Hmm...

So, we revisited the Toyota dealership this afternoon/evening to get an appraisal on my trade-in. They're going to give me $2,300 for that piece of crap! I was highly surprised and pleased. I figure what they don't know won't hurt them :) Plus they're knocking off another couple hundred the price "just cuz" and bringing it to $100 over invoice. I'm pleased. I should have the car by Friday evening or Saturday morning. Yay. Go to hell, Saturn!

On to more perplexing things. So, after the dealership stay (which turned into about 2 hours when it was all said and done) we stopped at KFC for some dinner and took it back to his house. For the first time, his parents were there. They had always been at work or asleep or on vacation when I was there before. They seem nice enough. His mom walked into the kitchen, looked at me, and said, "Martha, right?" Hmmm. Does this mean he talks about me to his parents? Interesting. Of course, this could just be me being psycho again.

Another point to ponder: the other night we were chatting online and talking about weird dreams. I told him I always preferred dirty dreams to just plain weird ones. He confessed that he's had a recurring dirty dream that involves me. But he won't tell me what it is. I threatened to torture it out of him and all he could say is, "That might be fun." I'll make him tell me someday. But in the meantime, I'm dying of curiousity.

Woo

So, we're going up to the dealership this afternoon to let them take a look at my Saturn and give me a trade-in value. Hopefully I'll have the new car by Saturday. 2005 Toyota Corolla LE in Indigo Ink Pearl (Bright Blue)

I can't figure out how to post the damn picture. It's in my photobucket album though.

Well, Ive got to get to work now.

Ouch

Yeah, so I threw my back out this weekend. Not even doing anything fun, although maybe I should tell people it was so it's a better story. Truth is, I'm not sure what happened. Was just sitting there on the futon, got up, went crack and was in extreme pain. Spent most of yesterday on my back - once again, not in a fun way. Ugh. Today was better, but still painful. Yay drugs!

So, why is nobody commenting on any of my posts. It leads me to believe either no one reads this, no one cares what I'm writing, or what I'm writing is so dumb that no one can bring themselves to comment on it. In any case, get on it people! Why do you think I activated comments and ask questions? They're not ALL rhetorical. And even if you do answer one that was meant to be rhetorical, it will still be entertaining because then I can make fun of you.

Anywho, I got the new monitor last night. Tooks pics of it which are now on my website. You'll notice the photo album now bounces you to photobucket. I'm trying to get as much crap off the geocities server so I can do more with the website. Eventually.

But for now, back to cold pizza, beer, and brain-numbing tv.

Comment!!!! Comment!!!

How are fortune cookies so smart?

So, we ordered Chinese last night and you always get a fortune cookie along with the other, artery clogging food (but no MSG!) So, we actually got three. We both opened one last night and then I opened the third one this morning. Ok, so my forture last night read something like "You tend to not let people see the real you." (I can't find it right now. Perhaps I threw it away... My fortune this morning says "Change is happening in your life, so go with the flow." What is that about? *sigh*

I had a dream last night

It was weird. I don't know quite what it means. Background info - guy from previous entry told me if he couldn't sleep or woke up early, he'd call me and maybe come over.

Anyway, so, in my dream, I wake up and check my cell phone to see if he's called me. He hasn't, but I do have a text message from him. It says something like "____ has had a car accident. He was on his way to visit his girlfriend when he lost control of his car. He is ok, but broke both his legs." I start panicking and call him. He answers, sounding all drugged up. I ask him how he is and he says "fine." It's at about this time I realize that there was a mention of a girlfriend. Was this me? Then I realized he hadn't called me, so why would he be on his way here. Then I think - perhaps he has a girlfriend and hadn't told me? So I ask him, "Do you have a girlfriend?" No answer. I ask again. Then I get mad. "Who is she? Where does she live?" I ask. He still says nothing. At about this point, I'm in my college dorm for some reason and I bump into my former roommate (the crappy one who ran off with her ugly-ass internet boyfriend) and I drop a ton of quarters all over for some reason. My phone loses the signal and hangs up. I get up to my room and call him back. Someone else (his dad, presumably) answers the phone. I ask to speak to ___. He says "He's not here. He just went out for a bit." I say "Bullshit. He's got two broken legs! Where the hell would he be going? Let me talk to him." So he gets on the phone and I ask him again, "Who is this girlfriend?" He tells me that his dad sent that text message to me but, yes, he does have a girlfriend, but things weren't going so well between them. I told him I was tired of being the other woman. He needed to decide whether he wanted to try and salvage that relationship or end that and be more committed to me. I said it like I didn't really care which one he chose, when really, I wanted him to choose me.

Then I woke up.

What the hell do you suppose that means?

So, another Valentine's Day...

In honor of Valentine's Day I will write this entire post in a hideous shade of red.

So, I sit here, alone, in my pajamas, spending yet another Valentine's Day alone, single, and doing nothing. Wait, I take that back. Two years ago I conned John into taking me out. This only worked because he forgot that it was Valentine's Day until he tried to find some restaurant that wasn't packed. He proceeded to get crabby and finally just pulled into whatever place came next. It happened to be a pretty good Chinese place. He messed with his rings and somehow managed to make his finger swell up and had to yank his ring off, make a big scene for ice, complain, complain. He then made a big deal out of how he hurt himself and I don't even think I got laid...don't remember...*sigh* Those were the good days. And I wonder why he never took me anywhere? But that is all in the past.

As for the present/future, who knows? I know I'm just trying to ignore my current situation. I have a guy who I really seem to enjoy being around. I think he enjoys my company too. I just don't want to misinterpret things and mess things up. This kind of goes against the premise of our entire relationship. I came into it with my "I don't date, I like being a free agent having my independence" and he was good with that. But now, I don't know. He calls me everyday, he e-mails me multiple times a day, he has been over here almost everyday. This should annoy me. But it doesn't.

This concerns me.

I don't know why I like him so much. There are so many reasons why I should run away screaming. But I'm not. Why am I not running? This is what I want to know. Argh. I mean, I'm on the phone with him right now. Talking about some TV show where some guy lit a firework on July 4th and blew his balls off. Yeah. And I don't even care what we're talking about. *sigh*

So messed up.

Wow. This is ridiculous. How can an entire week go by and I find I've accomplished nothing? Well, ok, last night I washed my sheets from my bed (which had been sitting on the floor for about 3 weeks), did my dishes (not quite 3 weeks there, but still...a while...) and went grocery shopping. More like "beer shopping" since 1/2 of my purchase was Miller Lite. I don't know. I get the feeling I'm sounding like a broken record. I keep saying this. But seriously. Where does the time go? I'm only at work for 8 hours. There are 24 hours in a day. Even if I slept for 10 (trusting my math is correct), I should theoretically still have 6 hours there to do stuff. And one would think that a lot could be accomplished in this 6 hours. It's not like I'm watching a lot of tv. I'm not even online chatting. I don't know what I'm doing. I could blame it on Adam. Watching movies consumes a lot of time I suppose. I don't know. I have issues.

So, I've been officially employed full-time for a month now. It's still not bad. I'm used to the hour lunch now and I wonder how I ever went without it. :) Some days seem to drag on endlessly, but others flit by so fast. I'm still up in the air about Kmart. I like working there (sometimes) and extra money is always nice, but working 7 days a week sucks. And I'm doing it voluntarily. They keep scheduling me full 8 1/2 hour days. No! I want like 4 hours in the morning. None of this 12:30-9 shit. Ugh. We'll see. That's all I can say.

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Ya know, it's weird. I think more people have said in person/e-mailed/given a card "Happy Birthday" to me today than did that same thing for my last 5 birthdays combined. I feel so popular...It's kind of odd. I spent all day at work today. A long day, let me tell you. I'm going out in a bit but I'm not sure exactly what we're doing for the evening. I know I'm shorting myself sleep. I've been doing that for about two weeks straight now. It's dumb and I know it's going to catch up with me, but I find myself continually doing fun stuff and sleeping just seems to waste time.

Ooh, I got my new TV last night. 27" flat screen with surround sound. Fancy, eh? It's better than the crappy 13", that's for sure. Funnily enough, my antenna doesn't work on it. So I have this big, high quality TV and I can't watch TV on it. But with the little TV in the bedroom I now get FIVE channels. Yep, five! In addition to the FOX, NBC, PBS, and religious channel (which I have a feeling would come in even WITHOUT the antenna), I now get UPN as well. Woo! Eventually I suppose I'll end up getting cable. It really doesn't seem worth the money though. *sigh* Decisions.

