday. It was ok, but nothing like Collioure. I'd like to possibly go there at some point. Maybe when Catherine comes. We're going to check out the train schedules and prices this afternoon and make some Italy plans. Sweet. In any case, things are still enjoyable despite the ignorance of the organizers. 5 weeks is really kind of a long time, but it seems to be going pretty slow, which is very cool. I have a lot more that I want to do before I have to leave. I'm getting pretty good at these keyboards too. Peut etre c'est plus facile d'écrire en francais quand on a une ordinateur francaise. Nope, guess not. LoL. I still plan to get to the café again to use chat access. And download/upload pictures. Look for me there around 2 or 3 PM sometime. Woo!
Monday July 7th, 2003
Well, I've found an internet cafe, so guess where I'll be spending a lot of nights (and euros.) LoL. These keyboards will take some getting used to, but it's been fun...I don't think the camera/photo album deal is going to work, but I'll still give it a shot next time I come in here. It's very reasonable - .90 euros/1/2 hr. So, this is limited, but check back...lots more to come. I'm having tons of fun so far. Woo! (It took me like a minute to find that exclamation point...) It's great!
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