I also received my health insurance card this afternoon so it's time to do everything I've been putting off for the the last...hmm...5 years. First stop is the eye doctor. I would like to try contacts, but I'm afraid that I've spent so much time with glasses that it would just be too weird to have a naked face. Plus, I have no eyebrows. I'll have to continue to think about that. I should probably go to a general doctor of some sort to get a check-up of some kind since I haven't been to a doctor of any kind in quite a few years. The thing is, I feel pretty ok. I figure if something is wrong, my body would tell me. And if there IS something wrong and my body feels like keeping it to itself for the time being, who am I to argue? I'd really rather not now what's coming...And I hate doctors. And drugs.

And with that, I will go enjoy being 23...

What? Monday already?

I swear, I don't know where the time goes. And I don't really have too much time to be writing this since I have to go to work in about 5 minutes. This whole working everyday thing is getting on my nerves. I suppose I'll have to do something about it eventually. Hmm...Deja Vu? I think I've said that before. Weird...

Anyway...

Aside from that, nothing else is happening. I lead a very boring life. My neighbors are still annoying the crap out of me. Stupid punk little boys and their scary mother and her scary male friends who drive shitty cars (and park waaaay too close to my car.)

Oh yeah, almost forgot - I paid off my car so as soon as I get the release of lien thingy, I can go get a new one! Woo!

And with that, off to work I go.

My head is exploding

Have you ever had one of those days when you know you're doing stuff, but you seem to accomplish absolutely nothing? Well, I just had one of those. Dammit, I'm going to be dreaming about trace IDs and why the inventory isn't reconciling. I hate cost accounting. Add to that the fact that the faucet of my bathtub has stopped working and it basically runs continuously. Argh. But I don't want to call the maintenance people. They scare me. Fortunately, Adam informs me that he's good with his hands (ahem) and has volunteered to come down and take a look at it. Experience perhaps should tell me to be wary since it was he who erased the hard drive on my computer while rebuilding it. Hmmm. What's the worst that could happen? My apartment under water I suppose...but it's worth the risk. (I hope... :) Just kidding Adam, I have confidence in your abilities to do whatever it is you plan on doing.)

My head hurts. My neck hurts. My back hurts. I think I need to sleep more. I've been shorting myself on that for damn near a week now. Stupid internet. Stupid people. Argh.

I think that's all I'll say for now. There are a lot of things on my mind right now but I don't think I want to turn them into public musings quite yet. I don't really know who reads this on a regular basis...

It's February. Argh.

One week...

So...I got a new computer. Ok, so, I had a new computer BUILT for me. And I had my hard drive completely erased. Oops. Oh well. It's much faster now and I have a CD burner. Too bad all the stuff I had planned to burn is gone now. *Sigh*

I've been doing absolutely nothing lately. I seriously don't know where the time goes. I just sit around and my life passes me by. It's kind of depressing, but I'm really enjoying my free time. Eventually I'll have to get off my ass and get a life. Meh. But not tonight.

I'll see how long I decide to keep up this blog rather than posting directly on my site.

Janaury 2005

Friday, January 28, 2005

I have the internet back at my apartment. Yay! Too bad my computer is hella slow. I think it's time for an upgrade. Luckily, I have connections within the computer nerd world. ;) Adam just called me and apparently we're going shopping for parts tonight. Other than that, there's not much going on. I'm still working and doing nothing else. I sit at home and do nothing a lot. I'm not sleeping as much though, which is good considering I had started falling asleep around 8 every night.
Woo hoo. 11 days until my birthday. Ha ha.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

So, I will be having the internet installed at my apartment next Wednesday. *sigh* Why does it take so long? Stupid cable company. The cable guy had better be cute.
Speaking of cute guys, there's this new place called "Geek Squad" or something. I must go there for some reason. If you have a computer problem, let me go there and ask about it. My perception is that this is a whole building with nothing but geeky computer nerds. In other words, this is my Mecca. Come to me my computer nerds!!!
In other news, damn, is it cold! And now it's snowing. Ugh. Thank goodness I have a fridge full of beer, a freezer full of mozzerella sticks and a shelf full of new DVDs. Yes. I went shopping this weekend and bought about 5 times more movies than I did clothes. Grrr. I make myself mad sometimes.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

So, my first week as a worker in the "real world" is almost over. Yay me. It has been fun thus far. A lot of new information and reports. The people I work with are all very nice and they are all kind of wacked just like me. It works. Sometimes I can't believe I get paid to do the stuff I do. *sigh*
In other news...wait...there is no other news. I haven't been doing much after work. Just kind of bumming around my apartment. Doing some cleaning up and such. I need a freakin' hobby. Unfortunately, I have the feeling my hobby of choice would involve nakedness...

Thursday, January 6, 2005

This week has been very boring. I keep falling asleep on my futon, watching bad television. When did I lose all motivation to do, well, anything? Granted, the weather hasn't been especially conducive to accomplishing great things, but, geesh! I'm giving professional slackers a run for their money.
I suppose one of the things I could be doing instead of sitting in Radford right now is trying to find that damn Time Warner Cable office. I swear that thing doesn't exist. I have the address. I know where it SHOULD be. But either I'm blind or it's not there. I'd much rather go in and talk to them in person, but I get the feeling I'm going to have to resort to calling them pretty soon. If anyone knows where the place is, please let me know. I feel like a retard, not being able to locate it. Plus, I want the internet back in my house so I can do naked dances in front of the webcam. (kidding...)
I suppose I could insert a "Happy Two Year Anniversary" to my website here. Yup, it's been up here and providing, uhm, entertainment to the masses for two years now. Amazing how much crap one person can go through in two years, eh? Sometimes I go back and read the archives of this here diary thingy and just laugh. Especially when the entry is about John. Aah, what a fucked up relationship that is. *Sigh* Thing is, it will never change. It will always be seriously fucked up. And that's annoying. Argh. He actually did call me last night though. That was impressive. (I must note that he called to tell me he wasn't going to come over - which he had promised to do earlier this week - but hey, at least he called, right?) I told him I take what I can get. This prompted some slightly rude comment from him that shall not be repeated here. Fortunately, I knew he was (kinda) kidding. It's such a weird dynamic. Meh.
Enough of that. Where did that come from. Stupid subconscious connections.
Well I suppose I'll head home and put my chicken in the oven. Yay. I'm cooking this evening. I like cooking. And eating. Obviously. Man, I need to start working out. John started working out again apparently. He had me feel his arm. Mmmm.
Dammit.
Ok, I'm leaving now before this gets out of hand.

Monday, January 3, 2005

Today I started my last week at Presto. It's kind of sad in a way. I've been there for so long, it's going to be weird to be working somewhere else. But I think it will be fun. It's time for a change and all that. I'm starting to get my life all in the new order. I plan to get the internet in my house in the next week or so, so that will be nice. No cable tv though. Don't need that. I'm also investigating a new car. If anyone has suggestions as to what kind I should be looking for, feel free to let me know. I don't plan to actually buy one until about April, so I've got time to research (assuming my current car doesn't clunk out on me before then. Ack!) Sigh. So many things I could/should be doing right now. I just have no inspiration to do any of them. I'm getting a cold. I just want to go home and take a nap. Unfortunately, I've got my final BAP meeting. Ever. *Sob* I get to hand over the reins (ie, box of thank-you cards) to the next secretary. Woo. And then I can go home and take aforementioned nap. :) Bleh. That's all I've got without going into boring musings about John.

December 2004

Monday, December 27, 2004

Man, this whole "no internet" thing really sucks. I think I'm going to have to call Time Warner and give in to their $50 a month for Road Runner thing. Argh. Well, I'm a college graduate now. Woo. I got this thing in the mail this morning that shows the horrible picture they snapped of me as I Was walking across the stage. I can buy many more of them if I so wish. Why would I do that? The one on that piece of paper is bad enough. Uck!
My Christmas was uneventful. I spent the whole day trying to figure out why there was nothing on tv. Granted, I only get two channels. But geesh! That and mourning my Vikings' horrible loss the day before. Grrr. It's pathetic that these two teams played basically the same football game twice this season. *Sigh* Oh well.
I have no plans for New Years as of yet. Don't really expect to get any either, but that's ok. I've been going to sleep at about 8 every night for the last week anyway. I'm such a loser. :)

Monday, December 13, 2004

Less than a week. I could start counting in hours now. But I won't. That would be lame. (hee hee)
Anyway, long weekend, long day. All I really want to do is go home and sleep. Unfortunately I still have 4 exams to take and a really messy house to clean. Grrrr. Stupid relatives.
Nothing much to report other than I got a job. Yes. I will actually grauate employed. So, that being said, it's perfectly understandable why I got completely trashed on Saturday night. Woo.
And it's a job I actually want. Go me!
Really, that's all I've got to say. Life has been pathetically boring. But I do get to go do the drug testing thing tomorrow. Yay!

Sunday, December 5, 2004

Well folks, we're down to the two week mark. Yes, that's right. Two weeks from today I will be a college graduate. Woo. I still lack total enthusiasm because I have no job. Hopefully by the end of the week I will, but that seems too optimistic for me. *sigh* That's about all I have to say. I just wanted to change this page over for the new month. :)

November 2004

Monday, November 29, 2004

Added more pictures to the photo album of me with my hacked off hair. It's still doing weird things, but oh well. We're under a month now. Yes. I graduate. At 9:30 at Kolf. Come support me. Come bomb the building. Come do whatever you want. Or not. It's up to you.
I actually considered writing some kind of reply to the phone conversation that was had last night with my brother. Then I remembered I really don't care. I'm a supporter of the isolationist plan. Stay out of my life and I'll stay out of yours. :)
Have another interview lined up for Wednesday. Considering this is actually a job I want at a company I wouldn't mind working for, wish me luck :) Damn I need to get me a job. Although George told me today that I can stay at Presto through the end of this semester (which is actually in late January) and if I still haven't got a job, they will hire me on as a Presto temp for a bit. He really doesn't want to lose me :) It's rough being so important.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Good God. I have such a headache. I'm going to go home and take a nap. Right after I'm done staring at this computer screen for a little longer. I don't really have too much to say, but I figured it has been some time since I last wrote anything here. Been busy. Been lazy. What have you.
There is a relatively large spider crawling on the wall next to me. Eww. Good to see they clean these computer labs...
Still no job. Still working on that. That's about all I've got to say about that. Feeling crappy. Going home before the spider decides to attack me. (*Ack*)

Friday, November 12, 2004

Dammit. What is is about this day? All day at work I could have sworn it was the 13th. Now I just typed "11" instead of "12." Do I have some kind of bad karma with the number 12 or something? Creepy. Yeah, this whole day was pretty much one stupid/embarassing/pointless/painful thing after another. It was a Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong day. Paper cuts, tripping over shit, dropping shit. It all happened. Many times.
Oh yeah, and my graduation clock was wrong (thanks Catherine.) It was counting down the days to December 12th. I graduate on the 18th. Don't ask me. I don't know how that happened. But it's fixed now. 36. Ugh.
Still no job. Got a random e-mail from some company I've never heard of asking me to apply. Ok then. That's weird. But their company website screams (and I do mean SCREAMS) FrontPage and they specialize in computer consulting services? *Sigh* I think not. Some people's children.
I'm kinda putzing here on campus. Once I go home, I know damn well all I'm going to do is eat, drink, and do nothing of any use. I need to get as much production out of me while I can. I've done my QBA homework (yay me!) and I hope to perhaps maybe send out a few resumes while I'm here. (Ha!) I'm so sick of trying to find a job. I don't have one yet. Maybe that's why.
Martha's Wish List:
1) A mixer so I can bake cookies. Yum.2) A slave. Ahem, I mean boyfriend.3) A job.
Yes, so there it is. My impressive wish list. I must be hungry. I do plan on cooking some stuff tonight. Maybe I'll go rent a movie. Nothing really good out though. Why waste the money? I don't know what I'll do. Call me. We'll hook up for some good times. Muahahahahahahaha.

Saturday, November 6, 2004

What is it with me and guys with kids? I do not like kids. I do not want to have kids. Ever. I do not want to be with a guy who has kids. Ever. Why can't I find a decent guy who can keep his wee wee in his pants dammit! Or at least keep it from impregnating someone. Argh.
So, here is sit on campus doing homework on a Saturday night. How sad. I'm so depressed. I bought my suit today so I'll look nice and ridiculous for my interview on Monday. Man, I hate interviews. Necessary to make a living though.
I have a headache. I'm hungry. I think I'll go home now.

Monday, November 1, 2004

Yes. That's right. No-fucking-vember. Where did the time go? Why don't I have a job yet? **loud screaming inside my head**
Ok, now with THAT out of the way...
Not really too much to say right now. I've been drifting on the boat in lah lah land again. I need to quit doing that. It doesn't accomplish anything. And I need to quit randomly making out with guys. But I digress. Haven't done that for a little while, although not by my choice. By my body's choice, if you catch my drift. ;) Ahem. Anyway. TMI, I know. I'm babbling. This is because I'm tired. I have been drinking too much Mountain Dew right before bed lately. This is bad both because of the caffeine content of said beverage, but also because I have to get up ten million times to pee during the night. And then my toilet won't stop running and it pisses me off at 3 am. Yeah. It's a good life. That stupid thing is really ticking me off lately.
Geesh, I have ADD tonight or something. I think my game plan is to go home and sleep. Screw this homework and studying shit. Of course, if some guy happens to show up...muahahahahaha. Not too likely, but it's a nice thought. After those, well, MONTHS of who knows what, this is the other extreme of hormonal imbalance. But that's ok. Live it up or whatever.

October 2004

Friday, October 22, 2004

What the fuck. These computers on campus suck some major ass. I had written this whole kick-ass entry about all kinds of crap and then I went to open some e-mail thingy and it closed all my web browsers. Stupid piece of shit.
Ok, I'm calm now.
I don't remember what I wrote before, so oh well. Probably something about me being a loser and hating life. That's generally my train of thought. I'd better save this before it spontaneously closes on me again.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Ugh, the thought processes I had to go through to write that date. When did my brain stop working? It's so sad.
Anyway...I'm in between classes. Oh how I love night classes. I wish all the classes I could take were night classes ***sarcasm dripping from the walls and ceiling*** I had two exams today. Not really too much to say about that. I can't say I'm putting a great deal of effort into my studies. Actually, I'm not putting a great deal of effort into much of anything these days. Except making out with guys. I seriously think I need to see a doctor or something. So, Monday we had an office visit over at CG. Then Kevin came down to visit again. Yeah. I was horribly tired (I had stayed up to watch the Vikings game on Sunday) and I probably wasn't the best company. So it goes. Then yesterday I had every intention of going to my history class. Really, I did. I just went to the computer lab to print out the lecture notes. Honest. But Steve was there and he convinced me to skip class and go back to my apartment for a bit. WHY!?!?!?! What is my problem? Granted, it is fun and all, but geesh. Maybe I'm having some kind of self-esteem episode and I'm looking for validation. Hmm. Or not. I don't know what the deal is, but I'm willing to listen to anyone who might have some insight.
OK, I know. The real issue is I need a boyfriend. I meant insight OTHER than that.
Anyway. I must part for now. *sob*

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Ok. So I had every intention of getting one of those free "blog" account thingys to make Evan happy. I even signed up and all that crap. I just don't like the way it works though. I prefer all this unnecessary work. :) I even wrote an entry there:
" It's a really crappy day. Dark, dreary, supposed to be cold and rain all weekend. Yay Wisconsin! And both presidential candidates are in my freakin' backyard today. They're going to shut down Hwy 41 probably right about the time I want to be heading home. Figures.
I'm not sure I've cured my "hormonal imbalance" although I've been doing enough crap lately, one would think it would begin to subside. Sigh. Kevin came down to visit me on Tuesday evening. We tried to rent porn, but he picked out this stupid documentary thing. (Ok, so maybe I had a little something to do with it. Maybe.) Heh. It's so sad. I can't even go rent porn right. Argh. Wednesday was CPA night. Good food, and hanging at a bar later with the "professionals." Damn, there are some HOT accountants. Mmmmm. But I behaved myself. Drank too much, was hung over, and skipped my history class Thursday morning, but behaved. :)
Then yesterday I had every intention of going to get a hair-cut and then cooking an extravagant and unnecessary dinner. Yeah. Well. I was minding my own business in the computer lab and Mike starts talking to me. He ends up coming over, helping me eat that aforementioned extravagant/unnecessary dinner, as well as a few other things. *ahem* He doesn't leave until like 9. So, I got nothing done. Sigh. I have problems.
But that's ok.
This weekend should be nice and boring. No plans, just work. I'll probably drink too much tonight and get nothing done. That's so sad. So it goes though."
Yeah. Wild times. And I DID drink too much last night. Oh well...

Monday, October 11, 2004

Argh. Hormones. Raging. At the speed of light. I need a boyfriend dammit. Nothing much to report. I need to get my ass in gear and get a damn job already. I'm working on it. There's just so much other stuff going on. Perhaps if I had a good sack session I'll be able to focus more.
There was a really hot guy working at McDonald's the other day. Mmmmm.
Anyway. I'm getting hungry. I'm on campus right now doing some stupid music analysis thing for my Music and Culture class. How annoying. I'm tired. But I need to get my resume out there. Argh. This sucks. Well that's about all I've got.

Monday, October 4, 2004

I swear to god, if that chick over there doesn't stop hacking up a lung soon, I'm gonna go strangle her. I HATE computer labs. They suck ass.

Sunday, October 3, 2004

Good God. What is my problem? I think I’m having hormone surges or something. It’s ridiculous. So, on Tuesday I was minding my own business in the computer lab on campus. Then a guy IMs me and we’re chatting. I’ve known this guy for 4 years now. He suggests we go in the elevator, ride up to the third floor (offices, no profs there this time of night) and fool around. Hmmm. I resist. He keeps persuading me. Finally I say, “What the hell” and log off and meet him outside the lab. Unfortunately the school must have thought ahead because they disabled the 2nd and 3rd floor on the elevator so we couldn’t go up there. Sigh. We then head over to the library. There’s an elevator there too. So, we make out in the basement of Polk. Why? I really couldn’t tell ya. I made it clear that I didn’t want to have sex with him. Apparently just groping at me was ok with him. Argh! Not that I didn’t have fun. I did. But what possessed me to do that? Grrr.
Ok. Then there’s today. Last night, a guy I met online a while ago calls to inform me that he’ll be in Oshkosh in the morning. Woo. He’s decided to come visit me if I so desire. So he calls me this morning and I go pick him up on campus. We come back here and hang out for a while. Watch SpongeBob. Talk. Make out. AAAHHHH! Once again, it’s not like I didn’t have fun. But seriously, what the hell. I really need a boyfriend or something to keep me under control. I guess this is what I get for trying to control my urges. They just creep up on me unexpectedly now. Dammit. It’s weird though. I still don’t really want sex at all. Just the occasional making out thing I guess. I think I miss that part of things. It was all so simple when sex wasn’t even part of the equation. Kissing is a lot of fun (when they don’t slobber all over me at least. Ewwwwww.) And let me tell you, being pushed up against the wall of the elevator was pretty fun too. Tee hee.
On a side note: the guy I had fun with this morning has a brother who works at K-Mart with me. Every time I saw his brother at work tonight, I just started giggling. How immature is that? Sigh.
Sometimes I worry that people think I’m a tease.
But then I get over it and realize I don’t care what they think.
I think maybe not having the internet at home will be a good thing. In case you haven’t noticed, most the stupid things I do (or have done) are the result of meeting people online. Dumb, dumb, dumb. There are a lot of weirdoes out there. A lot of horny bastards. And then there are the occasional decent, interesting people. I tend to get a lot more of the previous two than the latter one. But I guess time will tell. I might miss bitching at people in chatrooms. Good stress relief. I mean, just go into a Wisconsin chatroom, type “The Packers suck” and everyone will scream at you. It’s great.

September 2004

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Alrighty. It took way too much effort to figure out the date. Sigh. Well I finished cleaning the old apartment this afternoon. Man, am I tired. Everything is moved into the new apartment. I picked up the futon on Saturday night and John helped me put it together. (Thanks, John. *MWA!*) Good thing, because I would have had a hell of a time trying to figure it out. Who knew that an allen wrench was just a bent piece of metal? Pfft. Plus, all that turning of bolts and crap. That's a man's job. Hee hee. As long as I found one who was willing to do it, why not, right? He then "rescued" his kids from Octoberfest (lol) and came back later with a bottle of rum. We sat and talked for an hour or so. I don't know. He seemed a lot more relaxed in this new place. Maybe it was no one else was there, maybe it was he's happier with where his life is now. I don't know. But I liked it. And he left the alcohol at my house, so this means he should come over more often. At least that's the way I choose to look at it. :) He could come over every day and that would be just fine with me. Highly unlikely, but that's another subject. And he was quite the gentlemen the whole time. (Well, aside from the momentary conversation about bending me over the futon seeing as it was the perfect height.) But then he left to go watch boxing. LoL. And that's ok too. I was in a pretty good mood so it didn't bother me. (And the love-hate saga of John continues. I know, it's obnoxious. I just can't seem to figure it all out so I just go with it. We'll see how long it lasts this time.)
Classes are still deathly boring. In all honesty, I'm not really missing having the net or tv at home. I check e-mail at work and I come on campus to do other things (including updating this website.) TV, eh, haven't missed. I have watched some movies, but for the most part I've just been reading more. It's better that way. Books contribute more towards the enhancement of the brain anyway, right? Although I suppose that depends on what kind of books one reads. I just finished A Widow for One Year (my favorite book, by the way.) I'm not sure what I'll delve into next. Perhaps The Female Man. I bought that a while back and never had the chance to read it. I don't think. If I DID read it, I don't remember it. Never hurts to re-read something. Unless it's a book like Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. That one hurt the first time around. I can only imagine the pain of a second go-round. (aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!)
Ya gotta love the "honors" program here at UWO. Inflicting crap like that on innocent freshmen. And then inflicting a semester about "the idea of race" to a group of white, middle-class seniors. Bah!
Not that I'm dissing UWO or anything. Fine education. You get what you pay for, I guess. (Reminder: UWO is the cheapest school in the entire state of Wisconsin.) Muahahahahahahahahaha
And with that, I guess I'll leave the wonderful Radford Lab for the evening. Don't want to run into some guy whacking off...yuck...

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

So, the internet was shut off yesterday around 3:30 or 4. And then this army of Time Warner guys show up at my door. They knock. I answer. They ask, "Does Laura Miller live here?" I answer (truthfully), "Nope." Before I can even suggest that they might want all their equipment back, they say "Ok, thanks" and leave. Oooook then. I guess they don't really want it back too badly. Now I'm going to have to make a much bigger effort if I want to get it back to them. I'm not sure it's worth it. So, hey, if any of you reading this work for Time Warner Cable, I've got all your crap at my apartment. Come pick it up when you want it back. On the other hand, if you prefer leaving it with me and charging Laura for it, good luck getting the money, but have fun! That's fine with me!
In other news, hmmm, nevermind. There really IS no other news. I start moving tomorrow. I still don't have a job. That's about it.
Ho hum.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

You know, I don't even remember typing that last entry. That's kinda sad.
In any case, I didn't think it was possible, but I'm afraid I'm going to not learn EVEN MORE this semester than I didn't learn in the last one. I thought last semester was the pinnacle of worthless time spent pretending to get an education. I was wrong. *sob* The only way I can think on the bright side of this one is to tell myself that I'm not even paying for it. But I'm wasting a hell of a lot of time. I could be doing other things. Like working at a real job that pays me more. ARGH!
People online have really started to bug me so I think I'll be ok with it disappearing in a week or so. People just suck. Everyday I confirm my "choice" to never get married and never have kids. To think about bringing some other devil spawn into the world is just crazy. And to think about having to be with some person all the time...every day...forever...is just too much. Even someone you love with all your heart would get on your nerves I think.
I've been having issues lately. I'm not sure what kind of issues. Just normal psychosis or something. The endless battle amongst my inner selves. Or something. I think this is due to way too much free time. Or at least free "brain" time. (See aforementioned lack of education occuring at school.) So, my brain wanders. I need to start sitting in the back of the classroom and reading a magazine. For 3 hours. Yeah. I'm tired now.

Monday, September 13, 2004

*SIGH*
This semester is going to be so boring. My QBA and music classes are basically just huge insults to my intelligence. Hmm...what's a time signature? Excel can do WHAT? Argh!!! The other classes aren't as bad as those two, but still, no motivation, no interest. My history professor is cute. But married. But still cute. That's about all I have to say about school.
I get the keys to the new apartment on the 23rd. So, if any of you want to help me move my shit, let me know. Also, if anyone knows of someone who needs a computer desk or a full size bed, I still have those sitting around here. If no one buys them, I have to call some charity place and beg them to pick them up I guess. What a pain. I've been having dreams about Laura taking me on Judge Judy because I didn't cancel the cable. It's a good dream. I kick her ass in court (Figuratively. I think I'd stand no chance in a physical altercation. She's got a good 75-100 pounds on me there. Heh.) and Judge Judy gives her a royal yell fest. Something about "responsibility"... Aaah.
That's about all I've got. I've had no time to do anything lately. I wonder what happened. Must have messed up my scheduling of free time this semester. Oops. Oh well. :)

Wednesday, September 8, 2004

Hmm...weird. Classes start today. But that fact is really of no significance. At least, not to me. Oooh...I need a huge transplant of motivation. That's really about all I've got to say. Work calls.
Thursday, September 2, 2004
For some reason, on the way home from work today, I got to thinking about the guy I lost my virginity to. I'm not sure why. It was weird. Aah, the good times. It's amazing how much can change in a relatively short amount of time. Unfortunately, most changes have been bad. Eh. So it goes. I think the less said about that, the better.
So, school starts in less than a week. I've been extraordinarily crabby lately, so perhaps this is a good thing. This is the first time I've been happy to get a tuition bill. Although then the cashier's office changes their hours and I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to go get my books. Sigh. Who needs 'em?
Temptation to smoke has been growing. I think my theory about stress relief lying in smoking or sex is a pile of shit. I don't want sex. Although I have been tempted to smoke. So maybe there is some truth to it. Or perhaps it's just boredom. Who knows. It's been too hot lately. I think my brain is melting.

August 2004

Saturday, August 28, 2004

Woo...just under the gun there, as it's 11:58 PM. So, I expected to sit around all weekend doing nothing. HA! 'Twas not to be. I got called into work around 3 today and they told me to come in tomorrow too. Go figure.
The fall semester starts in a little over a week. I got my tuition bill on Friday. Let me tell you, this is the first time that getting a tuition bill was a good thing. This means I can go buy my books. Woo! Let's hear it for financial aid! In any case, this semester should be...well...boring...but survivable.
Not much else is going on in my life. Work. Blah. Work. So it goes. I suppose eventually I need to go and do something else with my time. Maybe. It just doesn't seem worth it though. I've come to the conclusion that either I'll end up alone forever or I'll end up having to settle for something less than what I want. I don't think it's possible to ever find a guy who is what I want. I've also noticed that since I've been alone for so long, it is probably going to be difficult to be with any guy. Independence is destructive.
Man, I need a sugar daddy.
Drinking is also destructive. Makes ya say stupid things. Like this entire entry, for example.
I'm gonna go now.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

I decided I was tired of complete strangers getting the wrong idea about me because I happened to have stuff concerning sex on my website. Problem solved. No more sex page. Boo hoo. Doesn't really matter, since I'm apparently never going to do it again. Oh well. That's ok. I've been so tired lately, I haven't even missed it. Add to that my constant disgust with the male gender and we've got the makings of a celibate woman.
I think this living alone thing might be more destructive than I thought. I have too much time alone doing nothing. I figure I'll either start eating a lot and get really fat, start reading a lot and get really fat, or do something else that I haven't decided and get really fat. Basically, no matter what I do, living alone will eventually make me fat. Just a theory. We'll see if I can prove it. Although maybe I'll start doing Tae Bo like a maniac and get in shape. (Insert laugh track here.) Hey! It could happen. I have to have some kind of motivation in this body somewhere...
I'm not the happiest person in the world today. (Although, am I EVER the happiest person? ...that's a completely different topic. Stay focused, Martha.) I have a total of 8 hours at K-mart next week. Yes...That's 8 hours for all 7 days of next week. That's horrible. I have the entire weekend of the 28-29 off. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going to be so bored. Not to mention poor. Sigh. I'm hoping someone quits or calls in or something so I can get more hours. I can't pay rent for 2 people on 8 hours. I'm going to be cutting it close for the next few months as it is. It really sucks. Roommates suck. People suck. Everything sucks. Grrr.

Friday, August 20, 2004

Sooooo tired. Hooray for WI weather! I got a monster cold sometime Tuesday...Wednesday was just a blur...Thursday wasn't much better. I was pretty lucid for most of today at least. Needless to say, I haven't accomplished much this week. Ok, make that nothing. I really need to do my laundry. It's been sitting, sorted, on my floor for about a week. Argh. I just don't have the enery. Or motivation. Or both. Whatever.
This lack of energy may have been a good thing. I've been going out of my way to pick fights online lately. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just feeling disagreeable. It's just that so many guys have PMed me about my "What I want in a Man" page to tell me that I'll never find a guy who fits all those things. Or that I'm not good enough to deserve a man like that. Or any guy like that will be a big wuss. Or...you get the idea. Ok, so if you don't like what I'm looking for in a guy, that's fine. There's no need to PM me and insult me about it. Geesh. People are so damn annoying.
So, it occured to me that there are less than 3 weeks left before the semester starts. Aargh again. Where did the summer go? That's insane. I took a look online at how much books are going to cost me. My range is $312 - $416. Not too bad...although my financial aid will cover it. I just have to sit and wait until the bill comes and then I can fill out that cash advance thingy. I think. I dunno...it's not like I've ever done this before. :) Woo...Financial Aid.
Perhaps I will send out graduation announcements of some sort. Not invitations. I don't want any more people showing up than are already planning to. I'm not too keen on my family associating with people I know around here. Tee Hee. I'm kinda liking my independence and distance from them in general, you know.
As I live and write. Another guy just PMed me about my man page. And I quote: " I re3ad your description of what you want in a man do you really think you'll find someone to meet that description?" Yeah...there's a 3 in there. Sigh.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Mmmm. Chocolate Volcano. I'm going to have to take a trip to the other side of town to go to Culvers and get some of that. Not that I have the money to do that. Not that I need the sugar and fat and empty calories. It's just something I feel I need to do. :)
So people. Click here to see all the stuff my roommate left behind that I am subsequently selling. If you or anyone you know is interested in any of this shit, let me know.

Sunday, August 8, 2004

Well she finally left. Early this morning apparently. She leaves me a note in the mailbox telling me to call the cable company to do something or other. My ass...I'm gonna hook up my shit and wait until they decide to turn it off. It's in her name anyway. Maybe I'll order some Pay Per View porn...
It's been a fun weekend. I'll be moving to the single across the hall at the end of September. Sigh. I hate roommates. I can't seem to find a good one to save myself. She left a ton of crap here too. Furniture and the like. I figure I'll sell it. So, if anyone is interested in 2 computer desks, a tv stand or a full size bed, let me know. That's about it. Aah, the silence is wonderful. I have to clean the bathroom though. I just gave up while she was here. It was a lost cause. So now I can clean it and be able to take baths. Woo.
I've got nothing...

July 2004

Monday, July 19, 2004

Blah. Meh. Grr. Pfft. Bah. Eek. and numerous other comic strip-like expressions.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

I had another moment last night. Another one of those “Gee, I wish there were more than 24 hours in a day so I could enjoy my life for longer” moments. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, I HATE onions. I hate the taste of them, the look of them, and especially the SMELL of them. Unfortunately, I live with a person who has a creepy and somewhat disturbing love of onions. Needless to say, this doesn’t really make for the best living conditions. I swear, that girl puts onions on everything. And yet she manages to find a guy who wants to live in the same room and I can’t even get a guy into my apartment. Live is unfair. And she can’t be bothered to clean up the juice or put the onion in a bag or anything, so the entire apartment reeks of onions and everything in the fridge starts smelling like them too. Ew. All I can say is “ew.”
I had the weirdest dream again last night. This one was all about bugs. I’m thinking this is because there have been an incredible amount of bugs in my apartment in the last few days. How gross. I hate bugs. Anyhoo, in this dream, there were many many bugs in my house. I was going crazy after them with a vacuum cleaner. These were all really hideous bugs. I’d vacuum up some appendage, say a leg or an arm, and then all of the sudden they would morph into gorgeous guys. They were all horribly maimed in someway though because I’d just torn off a body part prior to their transformation. How depressing is that? I think I have problems.
Rargh. So many things are bugging me lately. And surprisingly, I’ve been in a relatively good mood too. Strange. I’d be in a better mood if it would STOP RAINING for a day or so…geesh. Maybe I should get those new windshield wipers after all…heh.
Blah Blah. I’ve got nothing to say, really. This week is boring and will continue to be as such, I assume. Nothing ever happens in my life. Nothing good at least.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

I just had a moment. I was going to the kitchen to get another beer and I happened to look down as I was walking. In my left hand was an empty Hagen-Daas chocolate peanut butter ice cream container. In my right hand was an empty can of Miller Lite. This is what my Saturday nights have been reduced to: eating really bad for me ice cream, drinking cheap beer, and watching the entire first season of Sex in the City. Sigh.
What I wouldn't do for a guy who wanted to hang out with me and not have sex...
**Hours (and about 6 beers) later**As I sit peeing on the toilet surrounded by the stench of my roommate's (or perhaps her internet boyfriend's) recent shit...I think, "Gee, I wish there were more hours in a day so I could enjoy my life MORE..."

Friday, July 9, 2004

My life is so boring. I was going to rent movies tonight but then I felt totally pathetic so I decided against that. So here I am, sitting alone in my room doing nothing instead. Woo! Great idea, Martha.
**Random thought** I just love sneezing. It's almost orgasmic... **End of random thought**
I'm feeling especially ugly these days. I haven't talked to anyone other than people I work with for WEEKS. Don't even ask about other "pleasures" in life. It's like since I started my "Thoughts on Sex" page, I've quit thinking about it. Or when I DO think about it, it's nothing good. Men just suck. It's totally depressing. I went to Sheboygan for July 5th (Note: I won't be going back there for quite a while...) and there were just so many families and people with babies. It was horrible. I felt so out of place and alone. I never notice that so much in Oshkosh. It's a completely different atmosphere I guess. Maybe I'm just psychotic.
No comments please...not that anyone reads this anyway...

Monday, July 5, 2004

I swear...if K-mart doesn't fix the air-conditioning soon, we're going to have old ladies dropping dead in the aisles...and that will not be pleasant. It hasn't even been that hot outside yet and it has been practically a sauna inside the store. It's horrible. But whatever. Maybe I'll sweat off some weight. LoL.
Life is so boring. I don't know when I'll be heading to Sheerbordem. I had a horrible dream last night about my car self-destructing on the way down there, so I'm kind of nervous about going...

Friday, July 2, 2004

Once again, if you want to join me in Sheboygan on Monday, let me know.
For the love of…this day is never going to end. I thought that when you’re keeping busy, time is supposed to go fast. That theory is being disproved today. It is taking FOREVER to get to the end of the day. I guess I could just be thinking that…not like I have anything I’m looking forward to. I get to run errands and then sit a home. I plan to get plastered tonight. Bought some vodka yesterday and I have a whole bottle of cranberry juice that has just been patiently waiting in the fridge for a while. Yay. I’m not an alcoholic. Really, I’m not.
Today is payday. I get to start paying my mom back. Unless I spend way too much on clothes, which could happen. Since I haven’t bought any clothing forever, I am in desperate need of quite a few things. My shoes for k-mart have had holes in them for months. My black pants are looking kind of sad at this point. I need some new light colored shoes too. And underwear…don’t even get me started on underwear. 3 or 4 of my bras have had the underwire snap in half under the boob. It pokes me. But what can ya do. Fortunately, k-mart is having a buy one get one half off sale. Woo! Granted, they’re about $10 in the first place…grrrr…
Life is rough.
I’m still in a relatively upbeat mood. Not sure why…still…There are so many things I should do…but I never seem to get around to them. I’ve been so incredibly lazy lately. And tired. Although those two things are most likely connected. I really need to get off my ass and do stuff. It’s so hard to be motivated when you’re so tired though. It’s an evil cycle.

June 2004

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Ok people. I'll be in Sheboygan on July 5th. That's Monday. I have the WHOLE DAY off! Wow. So, if you want to join in the (drunken) fun, let me know. Their fireworks are Monday night around 9:30PM and I plan to stay for those too. Not sure what's going to be going on during the day yet. Perhaps some lazing around on the beach. We'll see. I also take suggestions (and donations ;) ) I also plan to go to the fireworks up here in Oshkosh, which are on the 3rd at Menominee Park. If you want to accompany me there also, let me know. Woo...I don't even like this country, but I figured if I have a day off, I might as well live it up. Any excuse to drink, actually. Heh.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Headache. I’m tired. I don’t know why. I have been sleeping a lot better than usual. Sigh. I think I’m PMS-ing because I’m so hungry. But hungry for bad things. Plus, I was hella horny last week…so perhaps I was just ovulating. This week, I’m not really on the prowl. Which is good. Since I never get any anyway.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

I feel icky. I’ve felt icky all day. This is what happens when I sleep too much I guess. I turned the TV off before “Futurama” was finished last night, and unlike the previous few…weeks…I didn’t wake up at 5am. I woke up at 5:45. Woo. But I’ve just felt like crap all day. And I get to go work at K-mart tonight too. Woo. The fun never stops! I just want to go home and sleep. Although maybe not. At this point, I don’t really want to be there any more than necessary. Everything annoys me now. I think maybe my blood sugar is low. I haven’t been eating much sweet stuff lately. Dunno. I’m no health expert. I get to go home in 10 minutes though, so it’s ok. Well. I get to go home for about 15 minutes. Stupid K-mart can’t schedule me right if its life depended on it. LoL. Can I get anything decent from Burger King for $4? The McDonalds on College Ave is in the midst of all kinds of nasty construction so I really don’t want to try and brave that. Or perhaps I should just wait and eat something healthy quickly before I head to work. Hm…

Friday, June 18, 2004

It’s payday today. Doesn’t really make a difference though. I have to pay bills that I’ve been putting off. Woo. I’m hoping perhaps I’ll have a little bit to buy some food. I bought a jar of peanut butter last week and that’s basically all I’ve been eating. PB is good and all, but after awhile, it just gets gross. It doesn’t help that my roommate owes me over $60 for electric bills yet she keeps on going out all over buying shit. That’s just annoying. Kind of rude too, actually. Oh well.
I’m considering starting a new page. This one will be like a “sex log.” I’m not sure it will be that great of a page since I haven’t been getting much action lately. The reason I suggest this is because lately I’ve had some guys do weird things and I’d like to comment on them. For the good of the entire male gender actually. Offer some insight into what I (and most likely, other females) want and think. I think it would be beneficial. Just as with my “stories” page, I wouldn’t use names, but this would be much more basic of a page. Not just interesting things. Normal things too. Although I’m not sure how much I want to be telling the whole world. Heh. I guess I need to take into consideration how many people actually read this though. Not many…and those who do probably don’t care. But I think it might be a good resource anyway…someday…if I ever get myself a boyfriend.
I’m not sure what to expect tonight. John knows I don’t work and I had already informed him that I’d like to spend some time with him. His track record doesn’t say much for him though. I’m not going to call him, so the only way I’ll go over there is if he comes online I guess. Maybe I’ll spend money I don’t have on alcohol. Yay, alcohol!
I’m really liking the “Sex in the City” thing on TBS. It’s an excellent show. I’m disappointed I didn’t have HBO while it was on. I might have to buy the DVDs. It’s so funny, yet very true. I’ve never really like Sarah Jessica Parker too much, but “Brooke” from “Melrose Place” is on there, so it’s all good.

Monday, June 14, 2004 - - - Happy Flag Day!

I’m taking donations. Heh. Money, food, whatever. Life is rough.
Anyhoo, so Friday sucked major ass. So much rain, flash floods, and the like. The street in front of my house got turned into a river. Pics are in the photo album. I got soaked trying to get home. I had to park down the block at Ponderosa and walk back to my apartment. Water up to my knees. Argh. Then I had to walk back later on so I could go to work. By that time, the water had receded for the most part. It rained again on Sunday, but no flooding that time. It’s also supposed to rain throughout this week. How much rain do we need?!? Geesh.
So, Saturday I went down to Sheboygan for a few hours to hang out with Jess. Trisha decided she’d rather sleep than be with us. Pfft. Loser. : ) We watched Anger Management and ate some Papa Murphy’s pizza. The movie was pretty funny. The pizza was ok. That was the first time I’d had a Papa Murphy’s pizza. Interesting. Perhaps I should check if there’s one around here. Then we dropped Dakota (her son) off with his dad and went to a bar. I didn’t know a single person there, which is kind of weird. I’m not sure how I should feel about that. She knew a few people and we got some free booze. Heh. She also got some ugly guy hitting on her, which I thought was pretty funny. We didn’t stay too late since I had to get back home. Which I did. I hate driving. It was hella foggy and people just can’t drive at all. And what is up with the stoplights on Johnson St. in Fondy? I mean, do they ALL have to turn red right as you get there? There are probably 12 lights and I had to stop at every one. How annoying is that!?!
So then I had to work again yesterday. It’s weird. My manager had me setting ads and redoing walls and stuff the department heads generally do. He was going through all this regulation stuff with me. Like I care? I’m not really interested in what corporate says needs to be done with ad signing and stuff like that. I only set it when the department heads don’t. And I don’t plan to work at K-mart forever, so I don’t really care about it either. But I still have to sit and listen to him talk to me about it. Argh. Most the time, I just want to hide somewhere. I hung out over in infants for awhile, trying to find missing pants. It’s obnoxious. Most infant clothes are sets…a shirt and matching pants. For some reason, one piece always seems to disappear. Either that or the two pieces on a particular hanger will be different sizes. Yeah idiots, you thought you were sneaky and we wouldn’t notice? Give me a break. You’re just a pain in the ass. If I ever see someone switching two sizes, I’m going to go after them with my box cutter.
Really, I’m in quite a good mood today. Even though Justin bailed on me again. I wasn’t too surprised though. Sorry, Justin, you don’t really have that great of a track record. Although neither does anyone else…So Paul came over instead. Now, this guy confuses me. We’ll chat online and he’ll say how he can’t go have random sex because he’d feel guilty about it. Yet, he comes over to my apartment and gropes at me… I don’t get it. Maybe someone else out there can explain it to me. I think perhaps I disappointed or annoyed him, but I wasn’t about to encourage him and have him being all sorry and shitty feeling later. I mean, I’m a good friend and all, but I don’t want to perpetuate any kind of evil cycle.
Hey Brian…get over your cold dammit.
Everyone seems to be getting sick. I hope it passes over me. I don’t really want to get a cold or bronchitis or whatever people have these days.
Oh yeah, I have a decent schedule this weekend, so if anyone wants to do anything on Friday night, let me know. I’ll be able to stay out to a decent hour since I don’t have to be to work until 3 on Saturday. Granted, I’ll have no money so the things to do are limited. But whatever.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

I think I’ve been watching too much Law & Order. I’ve been having odd dreams lately. Last night (or rather, this morning, I guess) I had a weird one. It’s even weirder because I kind of remember what happened in it. Here goes:
I was walking down S. 17th Street in Sheboygan. That’s the street I lived on when I lived with my mom. There’s this bakery near the corner of Pennsylvania and 17th (I think, I suck at street names.) I pass by that and continue walking down the street. Then I’m way up the street by my mother’s store. But the place two doors down from hers is no longer an empty building of crap with tombstones in the front, but now it’s a Chinese restaurant. I go into the restaurant. Apparently it was morning, because they were serving “Chinese-style” omelets. (Don’t ask me, I have no clue.) I sat down and then the maitre-d’ came out and started explaining (in broken English) how the cook used a special process to seal in the most flavor. Then I noticed that some guy was staring at me. He was giving me quite the evil look. I guess this creeped me out because I got up and walked out of the restaurant. He followed me. As I walked through the door, I noticed there was a hearse parked in front of the building. For some reason, I could see all the way through it and there was the body in a tan bag with police tape all around it. The guy who had followed me went and somehow got the body out of the hearse. It was thrown on the ground and the top part of the bag opened up, revealing the head of some dead guy. I started walking back down the street. The guy followed me, yelling at me. Something about how could I have hurt her so bad. He had known all along I was no good. I had apparently killed some female he knew. His sister, wife, mother, who knows. He didn’t say. And now he wanted to kill me. It was about this time that I noticed that in this dream, I wasn’t really “me.” I was middle-age male. That was weird. Then the other guy says he has to kill me on the count of three. He counts one, two, three, and pushes me towards an oncoming car, but then pulls me back before it hits me. He laughs maniacally. He explains that that was just a test. He counts to three again, pushes me, and then I woke up.
Whenever I have particularly odd or vivid dreams, I try to figure out where they came from, since dreams are just the inner workings of your subconscious. This is what I’ve come up with. Let me know if you have any insights.
1. The aforementioned overdose of L&O helps out with dead bodies and menacing guys.2. The whole Reagan thing all of the news probably has something to do with dead bodies too…3. I’m planning on going to Sheboygan this weekend, so that explains the setting.4. I haven’t been eating much lately. I can’t afford food. So I’m guessing the bakery moment and the Chinese restaurant were hunger induced. Although, there were doughnuts at work the other day, so maybe that was it.5. The Chinese omelets get blamed on “Roseanne.” There was an episode on yesterday where they start serving breakfast at their café place. 6. That whole speech from the maitre-d’ was probably inspired by all the Food Network shows I watch. Either that or that Gerber baby food commercial about their nature lock process.
I can’t explain why I was a middle-aged man. I also can’t explain why I would have killed some female. There must be some deeper meaning in that.
Anywho, the weather has been crappy lately. Right now I’m sitting at work, looking at the dark skies and hoping it doesn’t rain until I get home. I’m pretty sure that won’t happen. “Summer” has been really boring thus far, so if anyone has things to do, let me know. I’m going crazy (er?) Although I suppose there are a lot of factors going into my insanity.

Tuesday, June 8, 2004

I will be in Sheboygan around 6:30PM on Saturday night. If you want to meet up with me around that area, let me know by Saturday morning :). I plan on hanging around there for a few hours (depending on who's there and what we do...since I have no money, heh) and then I'll be heading back to Oshkosh.
It is damn hot here. Had to turn on the AC when I got back from work tonight. It was too humid in here. Starting to smell funky, although that might just be the dishes. It's been too hot to do them too. :) Tomorrow... Other than that, I've really not got much to say.

Thursday, June 3, 2004

Men constantly frustrate me. Grrrr. Anyway, nothing much is going on so I'm not quite sure why I'm even typing this. Interim is done tomorrow and then it's back to working full time at Presto and more hours at K-Mart. Fun. Can't wait. Jess had her baby, so if any of you are by Sheboygan, I'll be stopping on down there at some point in the near future. Let me know if you want me to get in touch with you. :)

Tuesday, June 1, 2004

Sigh. I added a new page to the site this afternoon. I've gotten depressed with being alone for so long. It's a "What I Want in a Man" page, so all you men take a look and become what I want. :) Other than that, not much is going on. Class, work. Headaches. Argh. I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed.

May 2004

Friday, May 28, 2004

Yeah, so my roommate didn't pay her part of the cable bill for a few months so now there is no cable or internet at home. I'll still be able to check my e-mail at work during the week, but no more messenger. That means you people will have to keep in touch with me either by e-mail or by calling me. I expect to have a pretty boring summer, but I'd be ok if someone wanted to try and change that. :) Keep in touch. I'll try and update this on campus every once in awhile.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Good Things:
1) I got my car back on Friday. Well, at 7 PM. Drove it straight home, and when I went to drive to K-Mart Saturday morning (hey, it was raining), the coolant light turned on. So I had to take it BACK on Monday morning and have them fill it up. Morons. Anywho, it seems to be working thus far. Granted, it’s only been 3 days.
2) …
Hmm, actually that seems like the only good thing. Even that is probably a temporary good thing too. Man, life sucks.
Bad Things:
1) When I got my car back, the garage had apparently fucked up my front bumper thingy. Wonderful. So I had to pull off College Ave on the way home from work to rip part of it off cuz it was hitting my tire, making an awful noise, and throwing off my steering. Thanks guys…
2) My body is rebelling. Perhaps it’s the bad eating I’ve been doing lately. When you’re trying to eat whatever is in the house, it doesn’t tend to be overly healthy. So my stomach has not been happy. I also am having back problems again. Damn stress.
3) This afternoon, on my way out the door to work I fell flat on my face. That sucked. I have a huge gash on my elbow and I ripped the knee of my pants. Woo…Let’s hear it for the clutz!
4) I have no money. No really, I’m not lying this time. I still owe the mechanics about $300 and since I missed so many hours up at Presto in the last month, my next paycheck is going to be anything but impressive. It’s depressing. But hopefully I’ll be able to start saving something eventually. After I pay my mom back…after I pay for the stupid trip I took to France…after I pay for my car…ya know, in about 3 years. Sigh.
I have broken down and I’ve decided I’m going to stop and get some groceries on the way home. Screw car insurance and electricity…I need food dammit. LoL. BTW, I’m taking donations. Heh. Also, if any of you know a place where they buy CDs, let me know. I’m looking to sell a ton of mine. List of them is under media-music. Or if you’re interested in buying them, let me know. Thanks.

Friday, May 21, 2004

Still no car.
I got the financial aid reward letter today. Well, I went to my PO Box and it was there at least. The University was wise. I never take the loans, but with just the grants, my tuition and books will be paid for, plus a little extra just for the hell of it. Now, that's better.
On another note, grades have been posted. My diminishing interest in learning is apparent. 2 Bs. Argh. I was actually expecting something less in the Seminar class, but I'm ok with a B. LoL. The other B was Auditing. That was just a pretty gay class in the first place. But, what can you do. One more hideously boring semester of no worth to go! Woo!
That is all.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

I STILL have no car. The mechanics have had my car for almost 2 weeks. Tomorrow, it will be have ONE MONTH since I had a car. Highly unimpressive. I will have my car back tomorrow. Even if I have to kill one or more people to get it. Enough is enough. Thanks a ton Steve. Maybe when I want a good doctor, I'll ask you for a recommendation so I can know where NOT to go. Pfft.
This week has been dreadfully boring. I've gone to class, gone to work, come home, and done nothing all night. Each night. And each night I've had my yahoo messenger status saying "Who wants to make out with me?" and each night, I get nothing. Kind of depressing once again. And if these stupid ppl somewhere don't quit banging on whatever it is they're banging on, I'm gonna go psycho on their asses. It's really getting annoying. Everything has just been getting on my nerves lately. And if one more stupid ass soldier IMs me, I'm gonna go crazy.
Grrr. I'm damn crabby. And I'm tired. I'm always tired. I think I'm sleeping too much again. But when there's nothing better to do...

Sunday, May 16, 2004

I still don't have a car. Yep, that's right. A week AFTER I took it to the shop and I STILL don't have it back. Needless to say, I'm less than impressed with the service I've gotten through Ed's. Don't go there people. They're just wasting my time. They can't figure out what's wrong with it. Isn't that their JOB? I'm completely pissed off and I'll be going there tomorrow to get my car back whether it's fixed or not. I don't want them fucking around with it anymore.
So, I have been without a car for damn near a month now. That's right. A month. This is just ridiculous. I haven't figured out what I'm going to do quite yet and I really don't want to think about it. I wonder sometimes how I can get out of bed in the morning. It's been getting harder, let me tell you. Between the car issue, the money issues, the "guys are fucking assholes" issues and all the other normal life shit, it's been all I can do to not jump off a really high building.
Once again, last night I had a Plan A and a Plan B. Neither panned out. And people wonder why I don't plan thing. Well, there ya go! BECAUSE THEY NEVER WORK OUT YOU DUMBASS! I'm just fed up with people in general and wish everyone would go burn in hell. I don't care what the reasons were. I really don't care why these things happen. I just need to stock up on heavy-duty sleeping pills so they're around when I need them. And don't say you'd notice if I suddenly fell off the face of the earth. You'd get over it.
I realize I'm of very little importance to practically everyone. It's startlingly clear with what's been happening in my life lately. I'm only worth anything when a guy wants a piece of ass or someone to listen to all their problems. I am just generally ignored when it's me who has issues. I find that slightly unfair, but then again, when has life EVER been fair? I just get tired of it. life's not worth all this effort when I get nothing out of it.
I mean I'm only 22. I'm in college. I should be having fun. Instead I spend most of my time alone in my room, trying to distract myself from the depressing blackhole called my life. I self-destructively watch The Learning Channel's "A Wedding Story" and "A Baby Story" knowing damn well that the likelihood of my doing either of those things is very slim. It's just highly depressing. I used to think this manic-depressive thing was a seasonal phenomenon. It usually happened around September. But now it just seems to be a regular thing. Nothing has really been going on to make me bounce back to the happy side of things. Just a whole lot of shit pulling me further down into the sad side.
I don't expect anyone to understand. But it would be nice if people acknowledged it/me every once in a while. I don't like the way I live. At this point, I just don't care enough to do anything about it. As I'm sure I've said before, since I can't even see myself in 10 years, why bother planning for a future I'd rather not have to have? Up to this point, there have been things to work toward. Graduating from high school. Turning 21 (which, by the way, was totally not worth the effort). I suppose now I'm working toward graduating from college, even though I doubt that will be worth all the effort either. After that, I'm not sure what there is to work for. Another who knows how many years of endless torture? No thanks. I'd rather just take the fast train to hell.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Happy people suck.

Saturday, May 8, 2004

So, not only do you stand me up a few years back for my dad's wedding, but now you do it again at the time where you're supposed to redeem yourself and make me understand why you do what you do? Ok then. Whatever.
I don't need that. I have John to torture me with indifference and ignoring me. And at least I get something out of him every once in a while. Something damn good...
Enough about that.
Yawn. I'm so bored and I have nothing to do. I'm sure I'll go to bed soon. Sleeping makes me not have to find something to do. My life is so not worth living most the time. Kinda depressing.

Thursday, May 6, 2004

So I got my car checked out today. It was the head gasket. And it will only cost me $991.61 to get it fixed...good thing I have that money tree out back. Oh wait...shit...
Sometimes prostitution doesn't seem like such a bad career choice...Sigh. Anywho, I'm not sure whether it's just the unnessarily high amount of stress in my life lately or what, but I've been drinking an awful lot lately. I'm not sure that's a good thing. I'm thinking "no", but what do I know. I'll just go with it and try to not get alcohol poisoning. Or not. Whatever.
So, the semester is over in a week. Yay, woo, hurrah, blah, blah, blah. All I have left are exams, so it's not too big a thing. Hello apathy. And it's just going to get worse.
One last thing...I swear the cute mechanic guy was hitting on me. Sweet... :D

Monday, May 3, 2004

So, I had my 3-year review at K-mart this past weekend. At 7:30 in the morning. Nice…Just the way I like to start my day. Ha. Considering I’d had 3 different managers since my last review, not to mention quite a period of time when I had no manager at all, I found the whole idea of someone evaluating my past year’s worth of work slightly amusing. But whatever. Once again, the places they suggested I “needed improvement” were things that either I really didn’t have any control over or things that didn’t affect me anyway. I think I was back in the fixtures area once or twice in the past year, so how can it be my fault it’s trashed? Anyway, I guess they have to come up with something. At least they didn’t tell me to go through register training this time. (Yes…last year my manager wrote that I needed to go through register training so I could help out at the checkouts when needed. Apparently she wasn’t aware that I had worked the registers for nine months at the Sheboygan store and almost that long up here in Oshkosh…hmmm.) And I didn’t get slammed for being rude to customers this time. Funny, since I’m pretty sure I was a lot less friendly during this past year. Oh well. What they don’t see, they can’t judge me on, right?
And, being the totally cool person that I am, I got an “exceeds expectations” rating. Woo. I also got a whole 28¢ raise! Whoa…granted, that IS a 4% raise, but that should tell you what they’ve been paying me thus far…What WILL I do with all that extra cash?
They just hired a couple new people in the softlines area. It is my plan to make them my slaves. It’s easy to do that when they’re little high school girls. The problem comes when they’re old ladies or snotty bitchy girls. So far, the one I’ve met seems acceptable. I won’t start my attempts to make her quit yet. I’ll give it some time. Heh.
My car is still out of commission. I hope to take it to the garage place tomorrow afternoon. It’s rough not having a car. But I discovered that not being able to go anywhere makes you spend less money. Which is cool. Although, maybe it’s just the fact that I have no money that is making me spend less…hmmm…didn’t think about that before. I really need to go pick up my mail, but I’m kind of afraid of all the bills I know will be lurking there for me. Argh. Luckily, the semester will be over soon and I’ll be making more money. Hopefully my financial aid reward letter will also be lurking in the pile of bills so I can see how much money I’ll need for tuition and all that. It had better be $0. Otherwise I’m going to go to the Financial Aid office and wreak havoc. I’ll come up with some crazy revenge plan. It’ll be a good one.
I’m nuts enough to do it. Trust me.
Ok, so it’s May. Why the heck is it 25º out? Grrrr. Wisconsin sucks. My fingers are completely frozen here in this office. It’s not too cold in here today, but my fingers are icy cold. Maybe I’ll find some poor, unsuspecting guy and grab him by the back of the neck. Heh heh. That could be fun. I’m in a “torture those around me” kind of mood today. Maybe it’s hormonal. Or maybe it’s just me embracing the maniac side of me. I think it’s rather apparent by this time that I’m completely insane. I just pretend to be normal on occasion so people don’t throw me in a padded room. What’s the fun of running into walls if you don’t get all nice and bruised up doing it? Bleeding is fun.
**maniacal laughter**